A
female
age
41-50,
*uluLashella
writes:Please help me understand. My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for the last 8 months. We have recently moved in together.Before we moved in we were having sex 4-6times a week. It has now dramatically dropped to about 4-6 times a month. I have a very high sex drive and want to do it ALL the time. He is aware, but doesn't feel the same apparently. The other day masturbation came up in a conversation with friends and he mentions that he masturbates at least twice a week. Since then, I have been feeling hurt and upset because I know that he is obviously still wanting sex but I feel like Im not good enough. Or good in bed, or something. Why would he choose masturbation over me when he knows I'm ready, willing, and able?Is there something wrong with me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2010): You need to initiate more oral sex. That's where it dies down :) mmmhmmmmm
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2010): Have you ever caught him or been aware of him masturbating? He may have said it for shock value or to look like a big macho manly man with a huge sex drive.
That said twice a week doesn't seem like that often - still seems like a pretty low sex drive...
How have you made him aware of your needs? Direct conversation? If so, maybe he needs to be seduced? A couple of candles and a flimsy nightgown can go a long way.
The other thing is that sometimes pressure to perform can be a big turn off for guys. Make sure that he knows that you aren't seeking sex as much as you're looking for an experience WITH HIM (assuming that's the case) and that what turns you on is not a need that can be filled by masturbation, but a need for him.
It may also be that he needs that rough treatment that person12345 refers to. Ask him and maybe you can come up with a mutually gratifying solution...
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A
female
reader, lovelyone3 +, writes (25 June 2010):
 It could also be a selfish reason - he doesn't need to concentrate on pleasing anyone else - he can just get down to business on himself and be done with it all. I only WISH my husband would take matters into his own hands!!!!
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (25 June 2010):
 No there's nothing wrong with you. Some men actually addicted to masturbation. Does he watch porn while he does it? Because porn is very addicting. Have you tried talking to him about this? Do you initiate things? Sometimes guys masturbate just so much that they become desensitized to a soft vagina and can only orgasm from the tight grip of a hand. You need to talk to him about this and how much it hurts.
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