A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Can anyone help me out here?I accidentally click on the history on my husband's mobile and realise my husband have been watching porno films in it. In fact, quite oftenly. We have sex like every week once or twice, but I just feel very bothered that he's actually watching porno. I felt hurt and kept thinking was it my fault for not having big boobs. I kept doubting myself. Should I actually confront him about why he's watching porno so secretly and always make it a point to clear the history every few days?Please help. I feel like I'm breaking down.. I felt so ugly.
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male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (8 July 2012):
If he has time away from you then what he is doing is what a lot or guys do, I think. I certainly do it. OP, Please don't think its anything negative to do with you. Quite on the contrary, hes turned on, misses you, and makes do with second best. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and feel my wifes body and get so turned on by her that I will never sleep until "relieved" of the throbbing erection, and she is so happily asleep that I use the backup plan.As long as:1. He isn't looking at illegal or perverted imagesAnd2. You both enjoy a happy sex life togetherThen you really shouldn't feel bad.Personally I really don't like porn where its clear its so clearly just acting or even worse if the woman looks abused or in pain. But just occasionally you find people, sometimes clearly amateurs, who probably are having a good time, this is ok and I even show to my wife who usually gets really turned on. Maybe you should try it as a couple too? Also when masturbating, and also during sex, you shouldn't thinking are fantasizing about the womans breasts or other specific parts! I think we are much more enjoying how big and hard our member feels and how good it feels. Do women always think about their partners when masturbating or having sex?ps. Please rest assured small breasts are beautiful!! :)
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 July 2012):
 NO OP do not ask him if there is anything wrong with you. There is NOTHING wrong with you and his use of porn again has NOTHING to do with how hot you are, how attractive you are or how much he wants you....
Read the books Person12345 suggested.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (7 July 2012):
 Male anon seems to be confusing masturbation with pornography, as though they are somehow synonymous. Masturbation is a normal healthy activity. Pornography is a corporate, highly addictive, product designed with nothing in mind but to make money.
Pornography is not necessary to masturbate and even though it speeds the process up, are a couple of minutes really worth it to thoroughly devastate your partner? Also even though it takes longer at first and or feels less satisfying, that goes away once porn has been out of the picture for couple of weeks. The OP never said anything about masturbation, just pornography.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2012): Everything is fine, you are attractive, and he's happy with you. Things you should know about guys:
1) If a guy doesn't masturbate and his drive is higher than the girl's, he may always get done prematurely. So, it is important for him to masturbate to last longer.
2) Porn is just a masturbation tool for men. There are no deep feelings involved, and the second he's done, no more horny thoughts.
3) Acts as a quick stress reliever without worrying about pleasing your partner.
Now, if you want to replace his masturbation. Tell him he gets oral whenever he wants without the need to reciprocate. You'll maintain the current sex schedule as usual, but you'll provide this additional service (assuming he's into receiving oral). I can't see him watching porn as often then. I bet it will still be there, but you'll probably cut it down by 90%. If you're not interested, let him masturbate.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (6 July 2012):
We both said this has nothing to do with you, your appearance, or your sex life. If the porn use is bothering you, you can talk to him about that, please read the links on my profile. That book is also helpful.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo should I actually ask him is there anything wrong with me that is not turning him on?
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (5 July 2012):
It has literally nothing to do with you, for most guys it's a habit totally separate from horniness or desire. For most users they can be totally and completely satisfied sex-wise, have the hottest girlfriend or wife in the world, and still feel compelled to use porn out of habit.
That's why it's not as simple as confronting him and saying it hurts and him being able to stop. There's also the fact that whenever someone is enjoying something and is confronted with the idea that they might be harming someone with it, there is a kneejerk reaction to be hostile in response to it.
I have many articles on this on my profile and I highly suggest you take a look. There are two standout resources on this:
http://www.yourbrainonporn.com
and a book called:
"The Porn Trap"
I hope some of those resources are helpful to you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 July 2012):
You are not ugly
your worth as a person is not based on if your husband looks at porn.
I know it's a big huge issue for many women but I'm not seeing a problem (at least for me)
but if it bothers you, maybe you need to ask your husband why he's looking at the porn and ask if there is anything you could do to help him look at it less.
I'm going to tell you that if you tell him NOT to do it, he will still DO it but he will try to hide it better.
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