A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:There is this guy and girl who have known each other for years. It seems like he embarrasses her with questions when others are there, and drawing undue attention to her. But when with her alone, he barely speaks to her. It seems he has 'stolen' her friends from her. They are not as close to her as before him; and they give some attitude towards her since he became their close friends. She is just the same person as usual. But it seems he goes out of his way to do things; even putting on shows where he has these friends performing in and inviting all their other friends including the girl; even asking the girl to help make food preparations for these shows. He recently asked her if she was not lonely living by herself, in the presence of his wife. And during all of this, he has taken away the girl’s best friend and giving her special favors. That friend is now mean towards the girl and pushes away anyone who this man wants to be friends with. But sometimes them man still talks to and email the girl. But he makes it clear that the girl’s x-friend who is now his best friend, is the one whom he favors. Why would he be so hot and cold with the girl at the same time? It’s as though he does not know how to act with the girl. Before he became close friend with the girl’s ex-friend, the x-friend use to make rude comments towards the girl in front of him. He has seems to like when the girl is sad with that. Then after he became the x-friend’s best friend, the girl does not get much tease from her. Why would he talk freely and be more questioning towards a girl when his wife or others are around, BUT act a totally different way when he is working with her and no one else is around?
View related questions:
best friend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (10 September 2013):
 Okay here is my final take on this post. We are talking about you and you DO have a crush on this married man. You need to back away, far far away.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe is not the type to go doing things like that. Anyway, she avoids him all the time. He once showed up at her house in teh night unannounced. She had a female friend that was ther with her. She said he just came right in an sat in her chair. Started to make small talk about a new project htey were working on. Then go quiet. Then he left. She said it was so weirf of him, especially that he has been mean to her. The latest thing that he had been doing to her is to take a hold of her upper arm adn squeeze it. just out of the blue. I have never watch him doing that but a two other person has noticed that. She didn't do anything that he heard of that was bad to cause this. (I have the facts on that). She has to cross path with him at one time or another, especially that his wife and her are close.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 September 2013):
 It sounds all very peculiar. As he is not her employer then she might simply avoid any activity that involves going to his home.
Maybe he heard something negative about your relative and is reacting in kind?
Again, I would just keep away from this man and the false friends.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (10 September 2013):
On second thought why not have HER come talk to us. Since she is the one directly involved?
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (9 September 2013):
The best bet would be for her to ASK him what the deal is. He's the only one who really would know.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIf I had a point of view, I woulndt feel compelled to ask anyone else why he behaves this way. Sometimes other people are aware of similar situations and knew why things happened that way and may be able to give an answer to my question. Most situations are not unique and so there are always reasons behind certain actions, some reasons being just one or two. So whatever oipinons I get, I can put two and two together.
BTW, she is not his employee. They belong to a volunteer group that each one has doen their own work and have made their own decision to be apart of, even befroe meeting each other. But he turned on her suddenly or no appearant reason that anyone of us or her could see. I am sorta helping he figure out what's going one since his behavior is affecting her in the group, and she is his wife's friend, with sort of a mother daughter relationship
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 September 2013):
"Why would he talk freely and be more questioning towards a girl when his wife or others are around, BUT act a totally different way when he is working with her and no one else is around?"
Potential answers:
-she's a hired employee (she caters food), his response is to pay attention when people are around and ignore when people are there as an employer might do
-he's madly in love with her and needs to try to hide it as best he can (odd though that he would be so awful if he really cared about her well-being)
What do YOU think? You obviously have a point of view or you wouldn't have spent the time to even post this question.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioneyeswideopen: If you read down below, I explained that I am not the person who is experiencing this. But it is a close family member. The faily member is not at all interested in being with anyone, let alone a married man. She is neither delusional or sentimental. I am not looking for you to say the man is in love with the woman either. Just your honest opinion as to why. There is not need to be cynical or rude. thank you
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (8 September 2013):
You aren't asking for advice on what to do about the situation but what possible reasons there would be for it, right? I get the feeling you have a massive crush on this married man and the "reason" that you want all the aunts to come up with is that the married man also is madly in love with you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThere is no mystery to the situation and the question. If you can answer it fine. If you can't, then ok. Maybe someone else who can understand it will pick it up. thnx anyway.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 September 2013):
Oh, and based again on the reading of the question, I think this girl should get as far away from this man as possible, and not accept any more invitations or offers of 'work' or catering or whatever. It all sounds very lopsided, based on the information provided.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 September 2013):
Oh good! The OP has answered.
