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Wife hints at a threesome, should I surprise her one day or keep it as a fantasy?

Tagged as: Sex, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 January 2010) 7 Answers - (Newest, 19 February 2010)
A male United States age 41-50, *an M. writes:

I have always been turned on with the idea of a MMF threesome with my wife. Not Bisexual in anyway, just for her. The other day we had a couple drinks and we started fooling around, the topic came up and she told me the type of guy she would want and not want in a threesome and said she didn't know if she could really do it without a couple drinks, but if she had a couple drinks she might do it and would love it.

Then when sober claimed she really did not remember it, sometimes during sex she says it turns he on and she would love it, what she would like us to do to her.. After sex.. It seems to get more complicated and she isn't so sure.. What should I do, take her out for a couple drinks and suprise her with a threesome or just keep it fantasy. We both seem to get turned on by the idea she just seems more reluctant to talk openly about it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010):

I have done this. Well, it was not a surprise. We had talked about it "as a fantasy " for some time (about 2 years) however about 3 years ago we were on a cruise and we were open to all possibilities (MMF and FFM). Unfortunately for me it was easier to get a man to agree than it was a woman. Anyway we met this Handsome and extremely nice German guy whose name I cannot remember. We spent the night getting "wasted" with this guy(amongst other people) and finally after all the dancing and flirting we got the courage to ask him. He was reluctant at first but agreed to the idea after a while. So, we went back to the room and did it, long story short, we did it, it was very awkward, he left, then we made fun of his "dog sized penis" the rest of the night. We did however both say we were sorry(for reasons unknown cause it was both of our ideas) Ok bottom line... We never done it again, and if we could take it back we would. PS we are still happily married.

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A female reader, dorothy2342 United States +, writes (22 January 2010):

dorothy2342 agony auntDon't do it. You really have nothing to gain and everything to loose. In so many cases you stand to loose love, respect, and trust. Once you see her with another man the time will come you will worry that you might be completely left out of the equation. She might find hooking up with other men to be enjoyable enough to do without you. Why on earth would you want to share your love one with another man. He is only there to please himself and use you and her. Don't be stupid and ask for trouble. Why would you want to be married to a woman that screws other men? Keep your fantisy, but leave it a fantisy.

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (22 January 2010):

Miamine agony auntHere's the post that Angzw is talking about.. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/we-had-a-group-sex-thing-and-now.html

Before you can even consider threesomes, you have to do a pile of research, and have a strong committed relationship that is totally unshakable. You have to know yourself inside out, and know and trust your partner completely. Group sex is not something to just fall into casually, it usually rocks your world and your conception of self, and your relationship with your wife, and your image of her will forever be changed. The fact that your not sure if she is serious or not, shows me that you and her haven't reached the levels of honesty that group sex needs.

Bad, bad idea.. fantasy is wonderfull, the reality of sharing your partner is something else, and will bring up emotional issues about all sorts of things that you never, ever imagined.

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A female reader, Angzw Zimbabwe +, writes (22 January 2010):

Some fantasies are best left to the porn industry... Not everything like this works well in real life because emotions are involved. We have another poster here today (look through the postings) who is dealing with the aftermath. Just have fun talking about it during drinking binges and leave it at that; unless she directly asks you, while sober.

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A male reader, Honest Answer United States +, writes (22 January 2010):

Honest Answer agony auntKeep it a fantasy. There are just some fantasies that nedd to remain fantasies. Talking about it and actually doing it are the differences between night and day.

Good Luck!

Jeff

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2010):

I would avoid the surprise-element. A threesome needs to be anything but a surprise, it needs to be well thought about, have all parts agree to what is going to happen and what is not going to happen. Also you and your wife should agree to sop if one of you in the midst of things feel uncomfortable. Also be prepared that after the sex things can be complicated. If it does, simply avoid doing it again. Experimenting doesnt mean you have to do it over again. But avoid the surprises and look together for a third person to join you.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom + , writes (22 January 2010):

Possibly not a good idea. Men and women have done this before, then wondered why the relationship has gone on to break down. Best kept as a fantasy

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