A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I have a very close friend who has been married for 15 years to a romantic, passionate and complicated man. They have a daughter of 12 years old. He moved from Italy to be here about 10 years ago and was a high ranking executive but now runs his own business from home. He is finding this stressful. They are both regular church goers and have a good circle of friends. She is very involved in a voluntary group for women and a high achiever at work. Now they are having huge problems, he is being very nasty to her and she says the relationship is hanging by a thread. I know she was up all one night this week arguing with him. He has told her that there is nobody else, just that he does not know what to do with his life.I wonder whether this is reality and would like to know what you think. I remember him saying that he had a very good female friend and he said "I love her". I logged it, but did not pay too much attention because he sometimes hugs me too tightly as well - he is the sort who flirts and makes you feel good but safe. Or so I thought. Anyway, I had noticed him not joining in with things recently and my friend would sometimes attend social things on her own. He has said there is nobody else but I am wondering if this can be true. Why would he be so nasty to her if it was, as she said, all about him, not someone else. I have this hunch that he is using being horrible to push her away from him because he can not bear to tell her the real reason. Surely everything would be fixable otherwise, so why the huge reaction? Why should he blame his unsatisfactoty life on her if he did not consider her a cause?What do you think is going on?
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (7 March 2007):
 If the wife had written in to us it would be another matter. Sorry if you didn't like my advice but I stand by it. Be there for your friend as a source of comfort but keep your nose out of their marriage, it's their business only.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, my friend has asked me to help her actually and we have been friends for 30 years. I thought you lot might have some suggestions that would help. As far as minding my own beeswax, that is not really in the spirit of this site is it? If we were all minding our beeswax we wouldn't be doing it! I have my own partner with whom I am very happy. I was so sure that they would be together forever and it rocks my world when things like this happen. I have always looked to them as an example of a very good marriage and am trying to entend my understanding. I find the quality and content of your remarks and disappointing and inappropriate.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2007): The entire letter is sympathetic to Him, descriptions of him are flowery and romantic, She is only mentioned twice, and They once. I think that you are far too involved in their marriage and that you have ulterior motives. If you were a good friend you would have asked her about the other woman already, all married couples fight and you still don't explain why you would be this involved instead of the wife writing to ask for advice.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (2 March 2007):
Unless she asks for your involvement in their marriage I say you best mind your own beeswax.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHave no idea why you ask that. No way. I am worried because he has a female confidant who is a close friend of his and hers too. It seems dangerous.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2007): Do you think the man is in love with you? Are you in love with your friends husband?
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