A
female
age
36-40,
*liss84
writes:8 months later and I am still not over her! Fell into a deep infatuation with this girl 8 months ago and I am STILL not over her. She's straight, in a long-term relationship and nothing can ever happen. I even told her I fancied her thinking that maybe if I let her know it will help me get over her. I didn't see her for the past 2 months, today I saw her again for the first time and all the old feelings came rushing back. It made me think...what right does she have to make me completely and utterly fall for her (not love, I don't think so)...makes a person's thoughts, hopes and dreams full of her?? How can someone's present completely take over someone else's life?? I find it strange and disturbing to a certain extent. Even made me wonder today, will I ever get over her?? I realised this is not a specific question but the thought bugs me so much just had to share it.
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female
reader, mcbirdie +, writes (24 May 2007):
 You will get over it, as hard as it is to believe, and what you're going through is just as normal as falling in love.
The difficulty with getting over a crush--in some ways, more so even than getting over an actual relationship--is that so much of it is in your head. You've spent so much time thinking and daydreaming about this woman that it becomes hard to stop. And since you don't have her to interact with every day, you don't get a chance to supplement her idealized features with her less endearing ones.
In how many of your daydreams about her do you picture her withholding sex because she is angry with you? Or getting drunk and embarrassing you in front of your friends or not taking a shower for a few days because she doesn't feel like it? I'm going to guess not very often, because we tend to not put in those realistic touches when we focus on how much we want one person. She hasn't had the chance to break that infatuation spell with you because she isn't really an active part in it.
Eventually, though, you will get bored. I know that that seems a ridiculous thing to contemplate now, but it is true. You can only run through the same idealized fantasies so many times before your mind and your heart will crave more. You'll want someone to give you information about themselves rather than you making it up or guessing. It is a slow process, and you may find you backslide--I can still be startled by thoughts of old crushes--but it will happen. And usually when you least exect it. One day you'll realize you hadn't thought of her for a day or two. And then you'll just keep going longer.
Feeling anger towards her because she "made" you feel this way and then didn't satisfy your desires is normal--just another aspect of your frustration. But do try to make sure that it doesn't build inside you. Remind yourself as needed that she didn't really do anything other than be herself--someone who is attractive to you.
A
female
reader, nicola79 +, writes (24 May 2007):
 welcome to being a normal human. most of us have been here at one point of our lives,but like you say,"its a crush and nothing will ever happen".
she has a boyfriend and loves him by the sound od things,so i think the best thing you can do is admit it to your self and then get on with your life. get out there and meet someone who likes you and has the same feelings for you as you do them. we only have one life,so make your life happy with someone else.
i wish you the best sweety,xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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