A
female
age
22-25,
*3LY$A
writes:Me and my husband been together for 4 years, our sex life has been very good.but up to now when he foreplays and oral sex, and touches me, he gets really hard but when we start having sex he gets soft in the middle of having it.i get upset because i feel unattractive or im not tight.ive asked him several times but he just says "i want you,i'm horny for you but my di** gets soft and i dont know why". so what could be causing it to go soft.?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, satindesire +, writes (19 October 2009):
 Good answers below. Also, note this. Male arousal is much like female arousal. When you're sexually aroused, are you ALWAYS at the highest peak of arousal, or does your desire rise and fall like waves?
That's normal. Unfortunately, the vagina has no readily available visual cues for those normal peaks and valleys of the aroused state, but the penis does. He may be having erection difficulties stemming from being worried about the NORMAL process of a man's softening occasionally during sexual activity.
Going soft is NORMAL, but often a man and a woman will 'freak out' thinking that there's something wrong. That will then trigger a vicious cycle where now, a man stresses over going soft and will DO SO, perpetuating the cycle.
Stop worrying about it from now on. When he goes soft, stop having intercourse and go back to foreplay for a little while. Not only will YOU be able to enjoy sex more because you will get more time spent on YOU, but he can start enjoying sex more because the pressure to stay rock-hard 100% of the time will be gone!
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  + ♥, writes (19 October 2009):
 Are you always 100% wet, your nipples stay rock hard the entire way through? Unlikely, lube isn't sold for nothing.
Men, don't have such a simple aid, the slightest blip, and it shows. Men can't fake an orgasm.
And the stress gets to men. And stress is an erection killer.
Has he been under more stress then usual at work? Or not eating as healthy? Does he excersise?
The penis is often a direct reflection of the health of a man.
As for you being worried about your own. Don't. You can test how tight you are easily and women can learn to control their muscles as well.
But might I make on suggestion, might you also be extending the uptime? He is getting older, you don't take an old dog for a long walk without a break or two.
You must know that with a virginal guy, you don't sex him up all evening, then give him a hell of a blowjob and then expect the sex to last for long.
Well, with older men, don't start the erection to soon.
Turn the sex around if you want to test. Prep yourself (no mutual foreplay) get him hard and see what happens during intercourse when the erection is fresh.
Hour long erections are not going to last your/his entire life. Either find new ways to have fun, or buy Viagra (not recommended, see how you feel if after 4 hours, he still hasn't cum)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  + ♥, writes (19 October 2009):
He's worrying about it and so are you. That's what's causing it. So stop worrying about it, take your time with him and just relax. If you try to put blame on him or yourself, then he's going to get even worse. Relax.
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