A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am in a successful, long-term relationship with someone who I hope to marry. He has not proposed, but we have talked seriously about it.I currently live with my single mother.My biggest concern is that I have little formal education (I have a very hard time with school and cannot stand to be in a career that I don't love, I tried several programs but just lose interesting) but am trying to build my small business. I will likely never bring in even close to what my boyfriend brings in unless my business just really takes off, but I'm a realist and know that while it may pay the bills I'm not about to become wealthy over it. He is aware of this, he says he will help support me, he says "it won't be my money, it will be ours" but I just worry...I worry that I will be a burden on him financially. I worry that later down the road he will become frustrated that he is contributing maybe 75% to the household and me only 25%. I feel like I am just another female dependent on her partner. He tells me that it is ok, that it isn't about, but I'm having a hard time getting over it!Should I just let this go and be happy he is willing to help me out, or do you think in the future this will be an issue?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 October 2016):
 The thing is maybe he does not mind, but am sure it will add pressure to him in the long run. He loves you and wants to look after you. But if it was me I would do any job so I could pay my way. Not a lot of people love what they work as they do it to pay the bills and keep a roof over there head. I would suggest getting a part time job to help him, but off course it is your choice at the end of the day.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2016): Curious to know what kind of business you have, even if you love it .. maybe you should reconsider if you think its not even going to make you a living even if you were single.. And don"t sell yourself short because of education.. I know plenty of people with HS diplomas and they work simpleton jobs.. Its all about what you know or are willing to learn.. If you have the spirit and the will to be into business that is totally awsome.. =) and if he is willing to help even better.. but as a woman who has lost her self completely to co-dependency (absolutely nothing to laugh at) .. try yourself to do this.. I would much rather lean on a family member then your future husband.. If you do get married down the road.. you will feel so much better that you did it on your own.. Go with your gut feelings.. =)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2016): Honestly I think you should at least get a part time job alongside your business venture to help supplement your shared income. I personally don't think it's fair for one person to bring all the money in because the other is choosing to only do jobs they love. That's a nice idea but it's not realistic.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (22 October 2016):
 Would you be OK with your BF quitting his job because it's not what he LOVES to do? Which would mean the BOTH of you would be living off a pittance or maybe even welfare.
A job is not always about doing what you LOVE to do. A job is to keep a roof over your head, food in your mouth and clothes on your body.
Set yourself a time limit for you little business endeavor, if it doesn't take off by the end of that timeline, maybe you need to consider getting a job and re-think the business plan you had. No one is saying that down the line you can't be successful with something YOU love and that you "grew" yourself. But YOU are now an adult and you need to be realistic.
I have an uncle with very little "formal" education. He is severely dyslexic, quite possibly ADHD, but he is creative. He can draw the pants of anyone and he has been a potter for 45 years, a successful one to boot. It hasn't made him rich, but it has afforded him to live where he wants to, to have a nice workshop, a store, horses, money for travel and exhibitions.
When he first started out his first wife carried the financial load. It paid off. It wasn't his talent alone that did it. HE had help building a business plan and help moving it forward.
Another thing, independence is a GREAT thing for anyone. That sometimes means having a job we don't super LOVE.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (22 October 2016):
You begin by saying that you’re in a “successful” relationship. To be successful, there needs to be mutual trust. If it’s going to work between you, you have to be willing to trust in what he says: if he says that he considers the household income to be “our money,” then you really do need to be willing to believe that.
With respect, if it bothers you that much, you could change your own financial situation. Plenty of people aren’t in a career that they love because they don’t have the opportunities or they need a different level of income to what their dream job can offer. It’s your choice not to suck it up and do something that pays better. Your financial situation results from the choices you have made. I think you need to consider whether you’re really happy with those or whether you need to think about a change of direction for your own sake. If you are, then accept that your boyfriend wants you for who you are and that this includes the work that you do, and be happy.
I wish you all the very best.
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