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I'm giving him his space, but will he come back to me?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 November 2005) 16 Answers - (Newest, 11 December 2009)
A female , anonymous writes:

Hello everyone, Please tell me is there a phase in the year where people want their space to re-evaluate their lifes and relationships? I've noticed that i am not the only one going thru this, "thank goodness". But my bf has asked for some space "to think things thru". The question I have is, if we haven't spoken for a period of a week or so, and neither one has contacted the other, I'm giving him his space now, but what are the chances of him coming back to me after he had "this time to think" will he come back? He said many times that he couldn't live without me, and that he loved me, and only wanted me and now he needs space? Will he come back? Please help.

View related questions: needs space, period

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009):

I have trawled through many websites etc looking for answers etc..Then I just saw the prevous message below from "Have some faith"...I couldn't believe what I was reading, it was like a mirror image of my own situation. The only difference, he had the daughter, I didn't and we weren't engaged, but everything else we spoke about, kids, marriage, I was the one, he was the one, and we lived together, for a year, but were together for 2 years in total.

I too let silly negative thoughts detroy our relationship, and he too said he missed the old me! I loved him so much, I still do, I was so scared of losing him ( although he never gave me any reason to be scared), but at the end I achieved my biggest fear, losing him! He too said we needed space and "what will be will be"...

This has all happened to me since september. I still feel sick when I wake up the morning, I dread going to bed at night as I know when I awake in the morning, nothing will have changed. It's the loneliest feeling I've ever had.

I don't know if time will and space will change things, but I am trying my hardest to have no contact, its so hard as I really miss him and us as a couple. One thing is for sure, it has been the hardest lesson I've ever learnt! When you think negatively, everyting will be bad/negative around you!..There is alot to be said for "the law of attration"..positive thoughts and output, will return positive energy and good things to you, after all it was the positive, happy-go-lucky person at the start, that attracted him to me in the first place.

I would be so interested to know how you have been and if there has been any progression since your message??


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A female reader, Have some Faith! United States +, writes (11 October 2009):

I am going through the same thing as most of you in the blog. I have been with my man for over a year and we knew we were meant for eachother. We did it right we were friends first then waited till we moved in or even him meeting my daughter. We did move in and down the line got engaged. We talked about having children together you name it we wanted it together. Everything was great! Some how I let money and life stresses come between us. He tried to leave me a couple of times but couldnt, we ended up talking it out.

Well little did I know here a few days ago I let my stresses of money get the best of us and I hung up on him twice telling him '' You dont understand me or listen to me.'' After the second phone call of me hanging up he sent me a text stating '' Im done too I will be home to pick up my stuff and I am leaving. I about lost my mind. I broke so hard I tried to begg him to stay. I could'nt think I didnt know what to do. I called him all the time and text then I would go see him at his brothers which is where he is staying. He did take most of his stuff but he left stuff also. He would come to the house when I was not there I would leave notes and he would tell me he got them talk to you soon.

I did call him the other day and he told me he needed space and time and he did not know what he wanted to do. He could not make a decision on what is best for him. He told me I was pissing him off because I was not giving him space and I was pressuring him to much. He also said look Dont ever doubt I love you but I cannot deside our life of us being together or not. He said I was unhappy for a while now because I did not ever know if you were going to be mad or stressed one day to the next. He is so scared if he comes back the happiness will not return. He told me just give me some space time will tell if we are meant to be we will. he said I am happy to hear you are doing the things to change but I want to see if it continues.

I am making myself sick because I put my whole heart in this man. Im not sure if we will come back to me I still wear my ring and my friends tell me DO NOT CALL HIM!!!! GIVE HIM SPACE IF HE REALLY LOVES YOU HE WILL RETURN. HE NEEDS TIME TO THINK. I didnt listen for the first couple of days but I am now. I love him anough to give that to him. I believe deep in my heart he will come back if he knows I found myself again. I know him. He just needs to see I can do this on my own. If I can do it on my own then I can do it with him. If he does not take the last chance he will never know then he lost out. I am working and head determined to fix it and already have this woke my ass up

Hope change and Faith...

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008):

'giving space' this notion altogether is subjective to at what stage of any relationship one wants it...

i think it is not more for self thinking, but for more comprehensive review of what we aspire and what we have?...

i just happen to read it somewhere...silence and satsang are paths to keep onself occupied in 'progressive thoughts' because 'pain' is byproduct of one perception..

