A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I am 26M and my 30F girlfriend strongly prefers me to have a completely smooth upper body. I find that I kind of like it and it makes me feel like a fitness model wannabe. I definitely like my girlfriend’s reaction. It is a win - win.To keep me smooth my girlfriend sets me an appointment every 3-4 weeks at a local spa for wax treatments. She even pays for it. She has them cut my hair too so she can tell them how to style it. She is like turning me into a total metrosexual. It is harmless, kind of sexy, and it is fun letting her have her way. She goes to the same spa to wax, do massages, nail stuff, and beauty stuff. She usually plans our appointments at the same time so we go together. The wax treatments are not my favorite thing to do, but maintaining is a lot easier than the first time. Either way, I am used to it now and the people there are very professional and do a good job. However, the last 4 times it has been the same female spa technician. She is very skilled at her job, but she makes frequent comments about my body (all positive). Being a cocky goofball who is a little obsessed with himself anyway, I sort of like the compliments even if she is just boosting me for a tip. Each time though she tries to convince me to schedule something “nice for yourself.” She specifically says, “I really want to massage you.” It definitely comes across suggestively. Obviously, she is flirting with me. Is she just trying to up-sell me legit services using my ego? Or, is she trying to make something else happen? Being a great boyfriend, I totally mentioned this to my girlfriend. She thought it was hilarious because she sort of knows who I am talking about and, in her opinion, the girl likes me but is also trying to book more appointments. She guessed she probably flirts with most male customers. She actually seemed to enjoy hearing about how this girl tried to “seduce” me and she has repeated this story to anyone who will listen. She has definitely enhanced the story as well. My girlfriend said she did not care if this girl waxed me in the future because she does a good job, but she told me very plainly there was no way in hell I was allowed to get a massage from her. I obviously agreed. I don’t get massages anyway. Also, my girlfriend insisted I wear workout shorts during the waxing instead of doing the naked under the towel thing. That is fine, of course, and what I do anyway.So, what do you think? Should my girlfriend request a different person next time when she makes the appointment? Does my girlfriend mean it when she says she does not care this girl flirts or is she just expressing confidence in my loyalty? Why was she so amused and talking about it with others? Is gossiping about this possibly damaging the reputation of someone without knowing for sure about her motives? If I get the same technician, should I just ignore the flirting politely like I have up until now? Should I call her out and ask her to stop flirting and point out I have a girlfriend? Should I just mention having a girlfriend randomly? Or, possibly, am I on a ridiculous ego trip reading way too much into the whole situation? Thank you for any comments or insight - Peter.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2022): More from Peter…
This post is in response to the comments from the anonymous female who asked me the questions from “left field.” It amazes me how this thread has moved on from my ego trip at the spa to an analysis of me and my relationship with my girlfriend. I admit I was definitely defensive and shared a lot because I felt maybe people had the wrong impression. I totally “laid it on thick” like you said. I guess I just did not want people to think I am mindless zombie boy toy or that she is anything other than wonderful.
It was not bad for me to get all this feedback though. I deserved the shots about my ego. Some of them still make me laugh – cowboy, mimbo, Narcissus, trophy boyfriend. I am entirely too vain now. I do not feel I am completely superficial but I confess I do focus on appearance a lot more than I ever did before. The trade-off is a confidence I never had about myself as a man, boyfriend, or lover. I think just being confident generally has helped me at work as well. My girlfriend deserves most of the credit for that.
I have really thought a lot about your questions. After all, no relationship is perfect. I also think it is foolish to ask people for advice and then not seriously listen to what they have to say.
For what it is worth, I have had my rebellions on certain things. I refused to go along with a change in my hair color (from brown to blonde). I refused to wear a speedo bikini swimsuit she bought me for a trip with friends. I put it on in private for her, but I will not wear it in public. I tried an aerobics class with her but refused to go back after the first time because I felt awkward and incompetent because I could not figure out all the moves and keep up and people were laughing at me. I refused to sign up for tae kwon do just because she said I would look cute in the outfits.
