A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My ex broke up with me 7 months ago and has maintained no contact since then. I have always loved him and a part of me still does, and I accept that he does not want to be with me anymore, but why doesn't he at least want to be friends with me? I tried to contact him twice during the last 7 months. Once when I lost my job and the other when I got into an accident. They were months apart. He never called back to see how I was doing. I called him on those two occasions because I needed his support as a friend. We used to be best friends. I just can't understand how he could withdraw from me like that when we were so close in the past.I've been dating other guys and the grief I feel for him is fading with time. But I don't understand why he wants to have nothing to do with me. It hurts me that he does not even want to speak to me.
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best friend, broke up, my ex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis is the OP. Thank you all for your advice. My ex could not handle emotional intimacy. It scared the hell out of him. I believe he may have had Schizoid Personality Disorder. He could not feel what I felt, which was love. I thought the friendship would survive, but it did not and it hurts me to know this.
A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (23 May 2013):
 Hi
It's good you are dating and recovering. It's only when you have children there's a need to communicate with an Ex, to remain civil.
He ended the relationship for whatever reasons and now he is recovering and moving forward, maybe even seeing someone.
It IS hard for you if he was your friend as well and if it was a long relationship.
However there is no point in having him in your life anymore, at least not until you have moved on to a new long-term relationship, even then it will never be the same, he will be an acquaintance at best.
I am sure it's not personal, he is just like the majority who have split up, he is in 'no contact' mode, which is his right.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2013): You cannot plow a field and keep looking back. Otherwise you'll never finish plowing so that you can begin to start planting, & eventually reap the fruits of the harvest. He is plowing a new plot for himself. So must you. So must we all when the soil we choose to plow was not right for the planting.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2013): I do not have anything to do with any of my exes, it is not because I feel they are bad people, nor that I do not care for them at all. I just find that it is best for me to move on and not have any exes as friends after the relationship has ended. He is doing what is best for him, so please do not let it bother you, it is not about you, it is about him and what he needs to do. Take care
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (23 May 2013):
It's probably more complicated than anyone but him could know, but sometimes people just want to move on from the past. Don't take it personal, it's not about you, its about him.
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A
male
reader, fzald +, writes (23 May 2013):
A lot of this will depend on why you two broke up. You said "my ex broke up with me" so I'm going to assume it was his decision to end the relationship? Could you elaborate a bit more on why the relationship ended? Contrary to what everyone would like to believe, it can be VERY difficult to go back to "Being friends" after terminating a romantic relationship. It does work for some, but not for everyone. A lot of it depends on how deep the feelings ran in the relationship and how intense it was. Sometimes the only way for someone to keep their sanity after losing someone they love is to stay away. Also perhaps consider that he has a new GF and his new GF doesn't like the idea of him contacting his exes. Girls can get very jealous of their guy's exes, and can even get jealous of other girls who the guy is just friends with. This doesn't automatically make it right, but it might explain a bit what's going on.I have become casual friends with some of my exes, but only after many months or even years of being apart, only after I found a new partner, and even then, the friendship has never been as close as it once was. I could give a bit more insight if you elaborate more on the breakup and why it happened. Either way, if you REALLY feel you need to contact him, you could try writing a physical letter - yes, the old fashioned way. If you were to do this, all you want to do is let him know how you feel - that you miss your friendship. However, as much as I would love to say that this will bring him back to you as a friend, there's no guarantees, so be prepared to not get a response even to this. I'm really sorry that you're experiencing these feelings, and, good luck to you!
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