...hence give space / take time off before you end up having nervous breakdown!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008):

i'm in a similar position. A guy I was seeing for 4 months started backing away- I wasn't happy and ended it. He told me after he had just ended a seven year relationship and needed space. I never wanted to end it and really want him back but didn't see the point in carrying on. He wanted to stay friends but after 5 weeks of contact I have decided to stop being available. Hopefully, he'll realise what he has lost and come back. If he doesn't it'll make it easier to move on.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2008):

i'm giving my guy space too after two years together. he has major business worries and i think that we just lost the magic we had in our relationship due to him not being himself anymore and depresed. i have not contacted him at all and waited for him to contact me, which he has most days. i'll give him another few weeks and then i will move on.

yes i think men are afriad of commitment but they have to get over this in order for us to be together and most importantly they have to figure this out on their own. they have to realise waht they might potentially lose through their own fears.

yes i agree all men are complete but we can't live without them!!!!

keep strong women and let's see if our men were really worth it in the end!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2008):

I feel your pain...and you're most likely confused. I'm going thru the same thing. My "husband" for a year & a h alf left the house becuase we were arguying alot...because of a bad friend....we have spoken on the phone but I haven't seen him. He told me he needs space too...I don't know what to do either. This friend of his has influence so bad that it had ruined all of this. We have two kids...he says that he misses me. But what should I think.Will he come back?!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2008):

Be yourself! Enjoy your life and do not look for a man to fulfill you. Fulfill yourself. If a man comes along fine, if he does not, fine. Unless you want children, why marry anyone. I wish my guy would plan to live with me, but he never wants to, so I have to move on. It's his loss, since I am the best woman he ever had. He tells me he can not afford another wife, and I make $60,000.00 a year and have a great job. Who is he kidding! He tells me I interrupt him when he talks, well, he is not Mr. Perfect either. I love him, but I am not going to be put down every time we talk. He is trying to drive me problem...he wants his space...he's got it.

Men are such jerks!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008):

I think he will, as long as you dont contact him, this will give him time to be alone and see how much he misses you and wants to be with you. This could actually make your relationship lot healthier

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2008):

First of all,its silly to ask others "will he get back to me"???when you dont know ,how do you expect a third person to know who alredy has a messed up life??

secondly ,i hav experienced it,take it a smy word

"he will come back"if he really needs you.look why is he asking for space ?cz he loves you,otherwise he simply would have asked you to back off his life.

thirdly,very very importnat "GIVE HIM SPACE" IN CAPITAL WORDS AND A "CONSISTENT SPACE"not like this that u gv him space fr 3 days and thn ask him unconsciously to makeup for the loss of those 3 precious days

fourthly,guys r bastrds,and we r bitches to love them.give that fucking man space .dont call him ,let him call you.let him come 2 u.make him feel through experience that he needs you.its human psychology,if u run after him a guy will never NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER Brespect yuo or feel the needof staying with you...

walk aroung in this relationship with keeping your head held high !!and hel fall back on you ike a me


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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008):

Im really in love with a guy he has probs financially and with his teenage he used to send me texts saying i was his soulmate etc only last month, he came back from a golf trip and said he felt strange and had probs with rentals in his house we met up when he got back and i tried togive advice and he flipped a couple days later he just didnt talk to me no call no txt said need to have space to work everything out but love u i tried txting like mad saying i was sorry for what i said etc we are so good at friends even said lets cut a day out of out so he could have more time to do things, again came back please allow me ths time love u but instead of saying Darling he used my name, I havent heard anything back I so wantto write a letter and tell him stuff i cant go without hearing we txt daily something hap after his holiday but what he wont say he did apologise saying he hasnt be fair to me he wont answer his phone and talk to me just by txt.. what can i do ? shall i just txt on the odd days asking if he is ok

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008):

giflfriend, you need to make him wish he COULD come back to you. start goiing out with other guys, make yourself reaaaaaalllly pretty, and act liike you don't need him. when he calls , tell him you're busy and could you call him back? and then "forget " to call him back/

this will drive him nuts and make him wonder why you don't love him any more, and then he's got something to work for.

and if he doesn't come back, you'll find another guy/ contrary to common belief, a lot of men love to take care of a woman with a baby, makes htem feel real big. get yourself feeling great, and read the book "why men love bitches" good luck!

