A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:When people say there not sure if they've had an orgasm does that usually mean they haven't had one?I'm just starting to question myself if I've actually had one. The way you hear people talk about it...its mind blowing, but what i think was an orgasm was just pretty average. I've only had sex with the one person and he couldn't get me anywhere...not even close to any sort of pleasure, the only time I've actually felt good is when i play with myself.I want to feel that, mind blowing explosion. My main worry is my boyfriend, i don't want us to be in the middle of something and nothing happens. id actually feel guilty, its actually putting me off having sex with him...even though i want him more then anything! should i talk to him about it if so how should i go about it? i feel at a lose and really need someones opinion!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for every ones input!! =)
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (18 September 2010):
 It's not always mind-blowing, some women feel a throbbing sensation, some feel just some muscle contractions. It feels like something DIFFERENT though from just the arousal/excitement. There is a distinct release feeling, like after you sneeze or peed after really needing to.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 September 2010):
 Yes, you have most likely not had an orgasm. If you have one you KNOW you have one, because of the very distinct and unusual pleasurable feeling that can not be compared with anything else. You can have an average orgasm or a mind-blowing orgasm, but an orgasm is never just a "pretty average" feeling. An orgasm feels great. Period.
Then theres the catch. Many women find it very difficult to get one, not only by themselves, but in particular difficult with a partner. It can be embarrassing to let yourself "go" like that, we worry how we look, we are scared of enjoying the sex too much. We are scared of what our partner will think, and for many women it is hard to come because we need to be concerned about our own pleasure in bed for an orgasm to happen. And many can feel they are selfish if they only focus on themselves.
But, try and think about this from a mans perspective. How many times do they feel selfish or embarrassed if they get a blowjob? None at all, they know how to just relax and enjoy it. And women need to learn from that.
Now, I am not sure exactly what you mean by being worried that nothing will happen, and it making you feel guilty. Hasn't "nothing" happened all this time? And are you already feeling guilty? Guilty for not coming? I think the only person adding pressure here is yourself. Feeling good is ok, and if you don't come that is okay too. If you do come it is a bonus, but I think in round one you need to know that you are not required to come. You are only required to enjoy what you do and have a good time, orgasm or no orgasm. And if your man wants to put in some effort to try and make you orgasm, let him. If he fails, he needs more practice, thats all. So don't give up. If you feel that what he is doing isn't working for you switch to something else that feels good, and don't focus so hard on "needing an orgasm". It will come when you are totally relaxed, don't worry about a thing, and feel comfortable with your boyfriend. You worried about feeling guilty will put a sure stopper for any orgasm. As you said, it is already putting you off having sex with him.
Yes, you should talk to your man about this. Tell him what you worry about and are concerned about when it comes to you having an orgasm, just like you told us. You should also search the archives on dearcupid.org for more answers about orgasms, plenty of women wonder the same thing as you: how to achieve an orgasm with your partner.
Remember that sex is not a contest about who can get the other to come fastest or best. And your partner is not judging you in bed, trying to look for bad things.
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A
female
reader, AnnieLuck  +, writes (18 September 2010):
Hmm why don't you explain to him that you'd like to explore pleasure together... then get him to pleasure you the way you say it works for you! Often women do not have intense orgasms on sex alone, they need clitoral stimulation too. If he loves you, he'll be more than happy to try and pleasure you, it's all about discovering each other and what makes each other happy sexually.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2010): Sweetie,Forgive me for going Discovery Channel honest, okay! As a female I understand how frustrating it is when you are unsure if you climaxed. I been there! I need major clitoral stimulation before I climax. My hubby and I opted to use a vibrator on my clitoris during foreplay and sex. It helps a lot! Most women climax during foreplay, so don't skip that part! Also, you can almost always tell when your about to climax, panting, tightening tummy, fingers or toes curling or clutching on to something. If you feel a moan coming on then moan, don't hold back! But, if you feel your self reacting to pleasuring then hold it, hold that moment for a while, that will make your orgasm stronger and longer.Hope this helps!
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