A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Having lived here in London for my whole life, I went through the usual British routine of going to the pub and getting wasted every weekend right through my teens and twenties, but since I turned 30 I've found no enjoyment in getting drunk anymore and never really drink alcohol anymore, other than very rare occasions when the mood takes me.However, whenever I go on a date these days and order an orange juice or whatever, my date always asks me why I'm not drinking alcohol (as if it's against the law to stay sober in England) and when I tell them I don't really drink anymore and don't enjoy getting drunk, they look at me as if I've just turned up on our first date and asked them if they're into threesomes and S and M What's the big deal ladies? Is it really a deal breaker for you when a guy doesn't drink or do you see it as a red-flag that a man living in such a booze-culture is tee-total and assume he must be a recovering alcoholic or a devout religious nut? Even when I continued dating my last date for over a year, she still would be on my case all the time about "Why don't you drink?"Is it like this in America too?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2015): I hear ya. I'm a 31 yr old Irish girl who drinks occasionally... like once every three months. I hate getting totally wasted and usually sneak off after a few hours. I feel quite disconnected from my friends who still act like early twenty something year olds. I couldn't hack being in a relationship with a big drinker at all. I met my practically teetotal boyfriend in a gym. Maybe try there? But don't lose hope we don't ALL drink to excess every weekend
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2015): Where are you and for when do we set the date?:PI'm a woman, but I got PLENTY of funny looks when I did not drink at a friends' gathering. (though, unlike you I still like alcohol. I just don't see the point in getting black-out drunk like it's some super achievement)You have a couple of options:1) order tonic and if anyone asks-it's gin and tonic (how would they know? Unless they taste your drink)2) with orange juice, you can tell them is orange juice+vodka/ coke+ rum, you get the drift. Tonic is the easiest to hide behind though3)Meet people who have similar CORE values as yourself. Why would you stay with someone for a YEAR if they were giving you grief for NOT drinking??Hey, I complained non-stop about my bf's drinking coffee!! (It really was too much- several cups per day and I think it affected his well-being,i.e. he was so caffeinated he would not function normally in the morning without his "fix" and in the evening he would not sleep well because of it.)I never actually expected him to change as it's not the worst weakness to have out there, but he did.Point is-I was thinking about his well-being and what is good for him, that's why I was "nagging" (according to him. Me? I never nag.)But how is a person pushing you to drink thinking about YOUR well-being???Find more considerate GFs, ones that actually care about you. If you really want to go to dates with people who are not into drinking, I suggest going to "soft drink" events?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2015): People socialize over food and drink EVERYWHERE. Most people drink and most people eat all kinds of foods. The moment you don't drink or go gluten/meat/dairy...-free, there's a problem.I've never drunk, so people who know me for a long time don't find it strange, but new people I meet are curious at best (especially since I moved to France - not drinking wine is almost a blasphemy!). Some even insist I should taste this champagne or that beer… I sometimes joke that I’m a recovering alcoholic :) It’s even worse with food. I have two autoimmune diseases. Since there’s no treatment I control them with a right diet. Some people have a big problem with that until I explain that I’m not trying to lose weight, but that I’m ill. They seem to “forgive me” then. Now, don’t ask me why they think it’s OK to be forced to avoid certain (delicious) foods and suffer for it and that it’s somehow wrong to do it by your own choice and actually like it and feel great.A part from minority who is just curious, most people could feel bad about themselves when they meet someone who manages to show a certain level of discipline which they think they lack. I’m not saying that they are jealous. They could just be a little bit envious.I would be wary of someone who’s more interested in why you don’t drink instead in who you are. If she’s not smitten by you in the beginning, what do you think it’ll happen by the time you’re actually together?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 May 2015):
 So all British people of certain age (from 18-29?) go to the pub and get wasted every weekend?
That's not what I saw when I lived there a while ago. I did see a few people get super drunk and get incoherent and wasted but I certainly did not see every person from 18-29 get drunk every weekend....
I think ordering orange juice is a rather awkward way of announcing in the UK that you are on the wagon, based on my limited experience.
If you spent your teens and twenties in pubs getting wasted then maybe you need to change your venue. I would guess that as your last two decades were spend with people who drink you haven't yet found the place to find dates who do not drink.
Go find a group that spends time outdoors or in an activity that drink isn't a factor.
To answer your question, no, it's not typical culture in the US to be a super booze hound unless you specifically go look for it. And my experience in the UK suggests the same.
You find what you are looking for... maybe you need to reassess you dating pool?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 May 2015):
 I's not just UK that has a "drinking-culture" - The Irish, Danish, Swedes, Italians, Germans, Dutch, French, Finnish, Russians, Polish.... YOU name ANY European country and there is a "drinking culture". There isn't a HOLIDAY that doesn't involve sharing food and drink with family and friends.
Usually starts around age 16 and most people "outgrow" it by mid/late 20's. Some, however never do.
Americans don't quite have the same kind of culture, though I have seen many people pass out, getting their stomach pumped on their 21's birthday here in the US. Maybe because here in the US there was an overdoing of the "drinking culture" which lead to prohibition and outlawing of alcohol. In the US there is still the notion that a man (or woman) who doesn't drink is somehow abstaining for moral or religious reason.
The Pub (or any other European watering hole equivalent) have always been a place for people to socialize or to keep to themselves (I know it may seem odd to GO to a pub if you rather BE by yourself, let's face it, it's easier to be "alone" with people around you, it makes it less... lonely.
Years and years ago, a town or city was planned around the church and the inn. (we are talking centuries here). It is an INTEGRATED part of European society, so is alcohol.
Does it mean you can't go out and not drink? Not at all. I used to go out with friend and be the designated driver, or the "token" non-drinker. Never bothered my friends, never bothered me.
They look at you funny because it's NOT the norm to NOT drink. (at least for a guy, for whatever reason us women can do as we please). I think for many drinking equals being a "grown up". It's a thing people do.
Just stick to not drinking, there is nothing WRONG in not enjoying it, as long as you don't try and preach to everyone else to stop.
As for you last GF... It seems weird to me that she actually seemed to have a problem with you not drinking. I find that odd. (way more odd than a person not drinking). Now if she questioned it because you didn't want to go hang out at the Pub, it would make more sense (you can still go to the pub and buy a soda) - but it's definitely not a red flag to not drink.
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