A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Alright so this girl and i have been going out for a few weeks (ive actually known her since we were like 8 or 9) --but we just starting going out. Ive always liked her and i like being around her... But today i went to her house and we hung out and i kissed her for the first time (her first kiss, not mine though)..The question i have is-- I'm not really feeling any kind of NEED to go hang out with her alone though, i just seem really shy, sometimes i even feel like im gay or something because of how i try to avoid just us hanging out alone together.. I mean we have gone to the movies and dinner and other things plenty of times, but when it comes down to going over each other's house (no parents) i just get nervous and i dont really feel the attraction to want to 'make out' or start getting 'intimate' haha... what the heck is wrong with me, i look back at when i kissed her and i realize that i dont think i really did it from my own mood. --like my friends keep tellin me that she likes me and she is waiting for me to make a move, so i guess i just kissed her to try and get it over with, not really LOVE.mayb its the fact that ive known her since we were kids, and i just cant get over that like dating a sister or something-- it just doesnt seem right
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female
reader, x..HelpfulWun..x  +, writes (19 January 2007):
 Seeing as u have known her for ages, i understand why you dont get the same feelings. maybe it IZ because you known her for years. prehaps you should just tell. if youve known her for ages she should be able to understand and move on back to becoming friends. prehaps you think you like her but your sceretly like someone else and you just dont know who it is.
once you told her you might feel much better and be able to kiss her or.... -
but like i say if you do tell her, give her a night to sleep on it. and she wil alright again as friends. Good Luck
A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (19 January 2007):
 The first thing that occurred to me here is something everyone else has said. You've known each other so long asexually that she has become like a sister and you can't imagine doing anything with her. This might pass in time. In the meantime tell her that she's special and for that reason you want to keep things going slow. If you don't start getting attracted to her after a month or so maybe you should think again. After all, we can't force ourselves to be attracted to someone we're not.
CD
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A
female
reader, melschatbox +, writes (19 January 2007):
 You answered this question yourself.
mayb its the fact that ive known her since we were kids, and i just cant get over that like dating a sister or something-- it just doesnt seem right
That's what I'm thinking, too. Let me tell you a story you may be able to relate to: I grew up in a neighborhood w/lots of kids my own age. Starting at about the same age as you I had a close friend of mine that we would do just about everything together. She'd come swimming at my house, we'd ride bikes, play baseball, etc. So when I started going to her house (right across the street) her twin brother always wanted to do things with us to. And, yes he liked me! I was very young at the time and didn't feel the same. But, sure I'd spend the night and we'd all play games etc. That was when we were about 9 years old. So, when I grew up ...and we were 15...(he still said he liked me) so I figured ..okay, maybe I better give it a try. We walked the neighborhood holding hands..(sweaty icky palms was all I was thinking) then he came back to my house and gave me a whopping kiss (um, really gross ...as I was into the germ thing..lol) Long story short...I FELT NOTHING. IT ALMOST FELT WRONG. I think they're are just some relationships that can't be developed into anything more than just friends. BTW, that was my first real kiss also. But, I wasn't looking forward to the next..and it never happened again. We're both married to other people today and we laugh about that moment in our lives if we run into each other. My advice: Don't try to force yourself into feeling something that's just not there. Best Wishes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2007): hey, i have to agree with the girl above, if there isnt the chemistry there, then it just isnt there. Two summers ago, (I was 17) I decided to date my best friend. He was fairly shy, but we had been bst friends since 3rd grad and I loved him totally as a friend and nothing more, but everyone was pushing me to go out with him, because we always hung out together and he really liked me.
There was no chemistry, and it was both boring and weird because, as you say, it almost feels incestuous!! we grew up together!!! Anyways, we eneded up having sex, both our first times, and it was bad, because theres no emotion to carry you through the physical-ness. And now its too weird, and ive lost my best friend
Basically, I would say, save the friendship, and tell her you love her as a friend but not as a girlfriend.
Its not worth loosing a good friend for a bad relationship and thats what itll be, trust me!!
And when you meet someone who takes your breath away itll all be clear and you will want to be with them more than anything else in the world, i promise, just b patient. And as for feeling gay, again, dont worry about it. It doesnt make you gay not to want to be sexual with every girl in the world, but if you are, then power to you!!!
hope my little ramble helps!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2007): maybe the chemistry just isnt there. It's not something you cam create..its there or its not
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