A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a guy for 5 wks we have had a great 5 wks (I know it's only 5 wks) but one thing that bugs me is when we are together he won't answer his phone if a message comes through and often put it on silent. . Why is this ?? He says he doesn't want to be disturbed when we are together ... but I find it secretive. . He's in his 40s with teenage kids ( the eldest I have met ) I worry if they need to get hold of him it looks bad on me if he never answers when he's with me , Any ideas?? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (15 July 2018):
 To the anonymous female who thinks we are advocating putting a partner before children: get off your high horse. This is NOT what we are saying - as you well know.
This is a DATE. A couple of hours of "me" time for dad. If it was an emergency, then obviously he should answer his phone. In any case, the poster does not even know who is phoning him. It may not be his children at all. She just mentioned his children because she knows of them.
It is the man's choice whether he chooses to answer his phone or not. Just because he has teenage children does not mean he is not entitled to a couple of hours to himself.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2018): Its called respect sweetie. I dont pick my phone up when im on a date. Put your worries to the side an be happy
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2018): It's good to know a partner comes before your children ,people !!! I get not answering your phone on dates etc but not when your just sat about ... my children come before any guy .
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (15 July 2018):
Poor man. Doing his best to show you respect but you see it as being secretive. I would be completely insulted if a date kept answering his phone, unless it was an emergency. Time you spend together should be YOUR time, not someone else's. He can (and probably does) reply to his texts once your date is over and his time is his own.
Just to add, let HIM and the children's mother worry about the children. You have only known him 5 weeks. They are not YOUR children.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2018): Your concern makes no sense. It's courteous and respectful to silence your phone when you're on a date. He's a gent!
If he has kids and there's an emergency; they also have a mother, and can call the police. If he's so polite and considerate; he's also likely to be a responsible father. He'll check his messages at a convenient time. Most parents have the app that alerts them when a call is an emergency. If they don't they should!
Don't worry about his phone, unless he rudely answers calls constantly during your date. He explained to you why. So why are you asking us? Why would they blame you for HIM not answering HIS phone?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (15 July 2018):
 I would honestly presume he is telling the truth. I think it's pretty RUDE to hang out with someone or be out to dinner and be busy on the phone.
He is still on his best behavior when seeing you so putting the phone on silence seems polite to me.
Hardly ANYONE is so important that they have to check their phones and answer texts asap.
This isn't about HOW you may look, you AREN'T in control of him or his CHOICE to not answer his phone. My guess is, if something is really important the kids know who to contact if HE doesn't answer right away.
There will come a time (if you date him long enough) where he will NOT be so worried about how you might look at him for being on his phone. Right now though, he is trying to be polite and show you that his focus is on YOU.
Now you may want to spin this any other way, but has he given you ANY reason for that?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2018): The reason why he wouldn't answer his phone or text messages when he's with you is because those are coming from another woman that he does not want you to know about. Of course, he will tell you that he only wants to concentrate on you when the two of you are together.. !!My boyfriend did the same when we first started dating. His ex kept calling and texting him when we'd go out on dates. He would never answer. Then one time, I pretended to be asleep as he was driving and she called. The phone rang a few times and finally he picked up. He talked to her briefly and sounded annoyed. Then I pretended to wake up and asked who called him. He had to tell me it was his ex.. I told him it's ok and to please answer calls when we're together. That I understand and I don't mind. He's been taking calls ever since.
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A
female
reader, amykennedy +, writes (15 July 2018):
Next time his phone rings or that you see him, just say in a cute way “You can answer your phone around me, it doesn’t bother me!“ and smile. Something along those lines. If he insists on not wanting to do so, then say “well that’s sweet that you want to be respectful but I know you have a life I don’t want to get in the way of that if you need to talk to your kids or anything” if he still says he doesn’t want to just leave it. Relationships need to be built on trust. If you have a feeling it’s shady just keep an eye out, but don’t let it consume you. He’s most likely trying to be mindful of your time together. Plus, he’s older and older people don’t wanna be consumed by technology as much! GL OP
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