A
female
age
30-35,
Lean74
writes:My husband is currently deployed to Iraq. He recently came home for his two weeks R and R. When he was in Iraq, he talked pretty affectionately to me when we got to talk. But, while he was home he was not his usual affectionate self. He was very affectionate towards his daughters. I am not jealous of his girls at all, I'm not saying that. I just don't know why he was so distant with me. I asked him about it and he said that he didn't think he was being any less affectionate. He did start being a little more affectionate after our talk, but then I felt like he was just trying to appease me. My feelings are really hurt.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2008): From a female perspective it might be easier for him in his role of Dad to go along with it during R&R - put on a brave face for the kids. However with you I wonder if he cannot let his barrier down because he needs to stay tough - to be strong - to go back and face it again. You will be the one person with whom he can be weak, emotional, vulnerable - but right now he can't let those feelings in. I hope this helps - and also that he stays safe.
A
male
reader, Dr Vendetta  +, writes (10 January 2008):
 i know alot of US millitary men.
one thing you need to keep in mind.. thats not an easy place to be.
2 weeks R&R and then back in the fight.
my buddy was sent to the front lines in afganistan. he saw stuff that no man should ever see and he's only young, 19 and it changed him alot and it really shook him up.
i understand he's your hubby and you love him... but they pump these guys up to prepare for war.. not affection.. 2 weeks R&R.. sure its nice but they're still in that hardcore mode. don't take it personally. just try to understand that they make these guys believe they're invincible and always ready for attack.
yeah he probably is being a bit distant.. try imagening what he has to go through. with the trinaiing, with waking up in the middle east, wondering whever you'll be up right or in a body bag when you go home.
i don't mean to be harsh but its the reality of it.. after 2 weeks he's gotta go back ( at least i assume he is) and if he isn't.. give him some time to re-adjust.
my buddy watched him friend get blown up by a mortar right infront of him. you think he's gonna beable to shrug it off and be his old self?... in time but.. you gotta give him a little space, just don't take it personally
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A
female
reader, baby duck + ♥, writes (10 January 2008):
 His body was with you, but after where he's been ... all of us *insides* cannot afford to be with you. It makes going back that much more difficult. My husband and I were stationed apart for nearly two years, and it was not during wartime, so certainly not as hard. We saw each other a few times a year. The first few times we parted, I was a carwreck. I got tougher ... but we all have to develop our own styles of doing that.
Also, we're all changing, all the time. It's not so noticeable when we live together. When he gets back, there will be the usual adjustments that you're probably familiar with, as the wife of one in the military ... but even more so, coming from a hostile environment.
There is no easy answer. I know it sounds cliche, but it's really true. It's going to require communication and patience. I wish you both the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2008): It can be awkward after being away for a long time especially in that kind of situation.
My friend's bf just got back from iraq and she says that he was totally different, some of the stuff they have to deal with out there and the stuff they have to see on a daily basis can really affect you.
I know it may seem upsetting but don't take it personally if you can, once he's adjusted back to normal life stuff should go bak to normal.
good luck xxx
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