A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, why is it that everytime I go on dates, I'm always asked to make decisions on where to go, what to do, what to talk about...I don't mind doing it a few times but I'm always expected to find things to do, it gets annoying.I understand that many women like it better when a man takes charge but I shouldn't have to exclusively make decisions as I sometimes run out of ideas.Am I just attracting a certain type of girl or is this common? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (7 September 2013):
Dear OP,
Thanks for this post - I've got the opposite problem. When dating, the guys often take charge of everything.. when and where we meet, what to do, what to talk about, when to pay the bill or kiss or say good-bye. I find it really annoying, but I've realized that since I don't have any practice in taking charge, I don't know if I could plan and organize a date anymore if I was asked to do so. Though I think I could.. I guess somewhere in history women and men must have agreed on this scenario and I really don't like it either.
I also agree with wiseowle to just include the girl in the planning of the event. Ask her what she usually does on a friday night, if there's a place she's always wanted to go.. etc. Also, when talking, ask open-ended questions where the woman has to do some explaining and talking.
Also, if you really don't want this anymore, then go ahead and don't. Don't plan anything for a change. Don't give any topics for talking. You may risk to have some awkward silence, some uncertainty where to go and some discussions, but maybe you'll feel more relaxed and less like a game show host. It takes two to play a stupid game, change the rules if you don't like it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2013): Yes, you are picking a "type" and you're being too consistent. Staying within safe boundaries.Always looking for the wifey-type. Explore!
You need an outgoing adventurous lady, with a little bit of a take-charge stand-out attitude. Stop looking for girls to please mama. Go for the type that has a spark and energy.
You've avoided the out-going type with a little bit of trepidation; because you think she'll be bossy. Maybe she'll intimidate you a little.
Dude, that's exactly the type you described in your post.
Bossy can be sexy, "controlling" is the no-no. Drop the old-school attitude.
Allow her to describe her ideal date. Ask her about her hobbies and interests; and work with it. Plan things together.
Match your activities with her energy-level. Don't ask a girl out; and not have a plan, man!
Give a girl a chance to show who she is. If she speaks up and has ideas, listen. You can just sit-back; be the puppy in her lap. Don't be afraid to play dumb a little.
You, like the rest of us guys, always feel we have to prove we have leader-ship skills.
Hey, dating is for fun. So let her teach you things. Most guys don't stick around long enough to find out.
Call ahead and ask for suggestions. I usually know from a first date what people like to do. That's generally what my first conversation is about. Likes and interests. No negatives.
It's a 50/50 proposition. Nothing like some spontaneity to keep things rolling. Ladies are full of surprises these days, they know exactly what they want, and know how to get it. Ask her to lay a surprise date on you. Then sit back and let her have the wheel, and pay the check.
Some guys fear letting the girl make suggestions for economical reasons, or work too hard to impress.
Don't worry, if you're a guy on a budget. A gold-digger will have you pegged from the start. She won't date a guy who drives an SUV or economy sedan, anyway. So you'll know from the start if it's about you, or what you have. She's fun for an evening; when you have a little extra cash to blow, and a great rent-a-car. Be all ears and take notes.
Gold-diggers always suggests five-star restaurants; but don't dress appropriately for the occasion. But she'll hot.
All she knows is you'll spend a lot of cash, and have a great time. If you're squeamish about it; she won't go out with you anymore. High-maintenance types aren't for the squeamish or feint of heart. They know how to live, and will show you how to impress a woman.
Let each date be a learning experience, and learn from women what they like. Stop being so rigid and feeling you'll seem less masculine if you don't always run the show. Allow the woman to be the brains. Be willing to put out; if she comes up with a really great date.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2013): Maybe stop dating younger women. If ur not dating younger women then before dating let them know ur expectation otherwise continue on your same path.
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