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Why do married men look at naked women on the internet?

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Question - (15 November 2007) 25 Answers - (Newest, 14 January 2013)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Why would a married man look at nude women on the internet after being caught once only to do it again?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013):

so I been cheated on but forgave him.

I'm now stuck with the most annoying insecurities about myself. I try everyday to work on my self but when we're out I catch him looking at other woman it hurts and makes me mad. lately he's been not wanting to satisfy me. we live together and didn't have sex for 9 days.

Today I went through his phone (like I said I have the most annoying insecurity issues)but I went through the phone and found fitness model pictures,nude cheerleaders apps etc.. he tried to erase these but you can't erase the history on apps ...then he starts his lies that it wasn't him probably his friend I knew he was losing.

I forgot to mention I'm pregnant with his baby and today when I was getting ready for my day I felt like I was the most ugliest human being on this planet I hated everything about myself.

I love him I do but I don't like how I feel about myself lately. he doesn't like me wearing clothes that show too much skin and I told him I'd get implants in my size c cup breast just so he can have what he enjoys looking at .but then he says he'll just leave me then. I need advice don't be harsh with me I'm reaching out. I'm 23 and been with him since 19 years old

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2012):

All I know, is that I have been married 42 years. I have kept myself in great shape and do look attractive and many people tell me I don't look like I am in my 60's. My husband will never tell me I look good, just that I used to look great. He is always looking at nude women sites on the internet and posting comments about how great they are looking. I am loosing all my desire for him and am thinking about divorce at my age. I even notice him looking at those women before we go to bed and have sex and I now that I am just a hole with their face. Men looking at this and forgetting their own woman's needs to be desired is so wrong.

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A female reader, Alexander09 United States +, writes (12 July 2012):

Its not okay for anyone in a serious relationship marred or not to check out anyone wether it be n reality, on t.v, or online. If you truly care for someone then looking at other people isnt even important to you because you are happy with what you have. Excuses like men being more visual, or having sexual needs are just that bullsht excuses, the same goes for any women that does the same thing( so everyone understands Im not being hypocritical as someone early said.)Relationships are supposed to be built on trust, love, emotion and pysical attraction to EACH OTHER NOT other men and women. People have ex's for reasons, and that reason is often because they were no longer attracted to each other, and looking at other men and women CAN AND WILL result in losing attraction for someone. This can result in jealousy wich is not insercuity! Its simply feeling that you are no longer good enough and want someone that thinks you are. Women have sexual needs and are also very very visual as I would know being a woman, we love sex more than men infact and this is also a SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN FACT: for those that tried to use this as an excuse. While looking at other men and women wich both sexes are often guilty of you are in fact committing adultry not by phisically cheating, but my using your brain to imagine scenarios with someone other than your partner. Yes people have a "fantasy world" however wouldnt it be much more fun to act out these fantasies rather than watch them pathetically? For the post that mentioned how women should be encouraging her man to look at other women, well place yourself in her shoes. How would you like it if she were to look at other men? or if she was to post pictures of herself naked,because this is the same thing is it not? If you are able to look at other women then why cant she allow herself to be looked at or look at other men? Stop making excuses for yourselves both men and women and practice a little self control noone wants to feel as f they arent good enough. have this issue myself and it is begining to make my attraction for my boyfriiend of three years to dwindle badly.

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A female reader, Alexander09 United States +, writes (12 July 2012):

It doesnt matter if you are a man or a women married or not; I do not believe that it is ever okay to look at nude pictures on the internet or people on the street if you are in a long comitted or serious relationship. You have chosen to be with the person that you are because they do something for you sexually, and mentally are you not? in that case it should only be that person you are looking at or fantasizing about. Those people that have ex's have ex's for a reason meaning that someone else caught their attention, if you really care about someone then only they will catch your attention. Men need to stop finding accuses to watch porn or check out naked women if they are in a commited relationship as do women, this is considered a form adultry. Men how would do you feel about the thought of your gf or wife thinking fantasizing and looking at other men?, I can bet that even if you do not admit its not at all a satisfying feeling. Men by fact may be more visual, and in that case be more visiual with your partner, she should not have to feel inadequate because of your lack of self control or need to look @ other women this is NOT okay, and women the same goes for you. Committing adultry can be done in man y forms thats in the heart, mind, and reality. Men if you cant handle the fact that a women doesnt want you to do this then obviously your not ready for the committment you have made. Everyone has insecurities you would choose wisley to respect them and not see them as a nuisance. Interestngly one man mentoned that women should encourage their men to look at nude women, well then n turn that man should be completely fine encouraging his partner to look @ naked men should he not?

