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Why do women love to be treated badly?

Tagged as: Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 December 2007) 11 Answers - (Newest, 22 June 2011)
A male United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Now this will cause a stir..

and to the girls on this board. i mean no offence but someone has to say it.

Why do women like/love to be treated like crap?

i'm 25 years old. i don't drink, don't smoke. and i don't do drugs. i'm by no means God's gift to women however i'm certainly on a decent level of the gene-pool than some of the pond scum out there.

I'm curtious to women. always polite and from what i have been told by numerious women. " A Nice Guy "

Last year as a challenge after watching that show with the guy from "Super-Size Me". I had the idea of becoming a Bastard for 30 days.

So for 30 days i would be arrogant, rude, pigheaded and anything else you care to throw in there.. along with no caring and a total lack of repect for a womans feelings.

I have never in my life felt like a star. talk about an ego boost, given numbers, asked out girls approached me.. it was like another world. Sure it was fun and a great ego boost. however why should i have to treat a women like crap for them to like me? i don't want to be with anyone that shallow.

in closing.

Why do women love being treated like crap?

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A male reader, IWalkAlone Germany +, writes (22 June 2011):

What women tell you is one thing and what they feel is something different. See, this is all about conscious and subconscious mind work together. The subconscious mind is much stronger than the conscious and women can't control it.

They SAY what is on their conscious mind. They want a nice guy, someone who treats them well and is a good friend. But in the depths of their minds, they have a certain pattern that works like a clockwork and every woman has it. Most attributes of a bad guy appeal to this pattern.

Think about it: When women say "he was perfect, but it just didn't feel right." What went wrong? We was nice, he looked good, he had a good job and wanted to do her good. But then she says about her one night stand "I don't know what happened, but he just had something that draw me towards him". That's it.

Most of the time, dominance comes with aggression and bad treatment. In a certain way, those bad guys make the women feel weak and they lower their self esteem to a certain level, so that they feel they need the bad guy to accept them to feel good again. They feel special, when someone who seems to be of higher value has sex with them. They crave his attention.

While the bad males are often not really of higher value, they make it seem like it.

Nice guys might treat a woman right and make her feel loved, but they don't show that their value is higher than the females, so the female automatically tries to find someone of higher value.

It is, of course, not always that simple. But this is pretty much the basic theory on why women like bad guys.

So, mix it up. Treat your woman nicely, show her love, but also demonstrate that you don't neccessarily need her and that you are at least equal to her. Don't be submissive.

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A male reader, LazyGuy Netherlands +, writes (17 March 2008):

LazyGuy agony auntI have a good friend who is a bad boy (not an asshole, just a player). He plays with women like they are toys. He ain't all bad, he never hits on women who are taken by his mates for instance and doesn't go after mental wrecks either, he is very open about the fact he is a playboy.

So why do women go for him? Well, they don't. He strikes out a LOT, but he strikes CONSTANTLY. Hanging around him is a master lesson is learning how to approach a woman. You often get the question, where to pick up girls? His answer EVERYWHERE! When shy/lazy people are still wondering if this person they talked to a couple of times might go out with them, he hits on women who just walked in the same isle at him at the supermarket.

Part of what women like about him is that he flatters them, makes them feel beautifull and attractive and wanted. Yes he is a pig, they know it, but still, it is better then being ignored.

Another even simpler part is that he ASKS them. A man asks, a woman say yes/no. BUT you got to ASK first or she can't say yes. If a girl wants a date for friday night she can only say YES to the guys who asked her. If the nice guy didn't ask, she can't say yes. Hell, she might not even be aware that nice guys are intrested.

He easily wears girls down as well, by constantly being nice. He remembers their names, their jobs, their hobbies, their birthdays. I can barely be bothered. So what do the girls have to choose a guy who makes them feel great and pays attention but is only after sex OR me, a guy who doesn't show intrest and who on a typical night is at home reading a book? They might WANT to be with this last guy, reading a book BUT they haven't been asked so can't say yes.

Girls are NOT going to sit at home as virgins until mister right comes along. They know that to find a prince you need to kiss a lot of toads and anyway, kissing is fun. Remember, a bad guy is MORE fun then being at home eating a tub of icecream.

A bad guy is also intresting. Stuff is happening. Better to have lost and loved then to never have lost before. A heartache is better then boredom. Again the choice thing, it ain't nice guy vs bad guy, it is being single vs bad guy.

But equally important is to ask yourselve, why are you a nice guy?