So, how is it that her friends have chosen him over her? That seems very odd to me. You know how we girls all stick together!
So he asks this girl "to help make food preparations for these shows." So maybe he's hiring her or taking advantage of her? What food preparations is she being asked to make? Cater trays of appetizers, help clean up the kitchen or bring a couple of bags of chips?
He has a wife, so of course he's an honorable man? Or is this the real question, that he's not all that honorable?
Is his wife best friends with his new best friend?
As far as the situation, it could well be from any country… sometimes people hide the country of origin (I don't know why) and it was an observation based on tone, wording choice and just a general feeling. I did not say it couldn't happen in the US, it just sounded like something from another culture.
The US is great big old salad bowl of cultures. It helps the aunts here to know if we are dealing with the culture of an OP whose family hails from Iceland or Iraq, Australia or Afghanistan, Bolivia or Belgium. There are some cultural norms, expectations that will influence those involved in such a situation as the people you ask about.
So maybe you could help us out by letting us know if he lives in a red or blue state? Is he a conservative type or a more liberal dude? That might help.
It still sounds odd that he could manipulate her BFFs to the extent that they fall victim to his charms…. there's something else going on.
So thank you for following up, that's awesome!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe girl is not putting up with him. The situation is such that she cant just not be in his presence at times.How would this sound like a different culter than in the US? That statement does make sense. The US is full of divese cultures. Besides, you're saying that this doesnt and would never happen in America. Are you serious? Sorry to disillusion you, but it is an American thing honey.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 September 2013):
So a married man is splitting up best friends? "Girls"? If they were really good friends, a married man wouldn't be able to split them up.
The post suggests that the man is a pain in the ass:
-he embarrasses her in front of friends or others
-he ignores her when they are alone (does this mean the girl/woman tell you what is happening between them in private?)
-he has 'stolen' her friends (they couldn't have been very good friends of hers if some odd man causes a rift, unless he is a liar?)
-blah blah blah more similar mistreatment
Good grief, if a guy was that weird and manipulative, why spend any more time even being near him? Get away from him and anyone who succumbs to his fake 'charm'.'
Why would things turn sour?
-he has an undiagnosed brain tumor
-he is a narcissist
-he likes drama
-his wife has asked him to make this girl's ilfe a misery and all her friends cheerfully complied
-she was under the impression that these people were friends when in fact they were phonies
-someone is confused
You put up a US flag as the country of origin. But somehow, this sounds like another culture to me.
If he is the close family member, tell him to stop being a drama queen.
If she is the close family member, tell her to get away from this person, far far away.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNumber one, this is NOT in third person. Its in regards to a close family member.
Number two, I am not asking what should or can be done. I am asking about possible reasons why things turn sour without obvious reasons.
Thank you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2013): I agree about the 3rd person thing. It's very annoying and makes the whole post confusing. It's also unnecessary because you're obviously talking about yourself and not some hypothetical situation.
Anyway, the man has a wife so that should instantly knock him off your radar. He sounds like a piece of work and it's therefore better avoided. Stop giving him the time of day, stop analysing his behaviour. And reconsider who you are friends with. Friends shouldn't be so easy to steal.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (7 September 2013):
 When you use the 3rd person view it makes it 100 times harder to read and understand.
1. People can't "Steal" other people. If "the girls" BEST friend drop her for some guy who is entertaining and do her favors, then honestly, she couldn't have been a VERY good friend.
2. Minimize the amount of contact you have with the guy.
3. And consider finding a different group of friends if they push you away for some dude.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2013): Next time just man up and write in the first person for Pete's sake. Anyway, just ignore him, don't hang out with this guy anymore even around others if it's avoidable. If you have to mingle with him just treat him like the scum on your shoe.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2013): Why do people ask questions in 3rd person? If the man is married enough said. This girl and man should Ho their separate ways.
...............................
|
