I'm religious and have told him I'm not taking it any further, but he still wants to try his luck. What can I do?
Q. Ok, here's what's going on. I'm mormon, age 20, a virgin. I have a bf, 21, not a virgin. I tell him my restrictions for our relationship of going to 3 months, I tell him I want to wait until marriage before I have sex, including oral, he's agreed to ...
A. 23 July 2009: Gidday,
It seems as though you are torn between your natural physical desires and your religion.
If you are having doubts about whether you can maintain your committment to your faith then it may be worth having a chat to someone from you... (read in full...)
Should we give our child the freedom to choose or enforce one of our religions on our child?
Q. hi, umm so i found out a few weeks ago that me and my husband are going to have a baby, and i'm really excited but the only problem is that he's christian and i'm catholic. were both stressing out because we don't know what to raise our child, ...
A. 23 July 2009: Hi there, Great question!!! I guess the baby would have to be baptised into a religion determined by you, your husband and the faith you both choose and until this happens the baby would belong to neither faith. Firstly, I'd discuss this ... (read in full...)
I don't want to mess up the friendship, but I want to tell him how I feel
Q. I want to take things to the next level we are just friends and have never chilled outside of his job but have made many plans to coming up soon. Its hard for us to get to know each other at his job because it is aginst the rules where he works. We ...
A. 22 July 2009: Hi there,
I suggest you plan on having a chat and begin with how neat your friendship is.
You could either drop hints in a humorous way such as, "you'd love to have a cool chick like me as a girlfriend wouldn't you?" or "If you're looking f... (read in full...)
How long does Social Services keep records for?
Q. I was wondering if anyone would be able to tell how long social services keep records for and if you are able to ask to see them?...
A. 22 July 2009: You have every right to phone them and ask as a general enquiry. It is your right and you can also ask to view any information about you.
You can remain anonymous if you feel more comfortable. If you chose to do this, phone them and ask, if they ... (read in full...)
He was billed for a phone sex line but is denying it
Q. ok here goes...my husband got a bill in the mail today well it was for a 6 min talk to phone sex number...he said he didn't do it but I call it back and the first thing they ask you for is your credit card number..and the bill he got had the last ...
A. 22 July 2009: You say he has lied before, was it in relation to the same type of thing? if yes, you have your answer.... (read in full...)
What is the best position when you have sex for the first time?
Q. I am 13 and im having sex for my first time in a couple of weeks because my boyfriends parents are on holiday and he said i could come round for a couple of nights if i wanted to ... i said yes ... he later asked me if i was ready for sex and i knew ...
A. 21 July 2009: Hi there,
Good for you, what a wonderful time for you. I'm glad you feel ready, this may well be a lovely experience for you.
The best position for the first time is what they call the missionary position. You may already know this positi... (read in full...)
My husband get angry, throws things and sometimes hits me, what should I do?
Q. hi there, ok my question is more of a long story that i need advice on my husband has this thing where i cant do anything right he will give me a list of things he wants done before he gets home and i will do my best to finish them but he never be...
A. 21 July 2009: Hi there,
Do you think you deserve to be treated this way? Do you feel you make him react this way? Do you feel loved by him? what is your definition of love and respect? How do you show how you love and respect someone? Would you behave this way... (read in full...)
He's insecure and tries too hard all the time!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend 6 months. I love him and we get on well, apart from the fact that his insecurity and need to overcompensate is killing the relationship. I need someone to help me understand it all. My boyfriend is someone who tries too...
A. 20 July 2009: Did you give a time limit of how long you wanted? If not, then tell him how long you need and ask him to respect that. If you have given a specific amount of time, and he disregards it, then tell him that what he is doing is exactly the reaso... (read in full...)
Why do women place such importance on the emotional side of sex?
Q. Okay, I have a question for both men and women. My girlfriend and I have been together for over a year. When it comes to sex, she claims to love it with me and tells me that I make her feel better than anyone has before - physically but then she ...
A. 18 July 2009: It's common knowledge that women like to have their emotional side nutured and it sounds as if you resent having to give this and don't have a need for it yourself. There's no point in trying to change her and it is certainly not acceptable that she ... (read in full...)
Should I put a naked picture of myself on the Internet (covering my face)??
Q. Ok. There has been a previous question about porn and double standards. I have wondered this very thing myself. But thought that physically meeting someone is perhaps not comparable to just watching porn. So... My husband watching p...
A. 15 July 2009: I am disiilusioned by some of the responses to this question. There are magnificent examples of a psychological term called projection. Where people are projecting their own issue on the person with the question. Things such as: ~ using ... (read in full...)
Found violent porn on husband's computer how do we talk about this?
Q. Short question: I have found lots of violent porn on my husbands computer. 1st time. Never knew he looked at the stuff. OK, so now I want to discuss this with him, but have no idea how to bring it up, without him knowing that I was on his comput...