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A male reader, rolfen Lebanon +, writes (13 November 2011):

rolfen agony auntWould also like to point out some statistics:

Women and Pornography:

Women, far more than men, are likely to act out their behaviors in real life, such as having multiple partners, casual sex, or affairs.

Source:

http://www.familysafemedia.com/pornography_statistics.html

So, porn seems to be a good thing. Depending on your point of view - you'd be getting upset about a good thing.

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A male reader, rolfen Lebanon +, writes (13 November 2011):

rolfen agony auntI am a man and I'd like to understand that too. It is good for you to ask, and I appreciate it, but I'd like you to remove the "caught" concept, that is the idea that he is doing something wrong. I personally watch them because I feel attracted to them. I don't watch porn anymore, it's too gross, but I still feel attracted to attractive women even when online. By saying "caught" you are somehow implying that it's wrong to follow your feelings and into what attracts you - basically be yourself.

Someone here also had an interesting point - he used the word "hypocrisy" - regarding women who expect and enjoy other men looking at them, but do not accept their man to look at other women.

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A male reader, jo22 India +, writes (19 July 2010):

I don't a man is cheating his wife for him watching nude pic of girls on the net. but it may not be a thing many wives can understand orcompromise. She may feel her husband is unsatisfied with her charm and that's why he is searching for nude pic of girls. I know of many friends who keep files of nude girls with their faces morphed with that of his own wife. If everywoman can understand the male mind-set there isn't any need for her to fret on the matter; instead she can play finer games appearing herslf in nude or scantly clothed with a smile asking her man, if he wants to play some fun together or he need some more time to get 'heated up'?

If the man is crazy for other women for sex, he can go searching for real women.

Your husband enjoying nude pics is a passionate male for female charm, you are lucky, he is still inside your home 'getting heated up' for a fun with you!!

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A female reader, tori2 United States +, writes (19 April 2010):

Watching porn together I agree is a healthy and normal thing to do. But when your mate turns you down to watch a porn flick with you saying "he isn't into that" and then you find him behind your back downloading naked pics of woman, celebrities and checking out online porn dating sites, well there seems to be something wrong. I feel like he is cheating on me...

He may not be doing anything about it or jacking off but to be viewing those and then come in to make love to the woman he is supposed to be content and happy with, just doesn't seem a healthy thing. Seems to me that he isn't happy or content with me.....am I right? I will never look like a porn star or Jennifer Buckles, god knows I work out and try but it just is never going to happen. I don't think it is fair to view porn sites prior to having sex with your partner, makes you feel that you are the last choice he has at the moment. And if I were to do that behind his back, and then come in to have sex with him, I would feel guilty and not be able to do it. I would feel that I betrayed or disrespected him. It hurts when it is secretive.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008):

Why men look at porn? A tough one. Why I look at porn is a much easier thing to tackle. My #1 fantasy is my wife. I love imagining her doing the things to me that I see online. Every once in a while she will indulge me and I have to say, she knocks out all when it comes to being my personal porn star. It is not the women online in particular that is the attraction, it is the thought that my wife would act or dress or move like those women online that makes me hot under the collar. I can fantasize about my wife... if I need a visual representation of what she's doing, I don't see any problem with it. She doesn't either... she has "caught" me before and decided to take matters into her own hands because she knew what I was thinking about her.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008):

The reason men like to look at naked women is that we have rejected the true meaning and role of marriage in our society. The family is the fundamental building block of our society and marriage is the foundation of the family. Marriage was meant to be the gateway to intimacy and procreation. By rejecting the truth and giving in to our feelings and desires, we commit sins of fornication by being intimate prior to marriage and adultery outside of marriage. Looking at pornography is adultery, because you commit the act in your heart. Self control is a critical factor, but in my opinion, the primary factor is the rejection of moral truth. I write this, not in a spirit of self-righteousness, but as a man who struggled with pornography for a very long time.

