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How do I talk to him about my issues? WITHOUT yelling, screaming, or becoming hostile.

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 January 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 22 January 2010)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I am becoming one of those girls that yell at their boyfriend about everything. I feel automatically horrible and a lot of the time it's just because I want him to understand something that is bothering me. I feel I may have an anger issue. Whenever a problem comes up..I want to fix it immediately..whether it's fighting or talking about it. He takes it as I am bashing him or saying he is not a good boyfriend. That is NOT what I am doing..I just want to fix our issues when they arise instead of shoving them away. I am causing a great relationship to become a constant fighting one..how do I go about talking to him about my issues? WITHOUT yelling, screaming, or become hostile.

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (22 January 2010):

You could just talk to him and say that if something is bothering you then you will write it down in an email or letter. That way you don't argue... but he has to promise to take it seriously.

I wonder why he dosen't seem to take you seriously now?

Is it really as great relationship as you think?

How many "issues" need to crop up before it stops being great?

Good Luck!! xx

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A female reader, Miss King ! United Kingdom +, writes (22 January 2010):

Miss King ! agony auntIt's always easy to let yourself get carried away with your frustrations, I know exactly how you feel, sometimes its easier to get things done by just shouting and getting an immediate response.

However.. as you say its causing your relationship to change for the worse. It's important to keep things in context, when there's a small problem and you scream about it, it takes a very mellow person to not get angry back.

I think its difficult to know what to do about this, you clearly need to tell your boyfriend that you feel you have a problem dealing with your anger and frustration, im sure he'll want to help you so that you can go back to having a happy relationship.

I myself am quite a highly strung person too, and it doesnt take much to get me going, what I do is take time out just to sit on my own for a while everyday and just chill, with no one talking, no tv, no music etc. Or just lie there with my eyes shut, it helps me unwind and think about things properly. Sometimes whilst resting I think about the things I make a huge deal about and realise I owe my boyfriend an apology, maybe this is something you can try?

Another thing I do is ask my boyfriend what things I do that reeeaaally bug him, for example my problem is being SO messy, when we sit down and chat about it, it turns into a laughing fit, I cant believe some of the things he comes out with and it makes it easier to deal with them when I do it again, because it just makes us laugh. If you do this with him, it will open both of your eyes to how simple and silly some things are, alot of the time in relationships being so close to somebody gets too much and tiny tiny things start to annoy the hell out of you, but if you can learn to laugh at them, and appreciate eachother for the funny little habbits you both have it will become much easier to laugh it off rather than scream and fight!

Try it, you never know it could really help!

Good luck! x x x

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (22 January 2010):

Miamine agony auntRead "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" by Dr John Grey. It's a classic textbook explaining differences in communication styles within relationships. It will help you to put yourself in his shoes, and find a way to talk to him in a more satisfying way.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2010):

I think that if you have anger issues then you might want to see a doctor. Are there any underlying feeling which you have towards your bf? i.e resentment, Jealousy etc? Are you like this with anyone else? If it is just your bf you are like this with then i would suggest having a good think and see if there is any reasons (like listed above) why you are like this with him! I hope this helps!

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