A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years now and been living together for about a year. At first we had a really good sexual relationship and had sex often. Now we have sex like once a month, but all other aspects of the relationship are great. The problem is every time I leave the house (work,shopping,etc..) I see that he has been watching porn and I caught him once when I woke up in the middle of the night; not to mention he goes on triple x matching sites and live video sites. He completely denies this over over and I know he is lying because it is on the history and cookies of the computer, and we only save cookies from sites we visit. I don't know what to do - why would he rather watch porn than have sex with me????????? It just makes me feel really bad about myself for some reason...help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2010): Get out of this relationship as fast as you can and don't look back. If he can return to you a healthy man whose psychological baggage has been resolved (preferably following therapy) then consider it then... but only then.
He is not psychologically capable of having a relationship with you or with anyone. He has harmed himself by creating an addiction to porn. Plain and simple... although very sad.
You were not what got him into this and... you cannot get him out of it. Only he can... with help of a professional.
There is so much distortion and confusion concerning porn... the distortions are perpetuated as 'normal' or healthy because... quite frankly... the ego gets in the way... and prevents seeing porn for the cancer it is.
It erodes the mind and the heart... breaks connections from the porn user to others... they become an island unto themselves. All they 'need' is their porn and themselves and they are flying high. Everything else? Well, its about helping the addict remain the addict. You provide respectability, you help him with getting food on the table... day to day living things... but porn has his heart. He cannot serve two masters.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): Why do you feel bad about yourself? I wouldn't like it either! No respect, no romance, nada. Don't make his sickness your problem. Is this guy the type of dad you'd want for your children? His mind is elsewhere..to be frank.
Want to feel great about yourself? get a new pair of boots and LEAVE. R E S P E C T. love that tune. ps. wonder if chippendales has a cookie? workiT
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A
female
reader, MsVick +, writes (16 November 2010):
 What kind of sites is he going to? Are they things that you and he do not do? If so it could be his interests lay there. Example if he is into BDSM and you two aren't doing that, he is trying to work out some of his addiction this way. It is not fair of him to lie to you and hide his activities. You may suggest counseling and see where that goes. I think he has an addiction and just cannot help himself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010): I agree with Chigirl. Some guys get tired of having orgasms just with their girlfriends. I heard one study that said that the average person can actually achieve greater orgasms alone, rather than with a partner. I think you need to talk to him about it. Having sex once a month is not good. It could be that watching porn has desensitized him to you and porn is allowing constantly new stimulation for him. Also some men will get actually less attracted to very beautiful partners over time. What I mean is.... If the only thing he finds attractive about you is your physical appearance, then he will get less and less stimulated by looking at you. I don't think this is the case however.
Hope that helps. :)
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (16 November 2010):
 I think this is an indication of one of two things. Either he's not happy or he's reverted to what he was doing before you got together. This question gets asked a lot so please check out the "pornography" tab on the right hand side of the page. You're not alone. Chigirl also gave good advice. You need to talk to him about your needs. Tell him that his lies hurt worse and that if he can't talk about it then why are you even together.
Communication is the only way past problems. Don't let him shut that down. Ultimately if he's unwilling to communicate then you should leave him to his hand and find a man who will satisfy you.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 November 2010):
 Would you like to have more sex? Do you feel the porn is keeping him from having sex with you? Have you talked about this? There could be several reasons for his behaviour. One reason could be he just has a low sex drive, but enjoys masturbating. That he actually prefers masturbating. Everyone thinks everyone should prefer sex over masturbating, and the norm is you do, but really... I think people should be allowed to prefer masturbating over sex as well. It all just depends on the person I guess.
So, the answer could be you are not sexually compatible. This can be helped by both of you compromising to improve your sex-life. Keep an open communication and work through it. If nothing changes Im afraid you either have to leave and find a new boyfriend, or settle with sex once a month.
Btw, he needs to stop lying about watching porn, lies and sneaking around are not healthy for a relationship. Stop shaming him over it as well, watching porn is normal activity, as long as it doesn't turn into an obsession or addiction.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010): You poor woman. Im very sorry to hear this. If he has to hide what he's doing and also has to get up in the nite to take care of business, I would say he is highly likely to be addicted and he now has a neurological issue which completely stems differently from thinking youre not at all attractive to him. Nonetheless, you are demeaned and disrespected and I would highly suggest professional counseling for the lad and perhaps both of you together as well. good luck.
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