A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Why do people yo-yo weight gain/loss? I have a friend (mid-thirties) who put on loads of weight shortly after his marriage (about 70 lbs) then, just before dumping his wife, got fit and lost loads of weight to meet his next beau. He now lives with her, four years later and has gone from healthy and fit, to clinically obese, having put back on all his weight and then some! His ex-wife says when married he was lazy about the marriage, but he appears happy in his 'new relationship'. I have told him he needs to look after himself, but he just says he loves his food, and it doesnt worry him. I have no idea, but was thinking that people put on weight when they are content. Any ideas?
View related questions:
ex-wife, his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, LovelessAct1  +, writes (2 February 2011):
My mood about how active I am does seem to extend from my happiness, but in a much different way than most people. When I'm feeling depressed or upset, instead of indulging in food or TV, I immediately hit the weight room. Whenever I start to feel content with my life and happy, I find more excuses to sit around.
Overall I've stayed in good shape, but there have been weeks where I've just let laziness overcome me when I'm happy with a current relationship. But being in shape is about developing a lifestyle change, not just a habit. When you make sure you're in the gym no matter what, despite being angry or happy, you'll be able to maintain your confidence a lot better.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2011): I just want to add, I find weight loss and gain to be linked keenly to happiness.
I find most people lose weight when they are unhappy, (eating disorders are a very good example of what I mean) because they want to feel good about themselves. In a good relationship that is going well you can be quite happy and that little bit of motivation needed to improve your situation is gone. You see a good partner makes you feel good about yourself and to a point can male you feel so good about yourself being who you are that you kind of lose the will to make yourself better, because you become convinced (and rightly so) that you're already a great person.
I don't agree with the idea that a person is lazy if they gain weight, I know very active and busy people that gain weight easily or are obese, they just have never had interest in physical hobbies like sports or things like that, that would through of doing and enjoying would keep their weight low.
Me personally I was a "horse eater" I could everything and anything as much as I liked and never put on weight. Then I hit 27 and if I ate a single bean a day I would gain weight.
I became rather annoyed with that so I started working out and worked my way to lean and fit again, but stronger and fitter than I ever was. Now I have had a couple of blips in that routine (I've been doing it years) where I'd stop for a few months such as when I first started dating my girlfriend, I wasn't lazy, I was happy, life couldn't get any better I was already lean and fit so putting in 4 days a week training became too much of a chore without the proper motivation. I no longer needed the endorphin rush.
In about 2 months I had a noticeable beer belly again but it didn't bother me. The thing that kicked me back into gear was my girlfriends car accident, she spent a couple of months in hospital and another few months of physio. I never felt so helpless and weak, of course I was also sad. So I started training again to build my happiness and strength again. What I realized is that I had turned all my attention to my relationship and other aspects of my person kind of fell to way side and while I was happy with her I was not as happy with my body or where I was going with it, so I'm back working out years and it's just routine now, I have my lazy days but I make up for them.
I think the biggest aspect of yo-yoing though is how easy it is to gain weight and how tough it is to lose it properly. You see you have to carefully manage weight loss or it won't work properly, which is what happened me the first time. You see people who diet only to lose weight don't get that, that is not a long term solution, in order to lose weight you're eating less than your body needs and forcing it to use your fat reserves. Doing this actually makes it harder to lose weight because the body wants to store the fat even more because it thinks you're living times of scarce food, so the body goes into starvation mode. Now we all know you can't eat a weightloss diet forever or you will begin to suffer malnutrition so while your body is still in starvation mode and you reach your target weight you start to eat normally again because you're happy with your weight. The body then says "awesome there's food available again, better store that quickly in case it becomes scarce again" so after 5-6 months of dieting going back to a normal diet again it will only take about 2-3 months to get back to square one.
That's the essence of yo yo weight loss. The point being weight loss without exercise and exercise that you will maintain for the rest of your life won't work for most people. Your friend is one of these and he just doesn't have the motivation to do it life is good and the only thing that will motivate him is something you wouldn't wish on him because his weight loss is linked to unhappiness too. You see for him being happy about his life is more than his unhappiness about his weight, which make no mistake he is unhappy about, but it's not the sole focus of his life so it doesn't make him unhappy in general if you know what I mean. If his weight was big focus of hi life then yes, it would have a negative effect on him mentally but it's not so it doesn't.
