A
female
age
41-50,
*uggins
writes:Why do some men change thier minds all time about what they want? My bf and I started living together again after splitting up for 9 mths. He hated living on his own and wanted to be family again with me and our 2 kids. He came back and had all these plans about buying my home together as he's just rented out his place. All of a sudden I feel things have changed, and he is making statements about "when he gets his flat back" or living together for convienince. I told him he was deliberately putting me down and to pack it in. He isn't overly affectionate and we aren't intimate very often. Is he playing stupid mind games or has he genuinely got something wrong with him. He was a mummy's boy when his mum was alive and lived with her till he was 41, now 43. She left him her home which he sold to buy a flat. His dad had affairs when he was a kid and left him at the age of 11. His sister who he was close too also died at 18. Is this just insucure and looking for reassurance from me or just not right And mixed up over what he wants out of life?
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (16 November 2012):
 Sounds like he came back to you because he needed a place to stay for a while.
Your relationship sounds like it comes and goes. You guys have broken up, made two children, and yet it sounds like you haven't made a permanent commitment to one another. I have a feeling the relationship works for him when he feels like it benefits him.
I think it is time for you to have a sit down, heart to heart talk and ask him what the future holds for you AND your two children. Tell him the worry and pain you feel when he mentions that he wants his own place again. If you feel compelled to, tell him that you want him long-term and that you want you, as a couple, to be there for one another no matter what. You have two children to consider as well and they deserve to know that their father is going to be in the picture (or not).
It also sounds like there is significantly more going on than what you've written here. Hopefully you'll take the time to sort things out and make decision whether you want to be in each other's life or allow the other person to move on so that they can find happiness with someone else.
Eddie
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (15 November 2012):
 Hi
It seems you dance to his tune,I know it's hard when you have 2 children together,want it to work,but you need to make the rules here.
If he wants to go back to his flat when its free,then ask him to go now, to somebody elses home.Why let him use you as a temporary arrangement.If he does have problems then he needs to get help but it sounds to me like he is just selfish.
I have to ask how you have children when he lived with his mum, did you just date before or live together ?
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