A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Please, somebody help me.Me and my now ex boyfriend were dating about a year, we were really good friends before we got together and he ended up moving in with me into my flat pretty quick. Too quick actually... But we made it work. We went through a lot, he lost his driving licence and I lost my job and got a new one, and he had to move closer to work so I moved with him. I gave up everything, I moved a fair way away from my family and friends, and gave away a lot of my things because he didn't like them, to make him happy.We moved into the new house and about a month later he broke up with me. I was devastated and I ended up moving back in with my parents. About a week later when I went to collect the rest of my things he said he missed me and loved me and wanted to get back together, so we did. I was over the moon, I thought that maybe it was just the stress of everything that had been happening in his life that had pushed him to take it out on me and he said he was so sorry.About.... 2 months later he started knit-picking at everything I did / said / wore. Not constantly but he would put me down and when I told him he was doing it he said he didn't mean to and that he was really sorry. I love him so much, and he says he still loves me, but about 2 weeks ago I split up with him...We had a terrible weekend together and he was in a foul mood, and he kept on having a go at me about my new hair and because I like games consoles and paintballing (I'm a bit of a tom-boy) he was unhappy with the fact I'm not (in his words:) a 'normal' girl. He really put me down and I snapped. I said I needed a break from him for a while and he tried to call me but I didn't answer. He texted me saying he was so sorry and that he loves me and I didn't answer. 4 days later I rang him and we spoke on the phone, and he said that he couldn't keep me happy, I couldn't keep him happy, and that his friends don't like me and he doesn't want to have to choose all the time even though he loves me. I told him I hope he and his friends are very happy together and hung up the phone and for about an hour I was relieved that it was finally over and I didn't have to put up with him anymore, but that quickly subsided and ever since I have been miserable.I love him so much and I really want us to work out, I've tried so hard to make him happy and it's obvious he has tried too but things keep messing up. It's really hit home that it could be well and truely over because a mutual friend arrived today with the rest of my things that I had left there, including a gift I gave to him... I rang him a few hours ago to arrange maybe talking to one another and me giving him the rest of his things back and he said "Yeah that would be great" and when I said maybe we could talk he said "Well... what about?" and I said well, about us and he said "We're over, it just wasn't working was it, I love you but we just couldn't make each other happy so I think it's best we just end it on a good note." He was so casual about it, so.... empty... slightly cold.My heart is breaking, I don't want us to end. I love him so much and he says he loves me so surely love is always enough? I can't see myself getting over him, I want to run away just so I don't have to worry about bumping into him or seeing him with someone else. At my lowest moment I thought about ending it all just so I don't have to wake up to whats happening. I want him to miss me so much that he comes running but I don't think he will... How do I make him miss me? Will he? How do I get over him? Please somebody help me, I'm going out of my mind, I've lost my appetitie and I can't see myself ever dragging myself out of this mess.
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a break, broke up, get back together, I love you, moved in, split up, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): Thank you uniquescreenname, that answer was absolutely brilliant, it's really comforted me to think that he will at least be missing me in some way, and thank you for giving me a much clearer picture. You're right that I do deserve better, I realise that now, all my friends and family have been brilliant but I didn't really listen to them as they have all been sat on the sidelines of what's been going on, to hear an unbiased opinion of it was what I needed, thank you both for answering so quickly, I don't feel like I'm in limbo anymore.
My friends took me shopping the other day and I instantly realised, hanging out with my friends and having fun was just what I needed instead of getting drunk and getting down about it. They've all been telling me I will find someone better but I couldn't see it happening but now it's sunk in, when you said someone has to love me for me and not for what they want me to be, it really has helped me start to move on.
Thank you.
E xx
A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (28 May 2009):
 I'm so sorry this happened to you. Breakups are tough but it will get easier as time goes by. Take time to take care of yourself and treat yourself right.
*hug*
On to your ex-boyfriend...he kept putting you down and apologizing but I don't see him actually STOPPING the bad behavior. A guy that always puts you down is the wrong type of guy.
Good luck with everything. I hope it gets better soon.
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