She also agreed to stop tickling me in public because I have a ridiculous over the top reaction that makes me look foolish and not very manly. We had a genuine fight over it but she accepted it embarrassed me and makes me angry and she does not do it in public anymore.
I admit I miss some things from before I let her take charge. I miss banana cream pie, Dr. Pepper, and McDonald’s french fries. I miss sleeping in on weekends. I miss computer gaming. I think we could do less clothes shopping on the weekends. She is not as bad as she used to be now that she has a budget, but I think a lot of boyfriends have to do mall duty and I am no different.
I did not have an active social life before we started dating and did not even hang out much with anyone. It was kind of lonely. It was all work and no play. It has taken some adjustments getting used to having so many people around, including at her place (which ends up being unofficially our place most of the time). Some of her friends are gradually becoming my friends, but I am not used to having so many people around me all the time. It is outside my comfort zone, but I think healthy for me to engage more outside of work settings.
If I could change one thing about our relationship it is her use of sex as a bribe. I don’t mind receiving sexual attention as a reward after the fact if she is happy with something I did. Pre-conditioning sex on some task or favor is weirdly transactional in my opinion. She doesn’t have to promise me sex to get me to do things. I would probably do anything she asks. She said she does not know why she does that but for some reason she enjoys tempting me. I think she is self-conscious about her own sex drive being high and she needs excuses for us to have sex this often. Or, maybe it is a way to highlight her power over our sex life. She says I should not analyze it so much and just enjoy the sex. I can live with that.
The truth is I love our sex life. I feel like I can barely keep up sometimes, which is exciting. I love how aggressive she is at flirting, how she totally knows how to turn me on and keep me on the edge, and how direct she is about telling me what she wants to do and when. There is no guess work on my part about when or if she is in the mood. No guess work for her either since I am always eager and ready to go. She will even wake me up to have sex if she is in the mood. It was confusing the first time, but I cannot begin to describe how hot that is. We call it “emergency sex.” I love how we cuddle afterward and she gets all chatty. She has coached me into being a better lover and did it in a way that was motivational and fun. She is generous with positive feedback and asking me what I like best. I mentioned once I liked her saying my name during and she does it all the time now (which I love).
I don’t think everyone would like her style and personality, but I love her just the way she is. I am very motivated to earn my place as her boyfriend and meet her expectations. I know she manipulates the hell out of me with my ego and libido, but a lot of the changes she has made in my life and appearance have been to my benefit. She jokes she has created a monster as far as me checking myself out in the mirror. She likes it when I act cocky though, and I live for her positive feedback. I think that is part of what makes us a good match. We are symbiotic.
I do wonder what would happen and if she would still care for me if something happened where I don’t meet expectations on appearance. If for some reason I gained weight and went north of 10 percent body fat, or went bald, or had a sexual performance issue, or got injured in a way that scars my face—would she dump me? That is my biggest insecurity about our relationship.
Obviously, time will answer all questions. Hopefully we will grow even stronger in our feelings and we continue to make each other feel incredible. As for now, I feel I am pretty damn lucky.
Sure I liked it when I thought the spa girl flirted with me, but the first person I ran and told was my girlfriend and we had a good laugh at it.
You asked if I am “really happy.” The answer is yes. Things are not perfect. We have had some conflicts. I am having to make some adjustments that are challenging. But after I add up the balance sheet, I totally love the direction of my life with her right now. I am happy.
Thank you for making me think about it and appreciate it.
Thank You, Peter
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2022): This may be out there in left field Peter, but could you be wanting to rebel a little against the control your girlfriend has over you? Are you maybe tired of being eager to please her and being who she wants you to be, while silencing your inner voice which is trying to talk to you, telling you that you need a little more freedom? That you have your own dreams, wants? That you want to be your OWN person? That maybe the interest of another is a way of asserting that freedom? That independence? I think that we can pretend to be happy but are we REALLY happy? Ask yourself that. You seem like a people pleaser and a giver. There comes a time when you become resentful of all that, trying to keep up the charade, and it all starts to crash down.
