A
female
age
36-40,
*ub_chic69
writes:I've known him for 5 years. I got along with his wife and him but I never knew we would end up having an affair together. The first time we got together it was just kissing and it felt so right. The next time I saw him I just wanted to be with him so badly. The second time we got together we made love. Then a couple months later he decided to come home with me. He stayed with me for a couple weeks now but he left back home to his parents home. He has five kids with his wife, but the thing is he said she doesn't love him anymore. For the past year they been sleeping in separate rooms and they never had sex for 6 months. Everytime he would try kiss her or hug her she would tell him to fuck off. He is was very truthful to her and honest. But I know we are in love with each other but I am also afraid he will leave me to be back with her. Maybe I should just tell him how I feel. I don't want to get hurt.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2008): Imagine what a beautiful world it would be if every woman would stop openning thier legs to every married man that comes along........Men would probably keep their pants on eventually, but too many skanky desperate women, who try to be the "one" who is special in a mans life. and turns out to be used as a piece of meat.
These women have low self-esteem, and obviously no morals its too bad.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2008): OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What is wrong with you, he clearly wants his wife back, why is he desperately trying to win her back, you were so wrong from the start. Where are your morals, now it is Karma, take the hint, and good for his wife, I wish I had her guts to do what she is doing to her husband, making him show her how much he wants her back....
P.S. After a man lives with a woman, has children together they MAKE LOVE......when he takes up with another woman thats called SEX! no LOVE there....if there was he would not be chasing his wife again!
Sorry for being so harsh....But Karma is a Bitch
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (23 October 2008):
 I'm going to apologise in advance because a lot of what I'm about to say may offend. However, my advice is on here to give you my point of view and not just because I feel like having a go at you.
Hun, the point behind all this problem is trust, as you probbaly know. The fact that you had an affair with a married man automatically gives you the sense of mistrust towards him because you can see from your position that if he's cheated on his wife and left his 5 kids, then he may well do the same to you.
I find this paragraph particularly interesting that you typed down.
"Everytime he would try kiss her or hug her she would tell him to fuck off. He is was very truthful to her and honest." - your words, or his? It sounds to me like his words are coming out of your mouth and this is because you are trying to give excuses for why this affair took place. If these are his words, it's as if he's programmed in reasons why he started sleeping with you based on a guilty coscience.
Hun, he wasn't truthful and honest towards his wife, was he? He had an affair with you.
"But I know we are in love with each other but I am also afraid he will leave me to be back with her. Maybe I should just tell him how I feel. I don't want to get hurt."
Well, this basically states what the wife probably felt when her husband ran out and left her and his 5 kids.
There really, to me, isn't an easy way out of trust problems. You have to have strong foundations to build it on, and as this has already been built up of lies and deceit, you can't expect the feeling of mistrust to go away.
I'm unsure of whether talking to him will help you trust him to be honest, it seems that he just gives you words that make you feel better about having lied.
"He has five kids with his wife, but the thing is he said she doesn't love him anymore. For the past year they been sleeping in separate rooms and they never had sex for 6 months." - again. You have believed every word he says because it gives you an excuse to stop feeling guilty about the situation but yet you still have an inkling that he will run off back home?
You could try talking to him about it, but I don't know whether it's enough to sort out the trust problems in this relationship.
I would say that while he's at his parents house, you think about whether you can see yourself together in a few years time. If not, then you know what to do. If you do, make sure it's not just you thinking what you want to happen. If you think that this relationship is worth pursueing go for it. But as I said, the relationship has been built on lies and so the whole time you're together, you will not trust him as much as you would had it not started with an affair.
Take care xx
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A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (23 October 2008):
 You may have been used as a mistress here, and much of what you related sounds more like "his version" which is not necessarily the truth. You may feel hurt if such is the case, but you are very young and will get over it. Learn from this - namely, never to trust married men who are seeking extramarital sex.
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