A
female
age
36-40,
*nchal
writes:I am having relatonship with my boy friend from last four years. We share physical too. Now i m getting marry to another person will my husband able to judge i had sex before. Pls reply soon i m worried Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): He will be able to tell if your hymen has been broken, pain comes with losing your virginity because the vagina is small from not being used but if it has it will fit like a glove so he will know. You should just be honest with him...
A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (3 December 2007):
 No - he cannot really tell if you are virgin or not. If this marriage is arranged you must say you are a virgin and maintain the pretence that you have never had sex. You will have to behave as though you are innocent. Do not tell him you are not innocent and do not discuss it with him. As long as you pretend, he will never know.
Take care
Richard
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A
female
reader, Thorn +, writes (2 December 2007):
Unless you have a doctor examination your husband will not know anything.
I assume you are having an arranged marriage...is that right? You can always try to assess how open your new husband is regarding to sex. Family traditions are not always the children choice as much for boys and for girls. Your husband might not even 'ask' for you both to be physical straight away. See if you can talk. I don't know if you are able to ask him, but it would be good to find out if he was with someone before.
You just never know. You might find out that none of you are virgins and you may be able to have a mutual understanding and agreement to have a fulfilling life and a marriage that makes your family happy.
I hope this help. I do understand what you must be going through!
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A
male
reader, auvi  +, writes (2 December 2007):
it is better if you somehow to to judge it before your marriage. I guess it is an arranged marriage. Take your time to meet the man you are arranged to get married. so then ask him about what kind of girl he was looking for to get married , if you are the type he was looking for... somehow bring up the term sex before marriage ... first ask him if he have had any. then if you feel that he is positive about such matter, then u can make your confession.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2007): If "sex" means you had intercourse with your BF, ofcourse he'd know. Your hymen would be broken, ie, you're not a virgin anymore. I'm sorry, but you asked
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2007): Yes he'll be able to tell. Unless you told him that you are a virgin, and then when he finds out he will see you as a liar. Tell him you have had sex before him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2007): to be honest.. i can't see why its a big deal that you're not a virgin, unless its like a taboo thing where your from?its not very likely he'll be able to tell i don't think
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A
male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (2 December 2007):
First, would it matter if he knew you had prior experience? Of course I recognise that in some religions of cultures this is an important question, but if the answer is that it does not matter, then do not worry. Don't mention it unless asked a point blank question. In which case you should be honest.You do not have to tell all the truth but you should let all that you say be truth. You cannot start off a marriage by lying.Of course it may be that if you do tell him or he finds out some other way that it will end things with him. That is still better than living a lie.I do not believe that a man and a woman should tell everything about themselves and I do believe that it is okay to have secrets from each other. But the guiding factor should always be, if someone tried to blackmail me with this information - threatening to tell my husband/wife -would I give in and pay them or do what they want? If the answer to this question is ever 'yes' about a specific thing, then this is something that you should not keep from your husband. You should carefully choose the way to tell him, but you should tell him. The only way to take away the weapon of a blackmailer is to tell the important party whatever it is that the blackmailer would use. Only then are you safe from past secrets.As to the other part of your question about whether he would be able to tell, it depends. A woman's hymen being present or not is unreliable. In our modern world there are many things that can happen normally during a woman's life that can rupture it. At the age you have declared (22-25) your muscular tone and condition is probably quite good so unless you have been trying to set records or otherwise been excessively 'active' over the norm, then your internal size and strength will be normal. Of course the other thing to consider is that if he is a virgin then how would he know and if he is not then it would by hypocritical of him to apply one rule to you and another to himself.I still think you should find the right way to tell him if you think it might be a problem. You would not want to say or do something when in the throes of passion that would involuntarily give it away and if you are always worrying about it then your own future fulfilment might be hampered.Good luck anyway.
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