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Why won't he sleep with me more often?

Tagged as: Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 April 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 20 April 2009)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. We have a 2 yr daughter together. After the first year, he and I gained some weight. As the weight started adding on, the sex became less and less. I love having sex, and he loves having sex....but he never seems to be in the mood. I'm only 24 and I'm afraid to marry him because I don't want to spend the rest of my life in a sexless marriage. I really love him...and I think he loves me, but every time I try to talk about it with him, he gets defensive. Then when he finally calms down, he always promises me that he'll change, and show me more attention. We only average about 2 to 4 times per month. I would like to sleep with him 2-4 times per week. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if he is falling out of love with me. I know he loves me...and we are best friends, but I don't know if he is 'in love' with me anymore. I'm so worried that he is sleeping with someone else. Could it just be stress???? He says that it's his meds and stress. We are stressed all the time, but I like to have sex to escape from the stress for a little while. Plus, when we do have sex, he only lasts for a couple minutes. If the sex lasted longer, then once a week would be fine with me, but when he gets off after 2 shoves, then once a week is NOT enough. What can I do?

View related questions: best friend, in the mood

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009):

he should see a doc or try getting him to stay longer by being intimate and take away all the pressure.also try losing the weight together.

try being intimate and get him psyched up&in the mood then calm down and just rub him ect... maybe he suffers from pre mature ejaculation and is self concious of it.he needs to calm his mind, not focus on whats at hand so much, just enjoy it and stay away from his sensetive area till he wants u to, then work him up then move away a lil wn u see him really into it.u may have to focus on him alot 1st be4 u get th pleasure u need out of intercourse.

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A female reader, kellyxxx United Kingdom +, writes (20 April 2009):

kellyxxx agony auntWhy don't you both join a gym or start excersising at home? The weight will come off, you will bond over something new and your sex life should return! Alternativly buy a vibrator! X

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009):

yeah, he might love you but not be "in love" with you anymore. you're young and it's only 2-4 times a month?! yikes, that's not good, but then again sometimes having a kid can kill the sex. i think you should either tell him that you want to see a sex therapist together or that you will leave him, see what he does. but you do not have to accept this fate. a young guy should still want lots of sex from you, so something is wrong here.

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