A
male
age
41-50,
*ost1979
writes:My girlfriend decided I was "smothering" her, and decided that she wanted to be friends. We subsequently had an argument, basically homing in on the fact that she seemed to actually be finding ways to sabotage the relationship - something she acknowledged at the end, seemingly semi-pleased with herself, saying "...you almost had me in love and all that." In any case, she basically asked for space, and I've given it and told her if she needed a friend right now, then cool. I've refrained from talking much....no calling or even texting unless she's initiated contact. I then told her I needed time to understand what's happened, and that I'd get with her at some point. She actually got upset about me wanting time to process. Two questions: why literally call and text the same and next day? And, why would she be angry for me wanting some time?
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female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (5 June 2011):
 You sound like a caring and understanding guy, and I don't think she really appreciated what she had. Her loss, and you can do better.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2011): This is either her way of assuming control, as YouWish suggests (which is often the case) or she enjoys the security of having you close by without being smothered by a relationship (also common).Either way it is a bit indelicate, to not to appreciate that a grieving party may want a bit of space of their own to reflect and regroup.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 June 2011):
 I know the word "controlling" is in my opinion almost overused, but in this case, it's a very subtle form of control she's wanting over you.
The "you almost had me in love" comment is the telltale. She wants you at arms length because typically, the one who is less "in love" usually has the power and control in a relationship.
You did the right thing by backing away, and in doing so, you revealed her true machinations. She's angry with you because if you pull away, you wrest control.
Bottom line - she said the word "wants to be friends". This is a bonafide breakup. This isn't a "give me some time" moment. This is a "break everything off" moment.
The good news is, you're free, single, and you sound like a loving guy. The bad news is, if you don't break free, you're in for a long period of these head games.
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