A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am married with a 5 year old son. My husband has depression and has done since before I met him - we've always got through difficult patches and come out the other side still intact. However, his most recent episode (about 2 months ago) threw me for six and I really struggled to cope with it and distanced myself from him and just went off the rails a bit. I am ashamed to say I had a brief fling with another man (which I never, ever thought I'd do) - he flattered me, boosted my confidence and made me feel great about myself when my husband was telling me how selfish I was and that he didn't care if I was dead. This other 'relationship' has now faded out and he is quite cold with me. I see him most days, as he has a son at my son's school. I now feel guilty for getting involved with another man, guilty that I wasn't able to cope with my husband's depression and support him, and awful that this other man is so cold with me now. Right or wrong, I still have feelings for him that I don't seem to be able to get rid of. I'm not eating properly, as I constantly feel sick with the guilt and feeling down, and I'm reminded of it most days when I see him. I know now that these are things I should have thought about before letting it happen, as well as my son, but it's easy to see that with hindsight. I never thought I'd do such a thing to my husband either and I can't believe I was naive enough to think it was the answer to my problems. Has anyone been in a similar situation and will the feelings I have go, eventually? I am going to be seeing a counsellor soon to discuss ways of supporting my husband next time he has a bad time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2008): im glad youve made an appointment to see someone as you need support too this is bound to take its toll on the family, i would suggest getting help as a couple and talking thru your feelings with a third party, certainly dont let your husband be verbally abusive to you tell him your prepared to stand by him while he is ill but not if it involves taking abuse from him there is never an excuse for this, as for the fling you had as its over and you all have to get on as though it didnt happen enjoy the memories and let it go i wish you lots of luck i hope things work out well for you if they do your relationship will be so much stronger for it xxx
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