Is a bad guy someone who flirts with other women? Possibly but remember, if you ain't flirting you ain't got a chance. While you are 'working' on one girl and not looking at any others, the bad guy has multiple girls, and is working on more. Simply put, even if bad/good guys was 50/50 there would be a LOT more bad guys out there asking girls.

Also ask yourselve what is was you really changed during those 30 days. Were you just a lot of more OUT there, asking girls, getting noticed? I am lazy myself but early on thought I was shy, with the help of my friend who took me under his wing I learned that I too can get a lot of response from women and women don't mind if a guy is ugly as long as he has some confidence. It has nothing to do with being nice or bad. It has to do with advertising your available, BEING available.

Take the experiment where baby monkeys are given a surrogate mother, do these babies WANT a piece of metal with fur? No, but it is the best they can get.

Also, are you really a nice guy? Until you get the speech "I wish I knew a man like you" (I really gotten that one) you ain't got nothing to complain about. But if you are capable of being a bad guy for 30 days then you are not a nice guy. I wouldn't play with a woman just to prove a point and I am not even nice, just to lazy to be bad.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2008):

I think that like a lot of species, human females are often attracted to dominant males. Aggressive, arrogant males are generally dominant. In the dim and distant past, this meant that they would be able to protect any potential offspring better than weaker, submissive males.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008):

This site has some really interesting psychology within it - there's a particularly revealing analysis into the 'nice guy phenomenon' I can't find the direct link for it, but if you read through you'll learn some good stuff. I'd disregard the fashion and style advice, and some of it comes of as a bit misogynist but if you can see past that there is some very useful and thought provoking advice on relationships in general that both men and women could learn a lot from. I'm a female and consider myself feminist but open minded. Check it out and see what you think - http://www.asktheapproach.com/

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2008):

That firsd response said it all: "Every woman wants a decent guy to settle down with"

And what do most women want for years and years, BEFORE they want to "settle down"? A whole string of assholes.

And how does love work? You fall in love with who you allow yourself the chances to fall in love with, not who you think would be "right" for you. And the guys who get the majority of those "chances" year after year with most women are the assholes.

Actions speak louder than words. Nice guys finish last.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008):

I dont like to be treated like crap. I like good guys! The women who want bad boys (not all of course and I don't mean to offend anyone) don't want relationships they are more in it for the thrill, if you know what I mean. I personanally think bad boys are a waste of space. x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2008):

how do you know that its because you're a "nice guy" that they aren't attracted to you?

It could be for a completely different reason, for example you could come across as really eager and clingy, that tends to drive women away.

Dont act like a jerk to get women. its crap.

I dont know of any girl that goes for ass holes.

I do however know women who prefer men who are a little exciting rather than sensible and boring.

excite her but dont act like a dick

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A female reader, Fairy_Lu United Kingdom +, writes (1 January 2008):

Fairy_Lu agony aunt I dont know what sort of women you meet but im definetly not into nasty guys ive been treated badly enough by guys who seemed nice to bother with the guys who know there ass holes and act up to it, just be yourself its more attractive then being an ass.

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A female reader, hello1 United Kingdom +, writes (1 January 2008):

hello1 agony auntOkay thats a load of bull. I'm sure most women don't wake up and think, "Im gonna get myself an badass man who treats me like crap!" Don't put all women in one box male anonymous, Alot of women don't play games and don't like men that act like jerks.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2008):

Original poster here. in refference to the frist reply

"Every women wants an decent guy to settle down with, who wants an cheating, alcholic husband!"

Um..by looking through the questions on here... quite a few.. come to think of it. alot of people i know are much the same.

"Maybe you should act cool when you first meet an woman, you don't have too act like a jerk, you won't get a long term relationship from that."

Yeah.. that whole acting nice thing gets a guy nowhere.

You get the whole

"aw how sweet but i like you as a friend."

i have tried/dated alot of varied types of women.

Acting nice makes a woman think -

" aww my new best *gay* freind who i'm not sexually attracted to"

acting like a jerk for some unknowen reason Makes women interested in the guy. this is what my original post was getting to.

Acting nice gets a guy nowhere.

Jerk = gods gift to women ( apparently)

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A female reader, hello1 United Kingdom +, writes (1 January 2008):

hello1 agony auntWhat sort of women are you after? maybe your chasing the wrong ones? A lot of women like the bad boy types as they want to 'change' them, once they realise they can't and move on, they learnt their lesson.

Every women wants an decent guy to settle down with, who wants an cheating, alcholic husband! Maybe you should act cool when you first meet an woman, you don't have too act like a jerk, you won't get a long term relationship from that.

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