In the 1960s, Pope Paul VI published "Humanae Vitae" which rejected and opposed the use of artificial contraception, even within the confines of a marital relationship. Many "enlightened" people scoffed at this and do to this day. They asserted that he just wanted Catholics to have more children. They believe, like many, that sex is a natural human function and we should not be ashamed. They also embraced the false dichotomy of contraception or large families.

The truth is that it all played out just like the Pope predicted. Widespread use of contraception perverted the marital act into recreational activity. The result was widespread pornography, adultery, fornication and abortion. What used to be a sacred act is now just plain fun because contraception attempts to take the responsibility out of the act. This has resulted in the objectification of women and the murder of millions of innocent unborn children in the womb. The pill was supposed to empower women, but it has turned them into the object of a man's desire and enslaved them. It is an interesting statistic that over half of all abortions are the result of failed contraception. Other interesting statistics are that couples that do not use contraception and use Natural Family Planning instead, rarely divorce and have fewer unintended pregnancies than those using contraception. And they rarely abort those pregnancies.

The reason men like to look at naked women is that our society has rejected the truth about marriage for the convenience of pleasure on demand and it is destroying the very fabric of our society. Is it any wonder that certain groups of people want to redefine what marriage is? We have already assaulted marriage, why are we surprised when the scavengers want to tear it to bits while it is down?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2007):

It is absolutely nothing wrong with men looking at naked women. If you are not ashame of your body and will walk around nude in front of your husband, then he will not have time to watch it on the net. Do in your house what he sees on the net. A man can tell when you are not secure and do not like your body. Ask yourself this question: Do I prefer making love in the dark? If the answer is, Yes, then you have a problem with your body.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007):

A lot of women feel insecure and let down by their man looking at other women. It makes them feel very insecure and not good enough for him. She will start to compare herself to the women he's looking at and it will make her feel unattractive to him. It can cause a great deal of depression. After a long relationship you could get dressed up for a night out, He will spend it looking at other women and the next day if you ask him what you wore the night before he'd have no idea! Also all men will say there's nothing wrong with looking at porn, it's not like cheating, but for a woman if he gets turned on by looking at porn then makes love to her she can feel used!! because although he's doing the physical act with her, who's he with in his mind?

All men will say there's nothing wrong with because it's his wife or girlfriend he is with but i walk past the Porsche showroom and would give anything for one of them but all ive got is a crappy old Ford Escort so I'll have to put up with that! I guess its better than nothing.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2007):

Please don't allow our sick society to tell you it's ok. It's only ok because we put up with it. I know, I cry about it and then deal with it too and then feel like I must not be good enough. I do EVERYTHING for my man. I pose nude for him and let him take photos of Me. Hell, I just ordered a stripper pole AND I'm getting implants in February! He must have thousands of photos of me! I'm considered attractive...I use to be a Hooters Girl and I have done professional nude modeling. I've lived that life. As for the man saying women dress too attractive, I have something to say-sorry bud-it's not always for you! Lots of women dress attractive to keep their mans eyes on them! Yes for their husbands! I know that's why I do. I KNOW men have needs, but thats what their wife is for.I'm sick of being the trophy wife and then him sneaking around looking at others. I try too hard for him to put up with that. Don't let the JERK OFF MEN on here tell you your feelings don't matter. They do! It matters when they lie and sneak around on you about it! I've had it.I won't bend over backwards for him and then have him looking at OTHER women. No way! I deserve more than that and so do you! I want to leave my husband over this. I'm sick of the lies, but right now his sex life is cut off from me. If he cheats I will have a good divorce case, so what do I have to lose anymore! I don't care whether "society" says it's ok or not! It is not when your married because it makes the wife feel like crap! It is a selfish act. We can not allow ourselves to act on all impulses. Men need to practice self control! The bible says if thy eyes offend thee, pluck it out! Lets not go that far, but my point is in christianity it is NOT ok! I am born again. Maybe one day I will find one of the few christian men left on this planet who don't act on their impulses. I hope you stand your ground for your beliefs too girl. Ask your husband what I did. If their "just photos", how would you like all of your military friends to see the nude pics of me?" Believe me, he won't think "their just photos" anymore. Its ok for them to look, but it wouldn't be ok for you to be looked at. If I wasn't a christian woman....Hmmmm.......

