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Why does my partner lavish so much attention on his ex?

Tagged as: The ex-factor, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 June 2006) 2 Answers - (Newest, 22 June 2006)
A female , anonymous writes:

Hi

i have been with my partner for 5 years, he has 3 children and his exwife lives locally. She has partner. My partner keeps saying he'll divorce her but that he hasn't gotten round to it. When she asks, he takes her car to get serviced, leaving our vehicle at her house (I let him know I don't agree with this and not happy about this). Her partner is more than capable of doing this. Then he lets her use our vehicle - without my knowledge.

We have fights. I am really upset and then he calls to say he'll be late home as he needs to take his daughter to school open day - what about sorting this hurt out with me? what about getting things back on track with us?

View related questions: divorce, ex-wife, his ex

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A female reader, Smiler +, writes (22 June 2006):

Smiler agony auntHey Sweetie

Oh you poor thing you sound really down about this :o( don't be so sad, i can kinda understand that he has to be there for his children kids always need there dads, i would try and put a lid on your jealousy in that department in fact turn it the other way be proud and supportive that he is standing by and supporting his kids, but the car thing would also get to me big time to on this score you are gonna need to sit him down have a heart to heart with him tell him how this is making you feel emotionally tell him you feel like 2nd best and thats not on explain his ex has a partner of her own now surely they can sort something without your man getting involved :o) tell him to be a little more considerate rearding your feelings and put you 1st :o)

I hope my advice was able to help you out with your situation babe and good luck with this... if you ever need a friend or a chat or just more advice don't hesitate to email me sweetie, I would love to hear from you again and know how you got on... Remember i'm always here for you anytime ok

You Take Care Sweetie X

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A female reader, snowbird Canada +, writes (22 June 2006):

snowbird agony auntI would not be worried about him doing things for his children - they need their dad, and he is only doing his duty for them, which is after all, their right.

But the car issue - well, that really does suck, particularly as she has a partner.. you do not mention whether you drive..if you do have you tried telling him that you need the car for something urgent?

Also I know divorces are expensive, I can't wait for mine, but cannot afford the costs; and I don't have little ones to take into account. So maybe money is an issue?

No excuse for her to say "jump", and him to say "how high?", though, I'd say calmly issue him an ultimatum, either he gets on track and sorts his priorities out, or the relationship cannot progress. I guess talking it over with his ex and appealing to her better nature is not an option, maybe it has gone beyond that, but best not to get into a slanging match, as it would only appear that you may be jealous - and you need to be mature and sensible, though I know it must be really a difficult call for you. Not an easy one, but the best of luck, I hope you can sort it out amicably, for everyone's sake.

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