A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 24 years old. I posted a question on here a while back, about my guy best friend ditching me because of his jealous girlfiend. I have a similar situation now and I need advice on what to do!He got back in touch with me about 4 weeks ago, he said he was really sorry for breaking contact with me, as he felt his hands were tied. He said the reason he stopped talking to me was all down to his girlfriend and he foolishly went along with it. He said he was really sorry for what he did and he was back in my life for good, and promised me he wouldn't do it again. We met up in a cafe for a brew and all he could talk about was how unhappy he was with his girlfriend. See she is his ex and they broke up last time because she cheated on him. Anyway he went on to tell me how he thinks she's cheating on him again and how controlling she is, but he loves her. Bearing in mind he's only 20 years old.I'm engaged to my partner of 7 years and I love him. This guy is not only my best friend he's like my little brother. Anyway for the past four weeks we've been in touch but she hasn't known about it. He said he simply had to talk to me, and the only way he could see it happening was with her not knowing about it. I wasn't happy with the situation, but I agreed because I didn't want to turn my back on him. Anyway everything was fine, until the other night, when out of the blue I got a phone call from him. He said he no longer thinks it's a good idea that we see eachother, text, or speak. He said his girlfriend had found out and it was not fair on him or his girlfriend. He said I needed to respect that, and then he just hung up.The thing that has annoyed me most is he wanted it this way in the first place and he promised me it would never happen again and said he was sorry etc, yet he's done it again! I'm so mad and angry at him and I've been really upset. The way he spoke to me on the phone suggested she was in the room with him but I can't be sure about that. I've texted him, telling him how he's hurt me and what I think and also told him never to contact me again.Does anyone think this is harsh? What are people's opinions on this whole situation?? What should I do?
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (13 November 2012):
 ****Does anyone think I was harsh telling him not to contact me ever again?****
No, not at all. You can't be friends with a person who acts like a yo-yo like that. He MADE a choice to be with a girls who doesn't "allows" him to have female friends. So he will try and USE you (as a friend) when it's convenient for him. That is not a friendship.
Telling him to take a hike was the right thing. Maybe in the future he will learn how to deal with friendships versus girls.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2012): Thank you all for your replies, I appreciate your advice. I know he cannot really be a true friend to have treated me this way but I can't stop caring. Does anyone think I was harsh telling him not to contact me ever again?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2012): Sure she was in the room and gave him the your never gonna get in my pants if you don't do this speech. Until your friend grows a set and breaks up with her your down a friend. His idea to sneak behind her back is very telling. He's weak and doesn't really value your friendship. You sent the message now follow through on it and let him learn from his mistakes. You don't need to be his backup friend. Forget him and focus on your own man.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2012): I think he should have been honest to his gf. Also there could be trust issues you dont know about. My bf no longer has any single female friends because they (only 2 )of them got too flirty so he stopped talkin to them on his own. So maybe their is reason for it and if not HE needs to learn how to set boundries in his relationships. All in all he is not a true friend. I cant see his gf being that upset without reason, unless something, be it trust issues or maybe somethings not right w her, but i think theres more to it than u know.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (12 November 2012):
Honestly, seems like isn't isn't really wanting a two-sided friendship - he just want YOU to be there when HE needs you.
I mean honestly what do you get out of this "friendship"?
He doesn't have the NADS to tell his GF that he likes having you as his friend, so he kinda made it sound like YOU were chasing HIM to be friends.
He made his bed - that of a cheating controlling GF - I'd let him sleep in it and stop wasting my time on him.
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A
male
reader, NuVu +, writes (12 November 2012):
This is complex. I can certainly understand your hurt and anger... it's ok to feel that way when getting blown off by someone you care about.
However, i think if this is really a platonic relationship and you care about him as a friend. You can appreciate that he is in a difficult position with his girlfriend because she's feeling insecure. And of course why wouldn't she feel insecure if he is sneaking around with you and not telling her. So you might want to cut him some slack, because he probably loves his friendship with you... but also loves his girlfriend too and wants to make her feel secure. If you care about him as a friend, i'm sure you want him to be happy.
When they break up he'll and you reconnect with him again... you might want to tell him him to be upfront about his friendship with you, so his next girlfriend can feel secure.
In the end friends will come and go and come back again many times in your life.... i don't worry about it. The friendships i truly cherish i'll cherish unconditionally, even if we don't talk for 5 years. Other relationships... the emotionally draining ones... i just let go.
If by chance you've had a sexual relationship in the past with your "best guy friend" or you or he might want one. You can disregard everything above and just cut off all contact in the future.
Good luck.
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