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Why won't my girlfriend spend time with me?

Tagged as: Dating, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 November 2008) 7 Answers - (Newest, 29 August 2010)
A male United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

my gf won't spend time with me, were schoolmates and its just in school that we are together mainly lunch time but its only for a short time and we can't be sweet to each other cause she doesn't want it and its not allowed, we've been together for 3 months, and every time i ask her out she will just say "I'll try" then when it doesn't push through she'll say that she will make it up next time its always like that. i ask her to eat out after school and she says she can't because her younger brother has to go home but when her friends ask her she goes without hesitation. we never have time together. i want to talk to her about it but I'm afraid that we might fight. i need help, i don't know what to do

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010):

so as a girlfriend in a situation much like this, do what your heart tells you. If you think she isn't going to give you what you need, which is time love and affection, that's her loss. Not your's. Leave the woman before it gets any harder, You'll BOTH benefit. And there is plenty of fish in the sea, sounds corny but it's true, theres 6 billion people in this world. She's not the only one.

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A male reader, big popsicle United States +, writes (21 March 2010):

i have the same problem right now with my girlfriend, she never asks me to call her, she says she loves me but it seems like she doesnt. she always says shes shy but im not a shy guy, and i dont know if we can work it out if we are 2 different types of people.But the way i see it is if your not happy than u need to talk to her about it. If that doesnt work than its probably time to dump her. If you 2 are meant to be, u will be together, if not than you wont. they sy u never know if u love somebody til u let them go

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A male reader, promarcus United Kingdom +, writes (4 June 2009):

I've got the exact problem with my girlfriend,we have been together for 4 months and I'm lucky if i spend 2-3 hours with her a week and she lives 5 minutes away. its really been getting to me but my mate gave me a book to read and it helped me a lot it says how you are a prize to be pursued, a person of value and an opportunity of a life time and if she isn't prepared to value that opportunity, then she doesn't deserve to have it this book is a part of my life now and im getting to that point when im the one doing everything in my power to make this work but im seeing no change dont get me wrong shes the sweetest thing i could ask for but as i said before you are a prize to be pursued x

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008):

I have the exact same problem with my gf, she barely has time to spend with me at school which obviously doesn't qulify as being in 'a relationship'. I did eventually speak to her about it, she agreed and said that we really should be spending more time together but then nothing changed we still spent as little time as before, yet she keeps being sweet on the phone and all but not when we're face to face which really is confusing maybe she doesn't want to show it to others ... As for the spending time issue, I think i'll probably end up bringing it up again and if she still isn't willing to put some effort into this relationship then yeah breaking up seems to be the most logical solution even if I really like her a lot, I would hope the would be some other solution to this..

anyway I hope this helps and that someone would think of sharing some new perspective to work with in this situation that would be very much appreciated.


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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2008):

Ultimately, people choose what they want. You have to recognize that she does not want to spend time with you. This may be because of other commitments that she feels are more important, or because she simply does not want to be with you. Relationships are based on fulfilling each others needs. If you feel you need more time with her, tell her (in a relaxed way), and get her to agree to spend more time with you. If she does not agree, it is very likely she is more interested in her other activities than with you. If she does agree, but still does not spend time with you, it is likely that she is more interested in other activities but too afraid to tell you she doesn't want to spend time with you. If she does make some effort (or compromise), all should be fine.

A large problem for men with romantic relationships is that men are brought up to believe that women prefer men who chase them. Women generally have to feel a sense of fun and protection from men, but chasing a woman too much indicates to her that you have low self-value, and thus she will not value you. Therefore, be calm and friendly with her, but if she is not fulfilling your needs, find another girlfriend.

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (15 November 2008):

It sounds like she doesn't want to be your girlfriend at all.

You can either put up with being ignored like this or you can tell her that you don't think she's interested and you want to go back to being friends.

If she makes more effort then she does care, if she just says "whatever" then it's clear she isn't interested.

Good Luck!! xx

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A female reader, Tigerlily United States +, writes (15 November 2008):

This girl doesn't sound like much of a girlfriend. When you say you have been "together" for 3 months, but she won't spend time with you or be sweet to you at school sounds like she is not even willing to acknowledge that you are her boyfriend? It doesn't sound like she wants anyone to know. I hate to say it but she may be getting ready to dump you.

I would break up with her and walk away. You don't need to be treated like that. You can find a better girl who will actually want to spend time with you.

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