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female
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anonymous
writes: I am in a new relationship after being with my ex boyfriend for seven years. My new guy is a nice person except that he has a jealous streak and constantly makes nasty references to my ex...he has never met him and it bothers me. I still hold my ex boyfriend in good regard and do not know what this new fellow has against someone he has never met. What is causing this and how do I deal with it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2006): You sound like you are more fond of your ex then your current boyfriend, i would feel angry, threatened, jealous and insecure!
The biggest turn off for a man is to hear about their gf's ex-bf, they dont give a shit!!
I have been in this situation ironically and i terminated the relationship soley because the ex always came up and i felt like crap as it was never about me and her, it was like having a 3 way relationship, perhaps you should ask for a threesome? Then he will come to his senses and realise he deserves better.
Ok, you dont just forget your past, thats not what im saying, just that your new bf doesnt want to hear it, im sure if he screamed the name of his ex-gf in the bedroom u'd be upset? and thats only once... multiply that by how many times you mention your ex and then you may come to understand how he feels!
A
female
reader, in turmoil +, writes (17 August 2006):
hi, I personally don't know just how much you talk about your ex, but at the same time you are entitled to a past, but I think that it says alot about you that even after a break up you can still say something nice about a person should show your current bf that you are just a nice person, after all he did fall in love with you and i am sure he saw these qualities in you then. In his defence, he may love you so much that he can't bare the thought that someone loved you like this before him and you felt the same, silly I know but men are quite silly sometimes.Just remind him that your ex is called an ex for a reason and that reason is because you are with him now by choice, and confirm your love for him. I am sure he will open his eyes soon, just give him time.Good luck
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A
male
reader, David Lewis  +, writes (17 August 2006):
 As you hold him in such high regard, your new boyfriend feels insecure and probably threatened.
It probably seems to him like you still have strong feelings for your ex, so he probably half expects you both to get back together at some stage.
I was in the exact same situation. I wanted to hear my gf say that she hated this guys guts, but when she would say, awwww, but he has done nothing wrong.
This defensive act is what makes you even more jealous.
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A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (17 August 2006):
 Martini has answered the question but just to add to it, I think you need to sit new man down, tell him his slagging off of the ex is annoying you and it stops right now, you have a past and are entitled to it, you are no longer with ex you are now with new man who if he continues to irritate you will become ex.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2006): Well isn't this... [sigh] Sorry, I guess it's not. Your new bf is jealous of your ex because you probably talk about your ex, or make references to your ex. Plus you hold him in a high regard. You new bf feels threatened, at least, feel lower because you still keep in touch with the ex. It makes him feel not as good, and/or secondary.
It's not how you deal with this. It's how your new bf deals with it. All you can really do since you don't want to leave your ex, is continue to show gradual positive emotions towards your new - that is, if your new bf is willing to compromise certain aspects of his insecurity and jealousy.
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