A
female
age
,
*uualoha
writes:I've had a long term friend that I met in Bali, Indonesia...a good looking, handsome, blue eyed surfer ..square jaw...almost resembiling a young Rober Redford type...wow, the day I walked by that restaraunt I had to take a double take twice...and I thought...what the heck...I'm going to sit down and look at the sceery and enjoy my dinner!!! I sat a couple chairs away from him...ate dinner...he said something to me...and we started a conversation...it was his birthday and he was visiting from California! and I was visiting my twin sister in Guam...and lived also in California. We dated there a couple times...I left my home phone at my sisters in Guam..he called and I didn't fly back until a few months later...and I called him..we met and we saw each other off and on. We had a attraction for each other always. I just thought this guy is just too good looking and he probably gets all types of women and I just didn't want to get caught up in a relationship. Time went on..we kept in touch....met for dinner, drinks and ...sex however; its never been anymore that that...Hes been in a relationship and so am I now...we still call each other..keep in touch and still are friends...we still have that passion, excitement, we miss each other..and nothing more than that. He tells me he misses me...then ...no calls ...no response...then he calls and says hello and its confusing. Its this unspoken affair with no expectations other than friendship however; I've become curious to know him more and it hasn't gotten past that point ever...Kind of a curiousity of What if? or I wonder what it would be like? I'm an older woman. late 40's..I'm not looking for marriage or someone to take care of me however; someone for fun and companionship...Am I this peson of fantasy? and wanting something that was just for fun? not reality? And why is he just leading me on to this affair knowing I just cannot do this on again off again unspoken ...relationship...I just cannot do it anymore...its too confusing. What do I do?Its almost like...that movie ...same time next year...where this couple stays friends for years and has a family .
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female
reader, Beckto +, writes (15 June 2007):
 If you're both in a relationship, you can't really do much. The fact that you're considering him makes me think that you may not feel 100% confident in your current mate. If that's so, then maybe you should move on, or at the very least, reconsider things a bit.
I understand the "what if" you feel about the other person. I bet most people have a "what if" person in their past. But, I think you should do your best to give your current relationship all of your commitment.
Remember too, you have not had any real-life circumstances with your Robert Redford. You've never had any experiences (I'm inferring) outside of the "romantic vacation" experience, so of course you only have amazing, curious feelings about him! I would too! There's something that happens to a relationship after you've gone to the grocery store together for the 50th time... (which, in my opinion, is a good, realistic thing!)
If I were you, I would do my best to get my desires under control. Use it to look into your current relationship and see if you're really happy there. But, it shouldn't have anything to do with "Mr. Redford."
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