A. 15 July 2009: Be honest. You did no wrong by using his computer. I'm unsure why you are hesitant and worried about upsetting him. You certainly need clarity on this as you had already asked him about his values on this and he said that it is for other sad single ... (read in full...)
Pregnant and betrayed by my porn loving boyfriend
Q. My boyfriend and i have been together for 15 months. I am 8 and a half months pregnant with his baby. We are both young (i am 16 and hes 22) and He has told me, not just told me but promised me and looked me in the eye and said "babe i dont need ...
A. 15 July 2009: Firstly, porn is a big deal to some Women and me being one. Porn makes a lot of partners feel betrayed and that their partner is being unfaithful which I agree with. Then there is the lying and hiding which breaks even more trust. This in itself is ... (read in full...)
I work with them, he's living with her but bothering me
Q. i was with this lad he had a girlfriend i broke up with my boyfriend and we shared great times together but i couldnt keep this up and asked him to finish he said no and got reall annoyed i have to work with him so its hard to see him every day they ...
A. 15 July 2009: He obviously doesn't know what he wants or who he wants.
I know it is hard to move on from someone when you still have feelings for them yet the way he treats you and the Women in his life is very destructive.
This will takes it's toll on you... (read in full...)
If it's okay for men to meet visual and sexual needs through porn then surely its okay for married women to date and go on romantic outings with other men to have their romance 'needs' met?
Q. I often hear men (and some women) claim that porn is ok for men within relationships because they are 'visual' and only seeking thrills....etc If this is the case and these people like to stereotype then the other side of this argument is that wom...
A. 15 July 2009: There is some good reading on the web about porn. Doing a search on sexual addiction puts it all into perspective. ... (read in full...)
I'm not happy but don't wish to end relationship just because I am depressed
Q. hi I am in a relationship, with someone i met around 9 months ago. he moved to my area when he was made redundant and got a good job in the catering industry. (i let him stay at my house, until he was back on his feet but because of my last relat...
A. 14 July 2009: Hi there, I can understand how you feel hesitant about someone new living with you after your previous relationship and I wonder if that's because you want to really take your time and get to know a person beforehand so that you are not rushing ... (read in full...)
Good friends but I think we could be something more. What do you think?
Q. Hey so yeah i posted on here a few days ago about a guy who i've known since primary school and we've talked ever since in high school wasn't so much but i used to like him in primary but silly crushes and then high school but he used to hang around ...
A. 14 July 2009: I would go for it. He has dropped you a few clues and wants you to make your intentions known. He has made his intentions known in an indirect way to give you the green light. I think he wants to be with you. ... (read in full...)
I am deeply confused and in pain. What should I do?
Q. I was Involved my a wonderful girl for around seven months.when we were first dating she confessed to me that she was still married with her long time boyfriend. It was an agreement between them two so she could get her green card.she told me that...
A. 14 July 2009: I would move on. She has admitted that it is more than just her green card. People who are confused about life and what they want can be quite harmful as they don't know themselves. She has told you this and to only hear that she loves you and... (read in full...)
If it's okay for men to meet visual and sexual needs through porn then surely its okay for married women to date and go on romantic outings with other men to have their romance 'needs' met?
Q. I often hear men (and some women) claim that porn is ok for men within relationships because they are 'visual' and only seeking thrills....etc If this is the case and these people like to stereotype then the other side of this argument is that wom...
A. 14 July 2009: I'm not sure if I see things the same. There are some Women who dislike porn and there are some Women like it. There are also some men who are into porn and some Men who aren't. I feel sad that there seems to be such a battle of the sexes. I bel... (read in full...)
My porn use and cyber sex obsession ruined my marriage! How do I get my wife back?
Q. I have been married 19 years. For 8 yrs I watched porn and engaged in cyber sex, and even Emailed women. This became an obsession. My wife found out about it and I tried to lie my way out of it. I did stop eventually, but she left me anyway. How can ...
A. 13 July 2009: Gee I feel so sad for the person who wrote the question and the Men who responded with you all losing the one you love. I just wonder, is it worth it? why do some Men risk losing so much, something so real, someone who loves you for this type of ... (read in full...)
If it's okay for men to meet visual and sexual needs through porn then surely its okay for married women to date and go on romantic outings with other men to have their romance 'needs' met?
Q. I often hear men (and some women) claim that porn is ok for men within relationships because they are 'visual' and only seeking thrills....etc If this is the case and these people like to stereotype then the other side of this argument is that wom...
A. 13 July 2009: I think a similar comparison would be if a wife gets another Man to buy something for her.
Objectifying Women sexually, objectifying Men financially.
I have read through all of the comments and there is some food for thought. It is sad when c... (read in full...)
