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Worried about my first threesome this weekend!

Tagged as: Dating, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 August 2010) 17 Answers - (Newest, 17 August 2010)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

Help! I am having my first threesome this weekend. It involves my fiance and another man who is a complete stranger. What should I do? What should I expect. Any ideas will be appreciated.

View related questions: fiance, threesome

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010):

It can be alot of fun for couples but can also ruin relationships so be very careful and make sur it just stays sexual. have fun ;)

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A female reader, Gabrielle Stoker United States +, writes (16 August 2010):

Gabrielle Stoker agony auntSounds like it went well. Good for you! Just hope she doesn't get to a place where she needs two guys to get her off :)

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A female reader, Jesc United States +, writes (16 August 2010):

Jesc agony auntHey it is a lifestyle that only some people can have.

It's wrong for us to judge on the matter. How everyone looks at love is very different. Each one of us accepts or is happy with one outcome or another.

If this is something they enjoy then I say hey have fun :)

I hope for the best no matter what happens.

personally you guys are strong. I am a very possessive person, My partner is my partner. No lie I fantasized about the deal mentioned it a couple of times but in the end we both were right. It's not our lifestyle.

I'm not trying to knock anybody, But I'm just saying it's what they choose as we choose our own.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2010):

To the Fiance....

Yeah, your love may have not changed because, the love was probably never that deep to begin with. There are diff. levels of love and it seems as though the level of love you have is superfical yet comfortable...nothing more.

The point is this: if you loved your fiance deeply, you would not want to see her having sex with another man...plain and simple. And as a person who has loved deeply, you are not going to convince me otherwise. The love you guys share is shallow, superfical and comfortable.

And if you are citing that she has done this before, then why is she "worried?" Seems to me if this has happened before, it shouldn't be that big of a deal so is she holding "information" back? Something sounds fishy.....

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Okay....I'm the fiancee. This whole thing was my idea. Origianally I thought it would excite me to see her with another man. I thought it would be exciting to see her being pleasured my two men at the same time. I told her how I wanted to see her perform oral on another man.She did all the things that I told her would turn me on, and it did! I really enjoyed seeing her brought to a place that only four hands, and two mouths could take her. My love for her has not changed, or faltered in the least. Watching as she took us both in her mouth at the same time was very erotic. I don't want this to become a lifestyle for us, but wouldn't mind doing it again.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Ok we had the threesome. My fiance touched me the whole time, showed tenderness and affection as well as telling me numerous that he loves me. My fiance pretty let our guest have full reign over what he wanted to do. We talked on the phone and had drinks prior to our meeting. At this time we discussed our boundaries as we talked and broke the ice. We then went to our room where we undressed. The entire time my fiance and I were in total control over what haappened and what we allowed him to do to us. It ended way better than I expected. After our guest left we made sweet love and went to grab a bite to eat. My fiance told me several times he loves me and is in love with me and nothing would ever change that. We casually mentioned in the distant future we might try it again, but it will be awhile if ever.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks everyone for your answers. My fiance just spoke with this guy on the phone and he assured all boundaries would be respected and anyone could stop at any time. I am doing this to fulfill a fantasy of my fiance. Someone included in their question how could he love me and want to share me with another man. That's was my biggest question. He has all of the normal feelings of jealousy when someone looks at me or I talk to a guy. I can't figure this out.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010):

I wouldnt advise it,but on the other hand its better than cheating.

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A female reader, Sweet-thing United Kingdom +, writes (14 August 2010):

Sweet-thing agony auntI would not do this. People are rarely as open as they pretend to be for their mate (usually the person who wants this sort of thing). Then jealousy follows and an inevitable break up evolves.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010):

worry about STD'S...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010):

What should you expect? Who knows? You may not be satisfied with one to one again? You may feel used and dirty? You may start to ask yourself how could he share me like that if he loves me? You may think the fantasy of it is better. I aint ever done it,and i only ever know of one case of it. They did it with another male and female at separate times. A severe case of delayed jealousy,blame,lack of trust led a breakdown of their marriage. My partner told me the female of the couple (me being his friend,her knowing them through me)had asked her for a game of swaps.Her reply being,i`ll ask him,if he says yes,he will be my ex. At the time we thought it was probably a joke. I dont know how people who do it can say they love each other. I do believe in no jealousy,no love.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010):

I wouldn't sugg. having a threesome in a supposed committed and healthy relationship, but if that is what you and your husband has decided to do, then "that's all folks." I would say make sure you use protection, even while engaging (if you do) in oral sex, no anal licking (unless again...you use some sort of protection, which you can't, so this type of sexual act should be out of the question).

Overall I really think you should think twice, maybe even three times about this threesome get-together--like the other posters have cited, I too have heard of horror stories of couples who have part. in this sort of act. I heard one story where the husband wanted his wife to have a threesome that included another guy and the wife ended up falling "in love" with the guy b/c the sex was "mind blowing." The husband no doubt was not a happy camper. Obviously the love level must not be high enough for you or your fiance to consider sharing yourselves with another person. I would think that if both of you loved each other deeply, this sort of thing wouldn't have even come up. All I can say is just be very, very, very careful because, you are treading on "shaky" ground.

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A male reader, baddogbj China +, writes (14 August 2010):

baddogbj agony auntMost important, if you don't feel sure about it, if you don't feel tingly and excited about it then don't do it.

I love threesomes although only ever MFF but I can't imagine ever wanting to ask another man to have sex with my wife or even with my mistress.

If you do feel up for it and excited about it then make sure that you are safe and then just let yourself go and have fun.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010):

I hope he's not a 'complete' stranger, as in, how on earth do you know he's trustworthy? Have you checked out his identity and do you know anything at all about him? Would it not make a lot more sense to meet him in advance and at least get to know him to the point where you've established he's a decent person and not a complete psycho?

As for the wisdom of the threesome, well...there's a mountain of advice here on this site, 80-90% of it against the idea and warning of the repercussions they can have on previously healthy relationships. But if you're both dead set on the idea...you're adults. Go with the flow, do what feels right, and be careful.

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A female reader, romany United Kingdom +, writes (14 August 2010):

romany agony auntNo threesome is based on making love, its purely animalistic and as long as you got these things sorted in your head, then just enjoy. things will happen naturally if your comfortable.

Its not something i've done, and i've heard alot of horror stories whereby people aint felt as good about it after they done it as they did before they done it, one friend even told me that despite her fiance's assurances, he was never the same after, but everyone is different.

I wouldn't worry too much about performance, you cant really go wrong they'll move you to what feels good for them anyway.

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A female reader, Jesc United States +, writes (14 August 2010):

Jesc agony auntWell from what I hear it's best with another guy.

Just depending on how far you all go. If its intercourse with both. You should just relax yourself. At first it will be kinda weird but after a little bit of getting the "beat" It will feel amazing. Their attention will be completely on you. Which from what I hear is easier for guys.

I suppose it all depends on if you guys are going all the way or just oral with the stranger etc.

I'm sorry if I was not much help but if you could maybe inform me more I might be able to through two cents in instead of one C:

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A female reader, Mature Lady United Kingdom +, writes (14 August 2010):

You give me the opinion you are worried and not too keen on this idea,if you have been talked into it give up the idea now,no partner in any relationship should do anything they are not happy with.If you do decide to go ahead with it please have safe sex as you no nothing about this other man.

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