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Why would he try to have sex with me when I was sleeping?

Tagged as: Dating, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 December 2006) 7 Answers - (Newest, 29 July 2007)
A female age 30-35, *tudentNurse20 writes:

Hi, this is my first ever question. my bf and i have been together for nearly two years. I came home late very tired, he stayed over at my place. we went to bed and i awoke to him trying to have sex with me. I just dont know what to think, we have a good sex life, so i dont understand the need to try and wake me up for sex. In a way i feel disgusted and hurt. I just dont know what to do or say, how should i deal with this? am i wrong in feeling this way?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2007):

This happened to me a few times with a guy I dated long ago. We had a perfectly healthy sex life, but I woke up to him touching me and rubbing himself on me.

Honestly? I was immensely turned on by it and didn't let him know I woke up, I just gave a couple quiet moans and moved around to make it easier for him as if I was dreaming.

If you feel like he was trying to take something from you that you didn't want to give I can understand your hurt, but look at it from all perspectives. Talk to him about it, find out what it was that made him think that was a good idea.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2007):

im 22, and it happens to me quite often with my bf of 7 years, either he is woken up by me or vice verca. Dont worry about it, its fab!!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2007):

LOL Lily I agree, yeah come to think of it I agree with your bf, that would be a pretty cool thing to happen =)

I have spoken to some girls about this subject, some find it a massive turn on and some seem to hate the idea, guess the question asker falls in to the later group. Nothing wrong with that, she's just not in to that kind of thing!

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A female reader, Lilly223 United States +, writes (5 January 2007):

Lilly223 agony auntI realize that this comment is a bit late in the game, but this question tickled me, as I had a conversation with my bf about this very thing just the other day. He tells me, and it was verified by several of his male friends, that many men fantasize about being awoken by a woman having sex with them. Thier explination to this was "If it is there, I want you to use it." Perhaps the bf of the poster was thinking that this would be something she would find exciting and would enjoy. Maybe not a smart move considering he didn't throw it by he first, but it could be part of the reason why he tried it. I personally wouldn't be offended if my bf woke me up this way, but he better make sure that he does it nicely and takes in to consideration just how tired I was when I went to bed. Just a thought.... not advice.

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A female reader, AngelofLove United Kingdom +, writes (1 January 2007):

AngelofLove agony auntHe was a bit selfish assuming it would be ok. Let him know that you only enjoy it when you are awake so he knows your boundaries.

I am sure that he did not mean to hurt you, but by setting the record straight, he will have no doubts.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2007):

i guess it depends on whether he was trying to do it without waking you- because that would be weird. If you think he was just hoping for some late night hooky, and that you would wake up, I don't think you have anything to worry about.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2006):

I think you may be going a bit overboard here feeling disgusted and hurt...why would you feel disgusted if you have a good sex life that he was horny in the middle of the night and wanted you, maybe he did not think you would object to being woken up later after you came home so tired and wanted to go right to sleep, maybe he though all you needed was a nap before sex, but I would not be offended unless he got mad when you turned him down, now that would be disrespectful....and if you really never want to be woken up like that again in the future, I guess you should just tell him so....

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