My anger is harming our relationship
Q. okay so i have been with my girlfriend for two years now and in the beggining i was the complete shy, nerdy guy that would never dream about getting angry at her. no matter how mad she made me i wouldnt show it and i would just bottle it up so i ...
A. 13 July 2009: Often behind anger can be hurt. It is wise to either write, talk to someone or go for a long walk so you can reflect as to what you think is behind it. I have heard that anger management doesn't work because it only suppresses the anger more.
... (read in full...)
My cousin and I had sexual relationship but now I think he was using me
Q. please dont juge me ok so i was around 7 when my 13 year old cusin came to live with us and before that we didnt really know each other about 3 years after living with my family we would flirt with each other and then we moved on to oral sex then ...
A. 12 July 2009: Hi there,
I understand that you have loving feelings for your cousin and that you are feeling pretty down and lost without him and really want to know if he still cares about you.
I don't think anyone judging you is very helpful and if t... (read in full...)
He hasn't called me for one day. Does that mean we're over?
Q. Since my boyfriend moved back to my hometown he has called me everyday, and we have seen eachother almost everyday. Yesterday he didn't call, and it was his first time not calling me in a LONG time. I know its hard when he doesnt have a phone, bu...
A. 12 July 2009: Hi there,
It's important not to think the worst of his lack of contact.
There could be many things that have stopped him, one being that he got tied up and wanted to phone you yet ran out of time and other things that he may very well tell y... (read in full...)
He's insecure and tries too hard all the time!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend 6 months. I love him and we get on well, apart from the fact that his insecurity and need to overcompensate is killing the relationship. I need someone to help me understand it all. My boyfriend is someone who tries too...
A. 12 July 2009: I suggest that you ask him how he feels when you speak about your feelings and issues within the relationship.
I bet he's scared of intimacy (hearing how you really feel), talking about real things and feelings within the relationship, because ... (read in full...)
How do you rebuild your life after the breakdown of a marriage?
Q. Ok, I'm the poor sod who asked for help about a year ago with the husband who was addicted to porn, sex chat lines, websites etc. I have since made the move to get divorced from him and it has not been easy. At the moment I am suffering from s...
A. 11 July 2009: Hi again,
There is a website called heart to heart. It is a website that supports partners of sex addicts. I have cut and copied a reading that I thought may be of assistance to you.
EXERCISE # 24 THE CON
Many partners have communicat... (read in full...)
How do you rebuild your life after the breakdown of a marriage?
Q. Ok, I'm the poor sod who asked for help about a year ago with the husband who was addicted to porn, sex chat lines, websites etc. I have since made the move to get divorced from him and it has not been easy. At the moment I am suffering from s...
A. 10 July 2009: Hi there, Congradulations on your decision to divorce, I actually think you are a lot stronger than you make out. This could have gone on for many more years. I would like to offer some suggestions that helped me with a similar situation. ... (read in full...)
My wife has suddenly become jealous and suspicious...why?
Q. My wife has recently become excessively jealous of the women I work with. I'm not jealous of her socialising with other guys - far from it - so I don't get why she's like this. She seems to think I'll sleep with any other woman in sight - even ...
A. 10 July 2009: I would never bring up the fact that you are not jealous of her, this will not be of any use.
She is obviously feeling insecure at present. You need to find out why. Being insecure is not nice. We all have our insecurities and this is her one at p... (read in full...)
Our marriage had been neglected, she started seeing another man, How do I deal with this?
Q. i have been in a relatinonship for nearly 20years with my partner we have had 3 children 2 boys 18-16 and a girl 5.i have had mental health problems since before we met and gradualy got worse over the years and i have neglected her by never showing ...
A. 10 July 2009: She has been deprived of emotional nurturing and this new bloke gave her a taste. (He gave a thirsty desert walker a huge drink) If there is any chance of saving your marriage, you have to learn how to meet her emotional needs. Be careful n... (read in full...)
How can I make my wife feel valued?
Q. My wife said she doesn't feel important to me what do I do? Right now she said she needs a break what are some things I can do to make her feel special and to show how much I really love her?...
A. 10 July 2009: Ask her what you do that doesn't make her feel special and listen without arguing, defending etc... When she tells you why she doesn't feel special, you will have your answer. Thank her for telling you and change what it is that's making her feel ... (read in full...)
Being yourself :)
Q. I only wrote an article a little while ago but I like sharing little bits of life so here we go with another one! And by the way, I'm talking about men but obviously the same applies with women :) I often ask my male friends for advice. Every so...
A. 9 July 2009: How about...
It's time we stopped asking ourselves and our friends 'what do men want' and started asking 'what do I want?' ... (read in full...)
How can I find a good relationship counselor?
Q. I am in Western Australia and wondering how do you go about finding a relationship councillor for myself and my boyfriend? I contacted Relationships Australia but we can't see someone from there for many weeks and I really don't want to wait tha...
