A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I have a question that probably doesn't have any simple answer but I just was wondering what people might have to say. I tend to be able to have good long conversations about significant things or even things that aren't necessarily too important but with people i'm friends with. I can also be helpful in a therapeutic way though I'm not a therapist by any professional means toward people whom I may not have a close relationship. Meaning, I can talk to people for a long time about the inner stuff the stuff bothering them or stuff they love but of course its not the best idea to talk to mere aquantences about these types of topics because the issue of not having boundaries with issues comes up. However, I'm wondering how can I have borderline superficial more than 2 minute conversation with someone. I see people do it the problem is if I do it I'll do it with people whom I've already established a relationship with. I can talk with those who I'm not that close with about things going on here and there but what would you the people suggest saying to a woman you see for an opener (not necessarily hitting on her just making conversation ... lasting conversation) ie: Hey whatsup hows .... ? I don't know like a potential series of questions. I know there is no text book way necessarily to make good conversation but there's gotta be some guidelines that could work. Obviously a lot of it has to do with reacting to the person but what would you suggest for bogus conversations at social events.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): so you just want to know how to be good at small talk, huh? i'm like you, i'm not a big small talker but i love to have deep long convos with people. i'm a female so here's what you can do:if you ask questions, people love to talk about themselves. so if you are not much for small talking, ask a gal a question about themselves and listen, maybe add something you have in common with them. ask them how they are, what they've been up to, maybe give them a compliment about how she looks/what she's wearing, what do they do for a living, just ask about them but don't over do it. if you don't share anything about yourself, a woman might think you're like a wall and have no personality. come prepared with questions in your head to ask. it's hard to explain, but it just takes practice and it comes naturally to many people. but us sensitive types don't like the superficial chit chat. i do it, and i admit i do it well, but i find it can be tedious and boring, but it's a necessary evil..
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (20 April 2009):
 I will tell you that the most important thing is to be a good listener. Ask her questions about herself, look her in the eyes and really listen and understand what she's saying. This may be a natural gift, or you may have to work on it. Either way, it's worth more than all the gold in the world.
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