A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have had a friend for nearly 20 years. At least, I always thought of her as a friend. We first met when I was a struggling single parent who was attending college classes and working. We bonded immediately at a church function and would spend hours on the phone, or I would visit her at her home. When I graduated, I accepted a job in a neighboring state and prepared to move house. She was right there, helping me with finding a new apartment, contacting church members there to welcome me, and loaning me money until I got on my feet. She also hid presents amongst my boxes, which I didn't discover until I had started to unpack. Her generosity was almost excessive, when I look back but at the time I felt really loved and cherished as a friend. Over the years, I began to lose touch, but once in awhile I would phone her and she would chat with me as if it were only yesterday.Three years ago I got married. I called her to share my news and she seemed happy for me. During the time before my marriage, I had moved far away, so when I informed her my husband and I were planning to move back to the same state she lived in, she actually started encouraging me to read websites about hate crimes. (I am in an inter-racial marriage, btw) I asked her why on earth she would say this, when I had spent most of my life in that part of the the world, had raised my daughter there, and had befriended many of different nationalities. I felt odd, after I hung up, but a week later, called again to ask for pointers on an interstate move. She again brought up the hate crime websites, and I realized with a sinking feeling that she was trying to discourage me from moving back!The second blow came, when I decided to go on FB and request friend status. She blocked me. Then I found that she had been keeping steady contact with my daughter, and was friends with her on FB. Later my daughter admitted that my so called friend had made disparaging remarks about me to her. This in particular rankled, because that is my only child, and I am very confused as to why my so called friend prefers the friendship of my much younger daughter than myself, and has seemingly turned against me. I have had a major blow, here and am very confused and hurt by it all. I just can't fathom her behavior and would very much welcome input from others here.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2015): sounds like she might be a bit racist. the websites are probably ones she
frequents herself. otherwise nice people can be racist too.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo the first response: If she is going through tough times she sure doesn't behave like it! She has her own business, and is doing well as far as I know. She and her husband have been married a long time and she didn't speak of any problems. She is very extroverted and certainly didn't seem reluctant to speak to me on the phone. That's why it was so odd when she blocked me on FB.
To the second response, my daughter has said that they don't discuss me, but they must have, for her to have made disparaging remarks about me.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (22 August 2015):
 Maybe she is going through a tough time in her life and is taking it out on the people she loves. Bitterness / depression / mental illness can lead to erratic behaviour like this. When someone is depressed, mentally stressed or on the verge of a nervous breakdown, they find ways to shut everyone out.
I think your friend is in a lot of emotional pain...just a hunch...but I could be wrong.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (22 August 2015):
 I have no idea why she did what she did.
The only thing I can think off is she befriended your daughter to keep in touch and keep tabs on you.
I would sit your daughter down and explain why it upset you. But don'y tell her NOT to remain friends, it's up to your daughter too choose, but if she DOES remain friends to NOT talk about you and your life.
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