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A female reader, case Australia +, writes (24 July 2007):

I'm going through the same thing at the moment. I think Space is just a nicer way of ending things without hurting your feelings and pretty much time to think wether or not they should cut things off with you completely or not. It hurts and i really feel what you are going through. But try not to wait around for him. Do not be alone! thats what friends are for! make the most of the people you have in your life friends, family anyone else bar him and realise how much fun and quality time you now have to spend with them. In the end if he comes back great! but if he doesn't if just means you have not spent all this time crying and being sad over him! Good luck! xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2007):

the same has just happened to me. my boyfriend of 18 months has just (totally out of the blue) told me he needs more space. i was devastated. the thought of no contact for a few weeks hurt like crazy. but the truth is, there is nothing you can do but leave him alone for a while. if he's worth waiting around for, and if you REALLY love him, then wait. if he's not going to change and make you miserable again then you need to get out of this relationship before being with this man causes you more emotional danage in the long run. its a decision only you can make. you're friends and family will support you whatever you decide! good luck!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2006):

I completely agree with both the posts. Its kind of a tough decision as I am going through the same exact thing. After two years together.. we shared everything.. our life, happiness, sadness.. u name it. He wants his space.. and its been a little over a month- and I take blame for that because I was being the typical girl.. i called him.. emailed him.. texted him.. everything you can imagine. I guess a part of me didnt know how to give him space.. for two years, we talked everyday- and all of a sudden.. i was to have no contact with him- it was hard!

I learned the hard way, the more i called, texted, emailed.. the more I was feeding his ego. Basically he was going out doing whatever he wanted to do while knowing that i was at home miserable with my life without him- and then push came to shoove and i decided enough was enough.. it was time to let him go.

So i havent spoken to him in days.. no contact wat so ever.. if he decides that he misses me.. then he can contact me and he can initiate a resolution to our problem.. if not, HIS F'in LOSS- I have confidence, i had a life before him and ill have one after him.. IF a guy is askign for space, i think its because he got scared of the "c" word (committment).. just let him be.. if HE doesnt call YOU then tough nuggies.. F him and move on. After all HE was the one that wanted the space.. so let him figure it out for himself- but one word of advice that i think any girl will agree with me is that no mater what.. EVERY GUY IS A SCUM IN DISGUISE.

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A female reader, StarNews +, writes (27 December 2005):

StarNews agony auntI wouldnt worry so much about him coming back. This is the time for YOU to decide if YOU want someone who isnt sure if they want to be with you. He may come back, but he may not. Look at it this way...if he doesnt, its his loss. He could lose you during this time that he asked for the break! Does he think about that???

I went through this too, after a 5 yr relationship that was off and on the past few years. He wanted 2 wks apart this time. I contacted him after the 2 wks. He was happy to hear from me, but I could tell that I no longer knew this person that I shared so much of my life with. I got him to admit he was seeing someone else. But he kept telling me he wanted to be with me. It was a game and he was stringing me along. I finally found the courage (and the muscles, as shown in my pic) to kick him to the curb. He was in shock over it.

I believe that a good man (I have yet to find) will stick around, and never make me feel insecure about his love for me. He will know that he loves me without a doubt.

If he is apologetic when he returns (and I say give him no more than 2 wks), admits he took you for granted and willing to compromise with your needs, then I say give him a chance.

You really have to trust your intuition here, and your gut instinct. It will tell you everything you need to know, along with what he says and how he acts. If you sense in any way that he has no regards for your feelings, kick him to the curb.

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A female reader, shania United Kingdom +, writes (26 November 2005):

shania agony auntWhen a fella says he needs more space its usually because he doesnt want to continue the relationship and he is trying not to hurt your feelings.Yes, he may start missing you and then decides,he wants you back but while he is thinking and trying to make his mind up you are just a sitting duck,waiting for him to call you.Dont call him,or text him,dont write a letter just do nothing.Go out,have fun,dont sit indoors,i bet you he isnt.Remember,if he doesnt call you then i was right,he just doesnt want to see you,if on the other hand he does then you will have to make some ground rules that you dont want to keep doing this everytime he wants space.Some people are worth waiting for,but not FOREVER.

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