A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my husband for 12 years and been married 7 years we got together and our sex life was not good at all i found magazines with just naked women in i confronted him he told me that it was his brothers i just laughed i am a open women and i dont mind looking and not lied to i explained this to him. my sex life throughout our relationship has been rubbish its not porn he is looking at it is women i have caught him a few times having a wank but i asked and he lied i got a phone bill in november last year of £500 a month and there was loads of downloads so i confronted him and he denied it i have banded the internet on his phone as we cant afford this kind of money has i am a student and cant work we split up and then we talked he told me that he just wanted sex with me when he felt like it and also he was having a wank 2 or 3 times a day thats why it took him half an hour to get hard when he decided to have sex what ever i did he didnt want me even on the wedding night and through our honeymoon we are trying to put this behind us and he still looks at women but they are normal women and within the area i live that worrys me. the sex life has improved and he wants me more but i dont understand i feel like he didnt find me attractive before but because he isnt having a wank anymore i am a second prize. i know he loves me but maybe he has never been in love with me. he explained that he has been doing this since the age of 14 i dont know what to do it really hurts that he wants me now after all these years
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, straight to the truth +, writes (13 January 2011):
Bare with me on this one:
Firstly its ok for a man to have a wank, its completely normal and natural, along with watching porn and looking at dirty magazines.
Men will always have a sneeky look at whats out there but if he is making it obvious and making advances on other women then there is a problem
If he is wanking so much that it affects your sex life then there is a problem.
Maybe if you have a talk to say that you dont mind him masturbating so long as it doesn't affect your sex life then maybe this will help.
You are not second prize, you are his wife, you are the person he has chosen to spend his life with. some men just find sex tiring, or maybe he is picking up on the fact that you dont really ejoy sex with him which is making him feel embaressed about it.
I would suggest that you talk to him about ways you can improve your sex life, watch a dirty dvd together, have dress up nights, talk to eachother about the things that turn you on or things that he does really well or that he could improve on eg: "you spank me too much i dont really enjoy it" or " i really like it when your in that position" sex is not a given thing, if you dont talk you wont learn what you both enjoy.
it might be a little embaressing at first but once you get the mix right you will both enjoy sex a lot more.
even once the sex life is great you need to understand he is still a man and he is likely to enjoy a little time going solo occassionaly.
i hope the two of you work this out and remember you are not second best, he choose you above all other women to fall in love with, marry and spend his life with.
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