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Why is he suddenly so interested in me?

Tagged as: Dating, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 May 2011) 4 Answers - (Newest, 28 May 2011)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I have liked a male friend of mine as more than a friend since the first time I met him. My boyfriend of the time was away with the military for a while last year, and in that time we got close, going out together and he even spent the night, but nothing happened. At a New Year party, I got very, very drunk and told him how I felt. I also said that I hated the way he didn't like me and he didn't want to sleep with me. He said that I had a boyfriend and that was why, but when I said to him "You're just saying that. You just don't like me like that and there isn't anything I could do to make you like me, is there?" and he said that no, there wasn't.

Afterwards, he didn't treat me differently, so I put it to the back of my mind and we just carried on as friends like before, although when my boyfriend came back, we didn't hang out as much.

Recently, we went out with a group of friends but went off by ourselves at the end of the night to an after party. He then brought up what I'd said all those months ago. I got upset because the only reason I could see for him to bring it up was to massage his ego, as I know that he is not interested in me in that way (not only from what he said at New Year, but I have seen him with girls that he IS attracted to and he behaves in a very different way to how he behaves with me).

I went off by myself to try and calm down, hoping we could just move on from the subject, but he kept on bringing it back up, because I was still a bit upset as I was really embarrassed by the situation. We tried to talk about it, but didn't really get anywhere, BUT he did say that he regretted not sleeping with me that time he spent the night and said "I like you more than you think I do". On the way home, he also tried to make dinner plans with me for the next day which we have never done just the two of us before, and asked when the we were going to watch a film we'd been talking about. I brushed him off as I don't get what he's doing.

I don't know what to think. After all this time of knowing each other, is he NOW interested? Nothing has changed, so I don't get why. Or did he just feel bad because he IS my friend and he'd upset me, and saying small things like that was enough to make me feel better, but by not actually saying anything too specific, he can just brush me off if I mention it?

View related questions: drunk, military, move on

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011):

In response: yes I'm single now.

And, YES, I am still interested in him but the reason I don't want to just give it a shot is because of what the anonymous poster said about him just wanting to get my clothes off. These were my thoughts EXACTLY, but I didn't want to plant anything by mentioning it in my post. I wouldn't sleep with him straight away, but he knows it would be on the cards at some point - with not that much effort on his part.

And if that happens, the very least of my worries is that we can't be friends anymore and the most of my worries is how I would feel about being used like that by a friend.

I thought the reason he has stayed away before is because he doesn't want to hurt me because it would only be a one night thing and not anything more, but with a few drinks down him, he was like "meh worth a punt"

I'm not painting a great picture of this guy haha, he is actually an amazing person, but I'm just trying not to be naive and go into this with my eyes wide open... if at all.

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A female reader, Bellaxxx Ireland +, writes (27 May 2011):

Has nothing changed? Do you have a boyfriend now? U didn't say but it sounds to me like he always fancied you and was just being a good guy by not taking advantage of you especially when you were in a relationship. He prob now feels the time is right 2 be with you.

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A male reader, Drew21 Canada +, writes (27 May 2011):

Drew21 agony auntI guess the big question is: are you still interested in him?

I can relate to this guy. I was in a similar situation. I was into a girl. She was in a long distance relationship with a guy. To me, that's a no-fly zone. If you're in a relationship, i will never EVER try to break you up or lure you to infidelity. I trust that you are happy.

This girl and i started hanging out as friends. She was lonely without her guy around, and we just really clicked. Also her boyfriend had met me and felt like i was safe for her to be around..

Around christmas time we would just go for long drives looking at christmas lights together, one night we went to Detroit and spent the evening riding the elevator of a skyscraper.. We just had FUN together. Goofy, teen movie-type fun.

One night we went out to a bar with a couple of her friends.. She had a few too many. On the way back to the car (i was pretty much carrying her) she blurted out that she didn't know why she was still pretending to be dating that guy when she knew she was completely in love with me.

I was mortified. On one hand, THIS was why i started hanging out with her, because i was nuts for her, but i could not allow myself to be responsible for breaking up a relationship.

I drove her back to her place, she stripped naked and tried to sleep with me. I didn't do it (though I did wind up lying in bed with her until she went to sleep/passed out.)

The day after, i made the decision that that was it. I couldn't see her anymore. I did not want to steal this guy's girlfriend away from him. I did not want to be "that guy".

It was hard to do, and to be quite honest... Years later. I have some feelings of regret. I wish i had slept with her that night. I wish i had decided to go for it. I always wonder how it would have turned out.

So my question is: Are you still interested in him? If you are.... Why not give it a shot?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2011):

He's interested in sleeping with you now that you are single. If you are up for a one night stand or casual sex go for it. He knows you like him and he wouldn't have to work that hard to get your clothes off like he would a girl he just met who he'd have to date and spend a lot of money on for a month or two just to get her naked. It's a no brainer, low cost, low investment proposition for him.

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