A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I just found out my wife cheated on me while we were engaged. I'm really angry and hurt. I don't know what to do.We were engaged and got married in Summer 2007. There was one time we had a big fight and didn't speak for 2 weeks, but didn't break up or anything. I just found out that my wife went on a double date during that 2 weeks, and had performed a sexually intimate act on the guy she was with (oral).The way I found out was, my wifes 'former' girlfriend (not in a sexual way, just a friend), and she's a 'former' friend because she is nothing but trouble. Anyway, this former friend got my wife to go out on a double date with her and her current boyfriend. I of course knew nothing of this at all.This ex-boyfriend of her friend (not the guy my wife, then fiancee was with) is now dating someone my wife and I are friends with. Just about a week ago, he and I were talking, and this ex-girlfriend of his, who is the 'former' friend of my wife who set up the double date came up in conversation. He mentioned he knew my wife before he met me because they had gone on a double date. He obviously doesn't know the timeframe of my wife and my relationship, because he said this was sometime in Spring 2007 (this is when we had the fight, but were already engaged). He told me that my wife was hot and I was lucky to have her because she was wild and all over this guy on the first date. I pressed for a little more info, and he said his 'ex-girlfriend' was going down on him, and my wife was really 'going to town on his dick' (his words). I'm really angry, hurt, and confused. If I found this out before we got married, I would not have gone through with the wedding. Don't tell me the past is the past, because this isn't the past, this is during our relationship, and we were engaged and got married like 5 months later. Now, not only and I not trusting my wife, I'm hurt by what she did to me, and this new friend is in our lives who knows what she did (although I didn't ever tell him that we were together then, he assumes it's before she met me).I have confronted her and she admitted to going out, but 'conveniently doesn't rememember anything about the date'. She claims she is sorry, and nothing like that ever happened before or since, but she is still not saying how intimate the date was. Should I leave? Should I really force the issue and say I know she gave the guy a blowjob? Or What?
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blow-job, cheated on me, engaged, ex girlfriend, fiance, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): When people separate, they need to spell out ahead of time whether this is a "see other people/sleep with other people" period or not.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2009): HiThere is one thing i will comment on...Blaming her friend is not the answer or REASON ...your wife CHOOSE to go on a double date etc etc...the friend did not have a gun at her head...SHE CHOOSE HERSELF TO DO WHATEVER SHE DID AND IS SOLEY RESPONSIBLE FOR HER OWN ACTIONS.VIA CON DIOS.
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A
female
reader, liv1143 +, writes (27 February 2009):
 you should deffinately confront her. you completely deserve to know the truth, and she shouldnt be angry with you while telling you, she should be completely remorseful and appologetic. not fake, but as a wife that messed up and is apologizing with everything that is in her. if she loves you and truly cares, she will be honest when you ask her what really happened. hope everything turns out the way it should. :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): I agree with lillymay, once you know a bit you gotta know it all. Not knowing will truly kill you, unlike what others may tell, ignoring something like this is hard. And not knowing makes your mind wander and go crazy with limitless possibilities.The rest of whatever else you do is up to you.
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A
female
reader, lillymay  +, writes (27 February 2009):
 hi,I'm sorry you are going through this, its very painful. Yes, you should force the issue, wheather you decide to end the relationship or not, its important 4 peace of mind that you know what happened. I know not everyone would agree with me, but from personal expeirence I found knowing the truth helped me to cum to terms with wat happened. My boyfriend at the time was the love of my life and he cheated with my friend i was living with. It ruined the frienship with both of them. I will tell you, it will hurt but you will know if your wife is telling you the truth, go with your gut. Don't discuss it over a drink and do it privately, so as it stays your business. I cannot tell you if you should leave or stay, that is completely your choice but, I will say, trust will become a big issue in your marriage, but it is possible to rebuild trust over time.Think about what kind of person yoyr wife is. Do you believe she is the kind of person to lie and cheat in every day life? How does she treat her friends and family? If your answers are that she is a good person then maybe she does deserve to be forgiven and give the marriage another go. People do make mistakes and mess up, I'm sure you have through your life as we all have, it can be only your decision, if your answers to those questions are that she treats everyone badly and she lies and cheats then you have to think what life would be like with that person. You need to consider everything in this decision because it's your life, you have to live it, no one can live it for you. People are good at criticising other people but they are no different from me and you.good luck. I hope this helped and don't hesitate to write if you would like further advice. Please let me no how it all works out. lillymay.
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