A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing a guy for a few months now and everything is fine, im just slightly confused about something. We are very close and intimate with each other and some occasions it can be a really intense connection (we havnt said I love you or anything else like that to each other). We spend a lot of time just cuddled up in each others arms and just laying there together as he says he likes to hold me close. Last night we were together and things started to get a bit heated but in a really intense and romantic way and just as we started to have sex he asked me if I was ok and what I was thinking about. I said of course I was ok, I was thinking about him and why was he asking. Here's the bit that confused me. He said it was because he was nervous and when i asked why he wouldn't say and just started to kiss me. i don't understand why he was nervous, we've had sex many times before and he is extremely sexually experienced, far more than i am. Afterwards when we had finished we were led there and he was stroking my hair and face and he started to ask if i was ok again. I reassured him i was so we just carried on laying there.Why does he keep asking me this and why was he nervous? Should i bring it up again when we're not being intimate or should i just leave it?
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female
reader, Staceily  +, writes (2 November 2012):
 I think you may have done something involuntarily that has him thinking you are not having a good time or are in pain. Like maybe the last time you had sex you made a strange noise, had a look like you were bored, made a comment he took negatively... Something like that. I think while in the act to ask if you are okay because of a noise you made is normal from anyone, but he asked before sex then again after sex. He's feeling insecure about something but you would have to find out what it is from him. I would bring it up again if it were me.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 November 2012):
 He's nervous of crossing any boundaries you may have. I don't think he's nervous about his sexual competence, that's not it. But he's nervous about stepping over your boundaries, and wants to check with you that you are okay with what he does. He doesn't want to go too far, or maybe be too rough, or do anything that could potentially hurt you/push you away from him. He just wants to put YOUR needs above HIS. If he only cared about himself he wouldn't ask you. But he asks, because he cares. What you feel and want is more important to him.
My boyfriend also asks me if I'm okay, like in the middle of sex if I moan he suddenly asks me "are you okay?", because he is worried he hurt me or maybe something is wrong. It's just a way for him to express his care for me. It's actually really sweet. I haven't had any previous boyfriend ask me that in the middle of the passion, nor do I have the habit of asking myself. But it just shows that he is attentive and concerned about me being okay.
Take it as a good sign, no need to discuss it with him. It just means you're extra important and special to him, so he needs to make sure he's treating you right. Maybe you should tell him that he need not be concerned, you will speak your mind and tell him so if something is wrong or not okay. Many girls don't say anything, they just keep quiet when something is wrong. He just wants to make sure you're not holding back things that worry you (because so many girls do this).
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 November 2012):
 he's starting to care more... at least in my opinion and that's why now it's more important that you be ok.
the other option is that he's actually asking "are WE ok"
I used to ask my partner "are you ok" when what I was trying to figure out was the health of our relationship....
hence I have two questions "are you ok" when it's about him and "are WE ok" when it's about us...
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