A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, me and my ex had a good strong relationship. We had so many good times and we went thru a lot together. Wen our son was born it was the happiest time of our lives. Things were so going so well. After our son was born things changed. My partner hurt himself at work and he was at home. I was going thru post natal depression and on top of all this we had a new baby to care for. We also had my brother and sister living with us. The strain was to much and over time we started to fall apart. We argued a lot. Slowly we started to drift. Somehow it all fell apart. We seperated. I went through hell. My family had fallen apart. I wanted so desperately to make it right again. He was my best friend for 7yrs. We were so close. After we seperated he got another woman. I stayed single. Its like he was searching for something. I just waited for him. He eventualy left her and we got back together. It didnt feel right. He ran back to her. They didnt last. He then got another gfrend. They moved in together. I still stood by him as a frend. He pickd up our son every weekend. We still had a lot of contact. Recently he dumpd his recent gfrend and again he came back to me. He told me that he loved me. He wantd to be a family again. He said he wanted to make it right. He seemed so genuine(he had been drinking tho). He kissed me and it was magic. We spent the night together. It was passionate. He seemed happy. Then a couple of days later he just went cold towards me. I askd him what was wrong, he said he thinks its best if hes on his own. That he is hurt and confused. He basicaly told me that he didnt wanna be with me. Why does he do this. Did he use me or was he just confused. I need answers. He wont give me any. He always comes bak but then runs. Me and him are still incredibly close. We always see each other and hav a good bond through our son. What am i missing. I feel he loves me. He keeps coming back but he wont stay. Why does he always come back if he doesnt really want me. Please help. Thankyou.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2011): I absolutely abide by "sappygirl".
Additionaly I´d say that he´s just a weak man
unable to please any woman and finding a parasitic
living out of the whole situation. Such kind of men
generally possess a very charming nature.
I can say this because I´d been into such a situation
too. Later I found out that he just wanted to use me.
Better accept his infidelity and be yourself.
You deserve much better.
A
female
reader, sappygirl  +, writes (3 May 2009):
 Its obvious that you still love him and that is why you take him back everytime he comes running back.
you are always hoping and wanting for it to be how it use to be when you guys first met.
You need to let that dream go. It's over, he basically told you he doesn't want to be with you, but he knows you will always be there for him. So from his position, he has the best of both worlds. He can go around screw new girls, and when the relationship doesn't work out, he always come back to you to feed his shattered ego because he knows you love him and will always be there for him.
Although you have a child together, you can make it work without being there for him emotionally, physically.
Be civil and all conversations should pertain only to the child. i hate to be harsh but you need to set your boundries. if you don't, he will continue to hurt you and use you. Don't let him have that power over you.
us women love with our hearts, but take a step back, and think from a different perspective.
He is having his cake and eating it too. You have to learn to let him go and heal. That way, one day you will be open to a man that truly deserves what you have to give, and give you the love you deserve.
You are still holding on to him, and until You learn to let go, he will always take what he can get.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): Maybe he sees your doors are widely open for him and takes advantage of this. The fact he is confused doesn't excuse that he should make you feel confused as well. I would check with him now if what holds him back is the idea that the relationship can fail again, in which case you can discuss about it and try and make sure you have learned from your past mistakes, both of you. Don't take him back if he is not certain of what he wishes. He has to make a decision. Make a point that you both must be more organised and surer of your choices instead of playing it by ear. If he needs space then allow it to him but in the meanwhile while he is back on the dating scene you should also try to find your own way. It's only fair that you should too, carry on with your life. All the best.
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