A
male
age
51-59,
*appyMarried31
writes:I have questions about my wife looking at other men. As an example, we went to a family event and my wife could not take her eyes of one of the other fathers. The guy was tall and more muscular than average. I know people look, but this was intense, like I was not even there. I tried to talk with her and she ignored me because she was so into looking at him. It was actually embarrassing. Another time we were at the store as a family. She literally moved around other people so she could continue to look at another guy. She moved feet away from the rest of us. I notice this type of thing often. I am fairly attractive, but average. I am probably more attractive for a man than she is for a woman. This is not like an ugly guy with a fantastic woman. I think her actions are strange and this bothers me a lot. Are her actions normal? I don't see other women doing the same thing. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2011): The problem doesn't seem to be with you. Obviously, she can't get past trust issues and her past. For better or for worse, just keep being supportive but tell her that her actions are concerning you. You would seem "too nice" if you just didn't say anything to her and let her behavior continue. Good Luck!
A
male
reader, HappyMarried31 +, writes (16 September 2011):
HappyMarried31 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all of the advice. I do think there is a respect issue. My wife had some very questionable relationships in her past that I found out about later. A few guys treated her like a dog. A person would think that my treating her with respect would be positive but somehow I don't think it is working this way.
I am not sure how to gain back respect. I am probably being too nice.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2011): I agree with everyone else. It is disrespectful. My hubby and I joke around about noticing other members of the opposite sex (esp. when they've had obvious cosmetic enhancements!). It is normal to look (we are not blind afterall!) but oogling and ignoring you is wrong. She seems to want attention from other guys. Talk with her about it. Maybe, you can pay more attention to her and she won't need to look for it elsewhere? Just saying--if you are already doing that then maybe some counsling is necessary.
...............................
A
male
reader, PilotGuy  +, writes (16 September 2011):
I wouldn't consider her actions as normal. Like other people have said, it's disrespectful! Sure, everyone looks at people of the opposite sex even if they have a bf/gf. But intense staring and positioning herself just to get a better view of oher guys does not seem like normal behaviour. It is disrespectful, especially when you are with her and the family is around.
I think you should definitely talk to her about it and let her know it is bothering you. I'm sure if roles were reversed she wouldn't like it either.
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (15 September 2011):
 Sounds pretty disrespectful. You should talk to her about it and tell her you feel unappreciated/disrespected. Sure everyone notices, but that sounds pretty ridiculous. It's certainly a bad thing when it starts eating at your self esteem.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2011): This is very odd. I may notice a guy a briefly think he is cute or whatever, but I don't sit there staring and oggling. That is completely disrespectful! Of course when you are married you don't go blind, but of course you also don't specifically reposition yourself to stare at someone.Also... I would find it unsettling to be stared at by someone I didn't know. I would tell her it makes you uncomfortable. I'm sure she wouldn't like it if when you were looking or talking to women your eyes were glued to their chests or butts....
...............................
A
female
reader, sammi star +, writes (15 September 2011):
 Well it's one thing to look but to be so caught up in watching other guys that she's ignoring you is taking it to extremes. Have you actually sat her down and spoken to her about it? I think she'd feel pretty bad if you explained to her the way you have to us. Ask her how she'd feel if the tables were turned!
...............................
A
male
reader, Advice_man +, writes (15 September 2011):
 I don't know if that's normal but it surely is disrespectful!!“I tried to talk with her and she ignored me because she was so into looking at him.” – How did you allow her to behave like this??? How did you accept such disrespectful attitude? Sorry to say this but it is your fault. Improper behaviour by women towards their husbands/ boyfriends doesn’t just start overnight. It builds up over time, so your wife lost respect in you long time ago and you didn’t protest probably because you are a nice guy. I think it’s about time for some boundaries to be set and to show her who is the man of the house. Pass her the message that such unacceptable behaviour will no longer be tolerated. It will be hard to gain back respect but that’s the right thing to do. Best wishes!
...............................
|