Ask yourself Peter, are you really HAPPY? I get the sense you are laying it all on thick here. Like you are supposed to be happy, but something is off with you. What is missing here? Being honest with yourself is the hardest thing to do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2022): I wrote the anonymous post Peter. Sometimes the truth is harsh. And there is no other way to get a point across. Not meant to offend, just educate. Leave your ego at the door in all that you do in life, and you will be just fine. :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2022): More From Peter:
Thank you to Honey Pie, YouCannotBeSerious, and WiseOwl for your funny and friendly advice. I feel like I benefited from your independent perspective. The consensus seems to be that I have over-reacted or over-interpreted something and my ego was a big factor in that. Even in my original post I wondered if that was a possibility. You have ALL confirmed it.
For what it is worth, my GF agrees with all of you about the exchange with the spa girl. She also is referring to me now as her "trophy boy" in a playful way to tease me and she occasionally tells me not to be a "mimbo" now -- so you have all added to our banter in a fun way.
I am having a more difficult time appreciating the comments in the anonymous post. That is not because it is anonymous, because I posted anonymous myself. It is hard to appreciate wisdom when you are being called immature, gullible, naive, and insecure and in a not so friendly way. I tried to appreciate what you were saying but I felt mostly judged.
I know another post called me out for being like Narcissus from Greek mythology and WiseOwl jokinly called me a cowboy and possible mimbo, but those comments were done in a kind and humorous way that made me appreciate the bigger truth of what they both said. I actually enjoyed reading those posts.
Maybe I should be judged and I needed to read what you said. The anonymous post just seemed harsh. I do appreciate that you gave me your honest reaction and shared an important story from your own experience hoping I might learn from it. I agree out of control ego can be dangerous. So, I will just be polite and say, thank you.
I don't know if it matters, but I feel like I want to share more with everyone. I am not sure why I care, but I feel like I want you to know my relationship with my girlfriend is more meaningful than me being just a trophy boy (even though that whole makeover of Peter thing is totally a part of our dynamic). Even before I posted, we would refer to me as her "project" sometimes.
I could share so many things that would totally confirm your instincts. She agreed with YouCannotBeSerious that it was a fun ego trip for her to gossip with her friends about me being targeted for any kind of flirting and she has told me before she is turned on by my being younger. She agreed that she loves to show me off in public ways (including making me go with her to yoga class), but I say that is a two-way street. I am like totally stoked to be seen with her in public and my guy friends cannot believe how lucky I am to be with her. I did not even date much before we met.
Just because it made you laugh, I will confirm she does pick out everything I wear down to my underwear and sleep shorts. She has me do little fashion shows for in the store trying on things for me to buy.
She also had me join her gym and hire her personal fitness trainer for myself as well. They conspire on my workouts and fitness goals. She decides what we eat and has me on a very healthy high protein diet with all kinds of natural herbal supplements. She sets the appointments for my haircuts, waxing, and tanning. She makes me do yoga and tantra classes -- both of which I ended up liking. When I leave for work in the morning, we do this "inspection" thing where she has to make sure I am ready to "represent" as she says. Of course, she decides when and how often we have sex (which thankfully is often). I am sure this totally fits the mold of what you were saying.
On one level, I feel like even with so-called alpha males the girlfriend or wife is in charge more often than not. Every girlfriend I have had has been that way to some degree. Maybe I gravitate toward confident women who like to be in charge. She says that it is definitely a part of my personality -- being agreeable and eager to please. I think she just takes the control thing to a higher level than most girlfriends. She certainly knows how to push my buttons and get her way.
