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age
18-21,
writes: me and my boyfriend were together for a year and 4 months. He was my first boyfriend, and first everything. We broke up for good (I think), this morning.We had a lot in common. Music, hobbies, movies, interests, goals... well, he also claimed I was his first love. We had a truly blissful relationship until the sixth month.He had a lot of issues with my past (he disapproved of it) and because I lied. We broke up several times, but we always made up. Aside from the problems, our love kept grwoing, and things were even starting to get better, less fighting and he told me he was getting over my past and starting to trust me more.He became like my best friend. And I truly do love him so much. But this time, I think it's definitive. He told me he wishes me the best, that hopefully I'll be truly happy, and that he doesn't want to know anything from me.Now, I'm having problems, because I KNOW we're not meant to be. True, we had a lot in common and seemed perfect for each other. But he always made me feel miserable about my past and my mistakes, and that's not good for a relationship. However, I left feeling like I'm the bad girl in this, like he's a saint and I ruined everything. Our last fight and final straw was because of some things I had done prior to dating him which he didn't know about and he disliked them. He left telling me he thinks I'm a liar and promiscuous (he used a harder term). The problem is, until yesterday everything was great between us, so loving and sweet.Why don't I feel better now that it's over, if I know he's not right for me? Why am I still hopeful that we'll get back together? Why does everything I like remind me of him? Why don't I feel relieved? How long will this take, and what can I do to get over him?
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best friend, broke up, get back together, liar Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, pari  +, writes (18 January 2008):
having things in common is not enough. u need to hav the same beliefs and same values.... etc etc
he was more of your bestfriend than a boyfreind to be honest and that is like all relationship, even in my own.
if he cant forgive you then thats bad.....
but your hopeful...
and if there is no hope in the world- the world will not survive. this world practically lives on hope....
you will get other it soon. this is only recent.
first u will be distressed but ... the pain will go down...
just give it time.
time is the best medicine for wounds in the heart.....
A
male
reader, Dr. John  + ♥, writes (5 January 2008):
 You are feeling some guilt over this I think because it seems that the breakup ended up being about you.
As far as getting over it, you will get over it.
Just as an injury may leave a gaping wound, it may take awhile to heal.
The main thing is, the wound does heal.
Just give it a little time and things will get better. Doc
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A
female
reader, baby duck + ♥, writes (4 January 2008):
 It's going to take time ... how long, I can't say, because it is different for everyone. I will tell you this, though ... your feelings will follow your thoughts and your brain is right on track! You are going to be fine.
I am not sure of my own opinion on this next thing ... another poster may even say something to YOU that will have me going, 'hmmm ...'. That said, I think it would be wonderful to have a relationship with someone that you could tell everything to ... but I am not sure that you should ... at least, not for a long while. I think the ideal relationship starts off as a friendship. You share things and gradually trust each other more and more. If there is chemistry, than you take it to the next level. All the while, being judicious about what you share and when. No, you don't want any bombs down the road to blast the relationship to smithereens, and that's why there's no hard and fast rules regarding what to divulge and when. But if you've been honest (that does not mean 'if you've told every secret you've ever had' ... it means 'if you have not lied or withheld crucial information'), than some of those inner thoughts and feelings can wait until the relationship is more and more special.
Anyway ... whatever you do ... ride the roller coaster of emotions because your head is on straight. Enjoy time with friends and make time to be alone. The only way to let go of painful feelings is to feel them. Going into denial or distracting yourself does not eliminate them. I am The Former Queen of Denial ... I know!
Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, maggie1987 +, writes (4 January 2008):
 theres nothing u can do to get over someone except give yourself time, its only been a day so u never know u might get back together but all u can do is give it time it probably will take a few weeks even months but u will get over him
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