A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How come after every relationship ends, I say I want a good guy. I want a guy that will finally treat me good, with the respect I know I deservebut how come when a guy like that comes around, then I don't want to take the chance?Why would I rather have a bad guy and try to change him, then have a good guy that doesn't have to be changed?I wouldn't go for a guy that doesn't do drugs, but I would go for a guy that does drugs even though I don't like it and then argue about it with him for hours, in hopes that he will change?Has anybody else experienced this? Why can't I ever just be attracted to somebody who will always be good to me? and who I don't have to force to be good to me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009): Because some women and maybe you have this crazy idea that your man should be something of your own creation that you can change a guy. You cant men are accused of being very shallow when they only go after a certain type of woman and dont give other women a chance, well men go after what they like.
If you do choose a guy who is nasty be prepared for heartbreak because you cannot change somebody else.
It may be because being with a guy who you want to change gives you purpose, makes you feel needed and gives you satisfaction when he does the right thing. If thats the case then have you considered a pet.
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (2 September 2009):
 I don't know how to break this to you, but I am a good guy, and women like you have dumped me all of my life.
The few that have not, have realized that I am not boring. Its just that if you want the excitement, the mystery and the fun with the nice guys, and you want the naughty stuff so to speak, then you shouldn't trash us out that easy.
Seriously, if you actually looked to what you're doing, you'd see that you want the sensation and thrill of doing something "bad" and then when the knot gets tied, or there's a commitment there, you want us to be boring, respectful and follow you around.
So be honest with yourself. If you want bad guys, then you get what you bargained for. He will walk all over you, treat you badly, disrespect you, use you and then throw you away. That's when you yearn for a good guy. Then you find a good guy, there's plenty of us, we treat you well, with respect and so forth, and then you doormat us, throw us away and .... get this .... accuse us of being manipulators.
Yep. That's right. We're too nice and so we MUST be manipulating you.
In reality, its the other way around. With the bad guys, the women get manipulated. With the good guys, we try and respect you and we get manipulated.
Here's the solution:
When you meet a nice guy, let him know the things you really enjoy doing and what you want do be doing. You'd be surprised that we can do all those things for you, respect you and all you have to do is respect us and love us of course. Its that easy.
Then you won't have to fall for bad boys anymore.
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A
female
reader, AgonyAuntBlondiee  +, writes (2 September 2009):
 I have the exact same problem! There came a stage in my life where I had to pick between two guys; One was the most trustworthy, sweet, kind and caring guy I've ever met the other was a rough, drug user, party animal, care free bad guy. Needless to say i picked the bad guy. I would have got bored with the other guy, I'm not ready to settle down. And though he would have treated me like a princess if there is no chemistry, you can't create it.I think the issue is you cannot help who you are attracted to and who you fall in love with. Bad guys give you a rush and excitement that you are attracted to. You can't have chemistry and sparks with someone you are not attracted to.Hope this helps :)AgonyAuntBlondiee x
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