Don't worry about him, he'll be okay, I find it pointless to worry about my friends lifestyles that may bring them to harm. I know people who smoke, who drink too much, who have lots of unprotected sex with different partners and of course obese ones too. I don't worry about them nor do I tell them how to live their lives, it might never happen.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat a brilliant answer - very well thought out! I suppose its different for everyone, I guess. It's sad he has become like this, but as long as he is happy, he may try one day to do something about it before it is too late. I am aware he is a junk-food addict, ie eats at fast food restaurants but has the 'go large' option and adds extras to that, ie a burger on top! I know he smokes a lot of cannabis, too and he gets the 'munchies'. He's a great guy, though. He has always 'yo-yo'd' since he was a teenager. His ex-wife (they are both dear friends of mine) says that when he got fat, he'd say she was looking at him like he was disgusting, which never was the case. I dont think he is happy at all about his appearance. I know he doesnt like being told to lose weight! I just hope that something shocks him in to doing something about it before it's too late...
And re genetics, he has two thin brothers, and one sister who has battled with weight all her life, so it's possible.
Thank you for all your replies, I was just concerned that he is not as happy as he may seem, but now I know it may not have anything to do with his 'happiness' and there are other variables that may be taking place.
Just to add something here, when people lose weight to attract a partner, why dont they keep looking after themselves? My sister was stunning-looking when she met her husband, now she looks nothing like she used to - she really has let herself go, and her husband is always saying that (which is flipping cruel if you ask me!)
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (2 February 2011):
 Weight gain & weight loss is such a difficult area and you need to realise that everyone is incredibly different when it comes to weight - some people can stay thin whilst eating junk, others gain weight eating 1 biscuit! Our bodies handle fat, calories and stress very differently so there is no 'one rule' that explains what you are talking about here.
But I am actually very similar to your friend here - only I am female and aged 23. When I am in a relationship - I always put on weight, despite my best intentions. Then as soon as I am single again, with very little effort, I can lost a lot of weight quickly. Whereas when I try to lose weight whilst I am in a relationship, it is a battle to get each pound off!
Now this is just a theory, but for those with a slow metabolism or genetically pre-disposed to weight gain (I unfortunately have both!) then being single kick starts something in your body to help you lose the weight. As odd as it sounds, through evolution or bodies are designed to be attractive in certain ways to attract a mate. Women are supposed to have full breasts, good hips and a slim waist to show fertility which would then attract a male looking for a mate. Men were supposed to be athletic and strong to show they would be good providers which would then attract a female looking for a mate. This all dates back to cavemen times, but this is still with us today. So naturally, when we are single, the brain realises this and stimulates are metabolism and helps us lose weight so we can become more attractive to find that mate. So once we have attracted the mate - the switch goes back off again and the metabolism slows down hence the weight goes on.
So this is just one reason why this yo-yo weight loss/gain can happen, and it is not always purely because you are lazy and comfortable in relationships. When I was single, I lost nearly 2 stone and looked amazing. I was eating sensibly but not on a diet, and I ran 5k 3-4 times a week. Now, after being in a relationship for nearly 18 months, I have put on 1 stone, I am on a strict calorie controlled diet now and I run 5k 3 times a week, go horse riding for 1 hour per week, walk over 5 miles per week and do a work-out DVD once a week. And how much weight have I lost? about 2lbs. I am sure if I stick with it I will lose the weight, but if I were single and exercising & eating like this, I would have nearly lost the whole stone by now.
However, there are some people that are simply lazy in relationships, they know they have their partner so they see no need to make an effort anymore. There is something about this 'happiness' in relationships that makes you put on weight - you eat out more with your partner (you would never go to a restaurant alone!), you have more takeaways together, you spend more time on dates/being together rather than exercising and your time together tends to revolve around food. So it is very easy to put on weight when you are happy, as you are just enjoying life with your partner and often this involves food! So for someone that struggles with weight, as soon as they get into this situation weight gain is so easy.
Stress is also has a big part to play for weight loss/gain - I have some friends who get stressed and weight falls off them, whereas for people like me, I get stressed and comfort eat. Or even when I am stressed but not comfort eating, I still dont lose anything! Everyone's bodies react different to the chemicals released when you are stressed so this causes drastically different results in terms of weight loss/gain for certain people.
I guess if your friend is happy and enjoying himself then there is not a lot you can do - hopefully his new partner will look out for his health. You cannot tell someone that they are obese and they need to do something about it - he needs to realise this for himself. Often this never happens until there is a health scare which is sad that it takes so much just for that person to realise, but it is like a drug addict or alcoholic - they need a massive wake up call or to hit rock bottom before they do something about it.
I hope this helps and good luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2011): I myself have lost 35 lbs twice and now I put it back on and then some, which pisses me off cause now Ive opted for surgery. His weight thing may be genetic i e perhaps someone in his family is a type 2 diabetic. It can happen and then he could also be just very lazy and not committed to his exercise routine. In addition, he may have lost the weight to attract the woman (like what im gonna do) and once he got her and she accepted him, he got it in his mind he didnt have to worry about his weight anymore. Lotsa varaibles here. tough to put a finger on it.
...............................
|