I am very in touch with the fact I am constantly trying to meet her high expectations and I get a lot of affirmation from making her happy with me. While she does know how to manipulate me with ego and libido, most of the time it is obvious what she is doing and I enjoy letting her steer me into whatever she wants. At least I don't have to guess what to do to make her happy. I just have a lot of joy being with her and she rewards me generously for being an "obedient" boyfriend.
I think the boy toy stereotype though does not paint the whole picture. I totally defer to her when it comes to certain things like nutrition, fitness, fashion, style, and self improvement because she is so knowledgeable in those areas and has much better taste. This is her area of expertise. It is part of her professional world and I am benefitting from her good influence.
As she put it, before we met I was only a "nerd with potential." I was not as self-confident. I was careless with my appearance and how I dressed. I was skinny but not truly fit. She took over, kicked my ass, and now I am the complete egomaniac pretty boy you all have come to know. LOL
Before you write me off as one-dimensional or our relationship as one-sided, my girlfriend also appreciates my sphere of knowledge and skill. My job and skill set is in accounting, budgeting, taxes, investments, and general finance. I make a lot of money for a lot of people and I am advancing professionally way ahead of the pace for someone my age. My bosses and their clients like and trust me. I have earned respect at my firm through hard work and achievement. She appreciates that side of me and has encouraged me all the way.
In the area of spending and investment, my girlfriend defers to me. She let me help her buy her car and her house (to make sure she got a good deal in all respects). She allowed me to set up her investments from an inheritance from her grandparents to minimize her tax liability and so she can be independent from her parents and their money without continuing to diminish the principal of her holdings. She even referred her dad to me and I was able to help him save a decent amount on the taxes for his small business.
My point is we are good for each other. We appreciate each other's areas of strength. We complement each other. If she were to tell someone how I sort of took over her budget and investments and that was out of context, they might say I was the controlling one and raise alarm bells.
When I think of trophy girlfriends or boyfriends I imagine gold diggers who are after money. That is the part of the trophy boyfriend comparison I did not like. She likes to pay for my spa treatments, but I pay for our dates and trips. The only exception was something she did for my birthday which was really nice. When she "buys" my clothes, I still pay for them she just tells me what to try on and uses my Amex. I have my own income and my own place (although hers is admittedly nicer and we spend virtually every night there).
If anything, I helped her fix a part of her life and she helped me in the areas I desperately needed help. If we broke up tomorrow, we would both be better for having known each other. She spends her money more wisely and has long term financial security, at least partly because of my help. I am a much more confident guy because of her -- not to mention an egotistical, well-dressed, extremely smooth-skinned, well-tanned, semi-muscular, metrosexual hunklet with a very nice haircut and manicured nails. I also admit I am a lot better at sex now because of her. LOL
This post was originally about what happened during a waxing appointment and it became about something else and I guess I just felt the need to defend my girlfriend, defend myself a little, and defend our relationship. In the process, I just realized I ended up doing more bragging to complete strangers, which is interesting. I hope my posts were amusing and interesting. I actually did appreciate the comments.
I think you are all very cool for being there for advice for people who need it.
Thank You, Peter
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2022): You are just an immature boy like the other boys your age. Youth is absolutely NAIVE and GULLIBLE. LOL
I am older than you and have lived life a little and have learned a lot of lessons life teaches that I never learned when I was young and INVINCIBLE and thought I was God's gift to MEN! Yup, I was HOT. Still am Peter! LOL But I have learned that life is about so much more than people who find me attractive and my EGO. Sure, people look, they appreciate. But that is where it ends. It is fleeting and shallow and meaningless at the end of the day. These people are just passing ships in the night and mean nothing in your life. That is the way it is. It is the meaning you attach to things that gets you into trouble. My confidence comes from WITHIN. And it does not matter what others do or say, they should not affect that confidence. Ego is dangerous my dear. It gets us into all sorts of trouble. And in the end, you are left with regret because you were so stupid, gullible and made mistakes. That is how we learn. But wouldn't it be nice to not even go through such stupid mistakes if you can actually avoid them beforehand because you are smart?
