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Why is my 42 year old boyfriend obsessed with young girls?

Tagged as: Age differences, Big Questions, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 March 2010) 7 Answers - (Newest, 3 April 2010)
A female Canada age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My fiancé is 42 years old and I am a 24 year old girl. We've been together since I was 20. We get along great about 85% of the time and he treats me very well but it seems like he is obsessed with young girls and youth in general! Most of his/our friends are 18-20 girls. I have never caught him cheating, but sometimes he does make me feel like he's being innapropriate with the comments he makes towards them. He's even started doing things with the neighbors daughter, like take her to a soccer game...she's 16! He says I'm crazy for thinking that's inappropriate and he's just being nice but I can't help but wonder.

When I first met him, he made a comment to me about why he's not interested in "older" girls (25+!!!) because they've been around everywhere and have "been with too many guys by that time." !!

When I did meet him, he was all about being single, hanging out and hooking up with young girls, going to strip clubs etc. He has changed a lot since being with me but still wants to hang out with all these young girls, some who just barely turned 18!

He doesn't try to hang out with these girls without's not like he's hanging out with them behind my back... but I feel awkward being an almost 25 year old hanging out with 18 year old girls and my 42 year old bf! Why does he need to hang out with these little girls when he already has a great young girlfriend???

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2010):

Unfortunately, it's only a matter of time before you will be too old for him.

You are still young, go and find someone who will be there for you when you are old!

Perhaps your fiance will be there for you but there will a whole lot of heart ache along the way, and affairs.

It's one thing to be attracted to younger women, it's another to surround oneself with teenage girls at his age. He's an in-the-closet sexual predator and, even if he doesn't actively pursue sex with these women, if the opportunity presents itself, he will.

Also, you are very young compared to him; you are enabling his behavior. The only fortunate thing about this is he is honest about who he is, unlike other men who lie about it.

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A female reader, boo22 United Kingdom +, writes (20 March 2010):

boo22 agony auntHi, Just cos he does this in front of your face, doesn't make it any better in my view. It sounds to me you're beginning to feel he's sniffing round for a younger model which can't be nice for you.

I'm 43 and I do know guys like your bf. I think the reason they do it is they're emotionally stuck in their heads at round about your age. You said that when you met him he was doing strip clubs and bars when he was in his late thirties.

This to me at my age would have made him an absolute no no.

He doesn't sound like he could handle a relationship with a woman of his own age cos he's insecure.

As you get older and wiser, you may start to challenge him more on his lifestyle. Be prepared for him not to like it.

Keep your options open, don't hitch your wagon to him 100%.

Look round for someone else and whatever you do, don't get pregnant. Good luck x

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2010):

I think this is hilarious. Women love to hold their double standards about age differences.

Am I the only one who sees the irony in the age of the poster and what she is complaining about?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2010):

He's a big perv to me. You say he's changed since being with you...How? He still preys on girls who are way too young for him. I'd be concerned. The first time you leave town you can bet he'll be snaking around the neighbor's daughter or one of your younger friends. Can you say pedaphyle.??

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2010):

girl find new man a real man drop this pervert. for some one of quality you 25 years old and young the world is your oyster

trust me girls of 18 years old have abosulty no interest in guys old enough to be there father,he wasting his time and your time a guy like is vain and shallow.i know guy who i used like that age is 43 is like old of 60 years and his only interested is girls of 19 year old and he not nice person.

guys your age are right for you and get rid of that shallow .vain,horrible person you deerve better.

leave him and hes better off on his own till grows up.and sees you that you are young.

i hate guys like your boyfriend because they make us feel bad for our age when its them that are wrong in the 1st place

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2010):

Hey there,

I know how this feels. My bf is 15 years older than me (I too am 24) and I always got the feeling that he likes significantly younger girls. However, he does not hang out with young girls, in fact he doesn't hang out with anyone without me. All his friends are a little younger than him but not by much and they are guys. But all his gf's have been at least 10 years younger than him and I get the feeling that if we broke up he would date a 20 year old.

Its a bit of a yucky feeling to be honest!

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A female reader, Gasolina Canada +, writes (19 March 2010):

Gasolina agony auntBecause he is afraid to grow up. You need to grow up and find a new boyfriend that you can have a real future with. You deserve it.

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