A. 3 July 2009: Hi,
You can begin by phoning one and having a chat to them on the phone. If they are willing to do this, that is a good sign. They will ask you to briefly explain the issues and you will get a feel as to whether you think they uinderstand what you... (read in full...)
Can you teach someone to treat you the way you want to be treated?
Q. Can you teach someone to treat you the way you want to be treated?....Or is that the typical trap we women fall into, thinking a man is going to change for us?....My boyfriend has many great qualities, but doesn't really respect women in general. ...
A. 3 July 2009: Hi, I believe you can teach someone how to respect you and you are doing just that. Setting boundaries and doing it everytime he disrespects you including calling you a bitch is how it is done. Calling you a bitch is disrespectful in itself... (read in full...)
I hit my wife and choked her, she thinks it's her fault...help
Q. Dear Cupid, My wifew and I have been under alot of stress since my accident 2 years ago , we just recently went through depositions for our case, which is hard for us. Yesterday we got into a big fight and she wanted me to express to her w...
A. 3 July 2009: Hi, I would like to start by saying good for you for taking responsibility for your behaviour. You're spot on when you say your wife does not deserve to be treated this way and you know this inside because you feel guilt. All you need to ... (read in full...)
How do I not fall for verbally abusive ex's guilt trips?
Q. So basically I am just wondering if anyone out there has some tips or ways to not fall for guilt trips? My ex-bf who was verbally abusive "jokingly" he called it, made a promise to change but he has lied about things in the past and I don't th...
A. 3 July 2009: Purchase yourself a book called "the emotionally abusive relationship". This book will help.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is going overseas soon and I'm worried. Should I be?
Q. My bf is going overseas for 6 weeks soon and I am really quite worried. He said he would love for me to come but he planned the trip way in advance before we even met, so by the time we met it was too late for me to go as I woudlnt be able to save ...
A. 3 July 2009: Hi there, From my understanding, Men view sex as we Women view emotional nurturing. If we don't feel listened to, respected and understood in an emotional way, we can feel rejected. Men are similar with sex, if their partner doesn't want to ... (read in full...)
Why does porn upset me so much?
Q. Why is porn such a big deal to us women? It's a big deal for me, but I don't even get why! I know I don't like my partner watching it, but I mean, it's just pictures and videos, so why can't I get past it? Why is it so upsetting? I know some women ...
A. 2 July 2009: I think a more accurate statement is "why is porn such a big deal to some people". There are some Men who don't like their GF watching porn. I think men tend to watch it more because they have been moulded this way from society. It has be... (read in full...)
Do I try to get back with him in the hope he'll give 100%, or try to move on completely?
Q. The last year i was dating a man that he didn't give a lot of importance to our relationship so i don't call him any more. He doesn't call me either although in the past he used to call me once in a while. Although i don't want to continue with him ...
A. 2 July 2009: Check out whether you are just lonely and whether your lonely feelings are what's making you doubt your decision.
Having contact with a person for the right reasons is vital. If you contact him through loneliness, it is pointless as he is still... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is going overseas soon and I'm worried. Should I be?
Q. My bf is going overseas for 6 weeks soon and I am really quite worried. He said he would love for me to come but he planned the trip way in advance before we even met, so by the time we met it was too late for me to go as I woudlnt be able to save ...
A. 2 July 2009: It is natural to be concerned when you have seen photos of him with other girls on his last trip. I think the main difference here is that he has a girlfriend now. If he mentions shortly before leaving that he wishes you were going too and se... (read in full...)
I'm worried that I'm the only one in love in this relationship!
Q. Ealier today my girlfriend and I took our daughters swimming. One of the girls is mine, one hers. Things have been confusing to me because a couple of months ago we broke up (we were engaged) and she moved out. We got back together, but do not live ...
A. 2 July 2009: Firstly, why did you break up?
Not being particularly excited could be a range of things. It could be nerves, some unfinished business on her mind about your relationship. She could also be wary about getting hurt again. I don't think it's use... (read in full...)
Is it normal to masturbate "to porn" while in a relationship?
Q. I have been with this guy for 3 years and I was just wondering if it is normal to masturbate "to porn" while in a relationship. I understand that it is a natural thing but when I think of him masturbating to another naked women it makes me feel ...
A. 2 July 2009: Hi,
It is important that you speak with him about it. If he needs time then a couple of days is enough. If you ask him again to speak with you, you need to say that this is a significant issue for you and that you need to speak with him right aw... (read in full...)
Is it normal to masturbate "to porn" while in a relationship?
Q. I have been with this guy for 3 years and I was just wondering if it is normal to masturbate "to porn" while in a relationship. I understand that it is a natural thing but when I think of him masturbating to another naked women it makes me feel ...
A. 1 July 2009: It's common but not healthy. Objectifying does not value people.
... (read in full...)
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