My trainer was a hot guy. I was married at the time. I thought he was in love with me. LOL He talked to me about my personal life. He complimented my looks. He was all over me. I thought he was interested and wanted to be in a relationship with me! STUPID ME! I found out he had a fiance whom he never mentioned to me. He was just trying to keep me sweet so that he could keep taking my money. His goal at the time was to open his own studio. He was working for someone else then. I would just be financing his future dreams. He wanted to build his own clientele once he left this gym. So there you go. That was his intention. This woman is doing the same thing. Sure, it would feel good knowing women dig you. But you must be a very INSECURE guy to even NEED that validation. If you were all that, and KNEW IT, and OWNED IT, Peter, you would not even notice or care about this spa person's behavior. I can tell you one thing. She is doing it to all the other men AND women. There is no way she would risk her job or professional reputation to go fucking around with you or anyone else. Get your head out of the clouds and put your penis back into your pants. It sounds to me like you have an amazing girlfriend. Why don't you focus on her?
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (30 April 2022):
 Ha ha, this made me laugh so much. Not even sure if it is a wind-up or not, but I'll go along with it.
Peter, you are so totally a "trophy boyfriend". Younger than your girlfriend, allow your girlfriend to dictate exactly what treatments you have and what you look like, even down to how you have your hair styled. I bet she takes you clothes shopping as well and tells you what you can and cannot wear. Am I right?
She laughs about the lady who flirts with you while doing your treatments because (a) she is confident in what an obedient and loyal boyfriend you are and (b) it is an ego boost for her to demonstrate to her friends that other women flirt with her creation.
The minute you disagree with anything she wants, your relationship will be on the skids. Enjoy while you can.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (30 April 2022):
 LMAO Peter!
She is 100% trying to upsell you! But if you are a good looking guy who takes REAL good care of your body, I can't fault her for trying. I mean if she could PICK which client to see why wouldn't she pick a young hunk instead of leering Beerbelly Bob?
But with that said, you need to stop looking at your own reflection for a minute here, Narcissus. You have a GF. And one that seems to trust you. So don't ruin a good thing.
Be a decent person, and a decent BF. It's not hard. Looks REALLy aren't everything. Seriously.
"Or, possibly, am I on a ridiculous ego trip reading way too much into the whole situation?"
Well, yeah. That is youth for you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2022): You are very direct and funny. Never been called a cowboy or a mimbo. I totally LOL for real. I love that mimbo word now. My girlfriend has me wrapped around her finger so I do appreciate her and care mostly about what she thinks. It is not like I would ever do anything. I do think I can be pretty narcissitic like you said. I guess I did not think it was that obvious. I think that is one reason my girlfriend and I are compatible. We are both that way sometimes but we can admit it and poke fun at each other over it. I totally accept I may be reading something into nothing because of my ego. Thank you for your point of view. You are the only person to write back so far.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2022): Reel it in cowboy! You have a girlfriend, and you need to disconnect the air-pump from your ego.
"Or, possibly, am I on a ridiculous ego trip reading way too much into the whole situation?"
Yes! Absolutely!
The tech is an industry that relies heavily on tips, and they have to increase and maintain their customer-base. If she offers other services, she will also pitch those; so she can grow her clientele. If she picks-up on your vanity and conceit, she will play you; because that's the game. Nothing gets a guy going like receiving compliments and flirtations from a very attractive woman. Think with the head on your shoulders, my friend, not the other one!
My friend, don't let your narcissism get the better of you. Your girlfriend likes how you look, and your smoothness. Let her be your greatest fan. She's the one who has given you her heart. All the other female wants is what's in your wallet, and getting some attention doesn't hurt either. Don't be a mimbo!
That's a male-bimbo! Stole it from some lady-friends of mine!
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