A
female
age
26-29,
*onflictedlady
writes:Hey everyone.This is one of those topics where I don’t really know if I should discuss this or not with a date/bf, as couples typically start talking about their issues/past insecurities at some point.Anyway, I grew up in a middle class household, but we were never as privileged as our neighbors. I remember going to private schools in the area (only because the public schools were terrible), and noticing how much nicer the kids’ parents’ houses and cars were. This really because noticeable in high school, and tons of kids there had parents with multiple homes, amazing connections, etc., and I had none.Basically, if this did anything it me, it really only made me want to find a high paying job as soon as I could. I never really went through the whole period of caring what my classmates though about me - I just wanted to finish and get a paycheck. Really, at age 14, I just dreamed of turning 16 so I could have a retail job, turn 18 and go to college, etc.I’m kind of wondering if this is something I should ever reveal. Like I said, I didn’t have many “typical” teenage experiences - I started a business when I was young and made five figures, I worked, and really, I couldn’t relate to a lot of my wealthier peers.Is this something even worth bringing up? Ever? I don’t want to sound like a gold digger, since I have a high paying job now, but really, the desire to work and be paid really has superceeded my other desires.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2019): I don't see any reason to mention your insecurities about money. It wouldn't reflect well on you. If you've worked hard to reach a level of financial-security; it's unlikely you'd want to date or marry a jobless-sloth.
You get to pick and choose your dating prospects without having to blatantly specify in your profile that you only date guys who make a lot of money. They'd wonder if you were a gold-digger, or a prostitute. There are dating sites that match only successful-professionals.
Even the Bible suggests that we be "evenly-yoked" in our relationships; which means on the same level of beliefs, values, and it can apply to finances.
If you have become materialistic; then you'll come across as superficial, snooty, and bourgeois (slang-word: bougie); and most of your relationships will be centered around what you have and don't have. Sad way to be! Try and outgrow it!
Down to earth happy-people will look at you sideways! They'll figure-out you grew-up as a "have-not," and are ashamed of where you come from. You'll lie about your background, and become pretentious. People who care too much about those things aren't easy to be around. Appearances, status, and fitting-in with social-cliques becomes an obsession.
If you have developed snobbery and class-consciousness; it might be considered a red-flag regardless of the financial-status of the person you're dating.
I doubt you'll have any trouble finding materialistic money-conscious people who feel what you earn, and what people think of you, matters. It seems pretty prevalent in society as a whole. Most relationships like this are show-offy, social-media-addicted, and meaningless. "Empty"...for lack of a better word. They're like ads in a lifestyle-magazine; instead of being real-life people.
If you can include upright-personality, good-character, and a capacity to be kind and generous; along with your prerequisite for financial-success. You will be fine.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (17 December 2019):
 Nothing wrong in wanting a partner that has the same kind of goals as yourself. Who WANTS that "better" life. Who works hard and who is focused on the future and career.
Why is having ambitions bad?
Someone dating you will see that working hard and making a good living is important to you, again, what is wrong with that?
However, If money is your MAIN focus in life, maybe you can come off feeling a bit "empty"?
I have known people who wanted "STUFF" because they grew up without much "STUFF" but they are really hard to talk to because their favorite topic is themselves, money and "STUFF" they own. There is SO much more to life then owning "STUFF".
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2019): I don’t think it matters really . I mean only in terms of finding someone who had similar ideals . You don’t need to come out and say hey money is super important to me . As for being a ‘gold digger that’s just a stereotype that people like to label women’ I mean do most men come out and say how important women’s looks are to them ? But let’s face it we all know that to the majority of men this is extremely high on their priorities and they will even dump long term wives just for getting older and not looking young because a younger woman might give them a change . Not all men but A LOT. Do they tell us this ? No . They go as far as to deny it
Don’t worry so much about what people think . Just chase your dreams . Try to find someone who has similar values and go for it .
Just one word of advice though , it truly is real when people say money doesn’t bring happiness so don’t settle just for money . There has to be more than just $
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2019): I think your experiences are something you could talk about. I don't know if it's really first date chat? But it's something that's motivated you and I don't think you need to hide it. I do think you might need to think about how you phrase things though. Perhaps you weren't as privileged as the people around you, but you had considerable privilege, it might help to acknowledge that.
I also don't think you need to bring it up on purpose. If it comes up organically, talk about it. Like if someone asks you about what inspired you to do the job you have today you could say that you grew up around wealthy people and wanted the kinds of luxuries that they had so you worked really hard to get them. And then say something about the good luck you did have. Like going to private school, having the opportunity, means and time to set up your own business etc.
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