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Will she sleep with him when she gets married?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 March 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 31 March 2010)
A male United Arab Emirates age 36-40, *utt writes:

my girlfriend is being forced to get maried to someone else and she has no other choice. she had planned to get a divorce after she gets married. I just asked for a promise of not sleeping with him and i will always stay with you. Now she is scared that he might force her and i know she wont tell me if she sleeps with him cuz she loves me and doesnt want to stay without me but i cant have a girl who slept with me and later on with someone else and which she wont tell me, that girl is confused and scared, what to do if that guy doesnt give her a divorce and im confused how to trust her will she sleep with him or not and she wont even tell. she keeps her promise then gets scared of something which she doesnt tell me...

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A male reader, butt United Arab Emirates +, writes (31 March 2010):

butt is verified as being by the original poster of the question

the girl know is in her home country and she looks pretty ha[[y there but on the other side she is making me understand tht she still loves me and wnt sleep with the other guy and will soon take a divorce im a bit confusedthe day she lefft was the only day she was sad and since after that she is happy now,i cant understand this situation.she said tht she will be back after the marraige within 10 days back to me.i dont know what and how to do.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2010):

hi bro,

please find another girl, i am an arab like you and i even live in dubai, what you're doing is very wrong and makes other cultures laugh and make fun of us, how can you ever set this kind of condition, she's not an object, she's a human being, if she gets married she has the right to do whatever she want, and you certainly lack of confidence, there are so many women out there bro, go and live your life, dont be weak, trust me you will appreciate that sometime, life is great and can be thrilling if you want it to be, humans are complex by nature, but you can always change that,

wish you well my friend

M A

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A female reader, iloveblue Canada +, writes (19 March 2010):

iloveblue agony auntI don't think you can do anything about that, you have to accept it. Marriage is not marriage if it's without sex. The husband has the right to have sex with his wife, especially if you are Arabic. Family is very important in your culture, so how can you raise a family if you have no kids? How can you have kids if you don't make love to your spouse? Arabics are very family oriented, I know you know that more than me.

Is there a way you can stop this marriage and ask for her hand instead? That may be the best way you can do, present yourself to her family. If this is impossible in your situation, there are 2 options for you:

Accept that she has to have sex with him and hope she will stick to her word of divorcing her husband later on (risky).

Or

If you can't accept that (i know virginity is very important to in your culture), you have to forget her then and find yourself a wife you can love and raise a family too.

Sorry buddy, that's just the way things are. Good luck to you.

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A male reader, Brunel Wallis and Futuna +, writes (19 March 2010):

Arabic Flag

It is almost impossible for Westerners like myself to understand the cultural and family conditions that come with your part of the World.

The poor girl surely has enough pressure without you applying other conditions.

I wish you well!

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