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007):

Men are biologically much more visual creatures than women. Particularly in terms of sexual things. This is a scientifically proven FACT, not just an opinion. If you can't tolerate this truth about men's thought processes then you can leave him and marry another woman.

Women indulge in similar sexual behaviour in terms of other things. Romance novels & stuff like that are a common comparison. Women are usually just not as visual about it. They just fantasize in other less-obvious ways.

Whether your husband wants to give up acting on his natural feelings and looking at pictures is between him and you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2007):

i do understand ur fact ....i feel he doesnt admire you much else he would have seen you and been happy.

Sex is one part of life and not more than love.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2007):

Why are you people making excuses for men to look at naked pictures??? There is no excuse..they should think with their brain, not their penis.

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A female reader, A Cappella United States +, writes (16 November 2007):

A Cappella agony auntMen like to look. This has nothing to do with you or your relationship. He CHOOSES to be with you. And believe me, even if he could be with one of those women on the Internet, he'd STILL choose to be with you. I think you should let him look at (or even encourage him to look at) naked women. It shouldn't threaten you at all.

The only thing where you might have a point is that Internet porn sites are notorious for downloading all kinds of unwanted crap onto your computer -- spyware, malware and downright viruses. It could seriously slow down the performance of your computer. If you want to give him an argument to stop that's reasonable, use this one.

You might want to invest in some "porn for couples" -- they do make some good ones. Stuff with actual PLOTS! If you would watch it with him, he'd be much less likely to go to the computer for it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2007):

Perhaps you'll find the answer in your own hypocrisy. If you are like most married women, you dress to attract the attention of men without caring whether they are married to someone else. And if you get the looks that you seek, you feel attractive. And if you don't get the looks that you seek, you feel less attractive, which may make you actually look less attractive.

You can't have your cake and eat it too. If you want men trained to look offline, then they will automatically look online as well, because of the same training.

If you don't want men to be trained to look at women online, then stop trying to attract them offline.

By the way, I've heard that human slavers have often used human women to control the slave men. Now I can begin to see why. It seems it may come natural to some of them.

Just wake up and smell your bigoted contradiction.

Jeff of California

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A female reader, birdynumnums Canada +, writes (16 November 2007):

birdynumnums agony auntThere is a basis biological urge here - men a driven to procreate by seed and women are driven to bond and procreate to raise a child. In other words, women are choosey because we have to be prepared to raise a child with this individual and men are driven to try to spread their seed as far as possible. That is the biological explanation. That being said, we are not primitive creatures - but - we are faced with a longer marriage and fewer pregnancies to occupy our time because we live longer lives now. It's a wonder that marriages last at all through the changes this century. We are seeing the fallout with the amount of divorces. People used to have 5-10 children, 2-19 pregnancies and die before the age of 50. We are redefining how we live our lives now because they are so much longer. It redefines relationships. It's really up to you to decide whether or not he is viewing far far too much porn. I really don't think that a man viewing porn is unforgivable (because of their visual urges), but only you know how much he is viewing and if it is unreasonable. If it as a small amount, it is not a reflection on you, or your love, or your marriage. I'm afraid it is a fact of the male sex drive and WITHIN reason, you should accept that it is simply male nature. I don't personally feel that my husband looking at a visual image on a paper or on screen, within reason, is being unfaithful to me. I also don't feel that I have the right to tell my husband what he can or can't do, he has his own individual rights as an autonomus individual. I have put my faith and trust in him to be faithful only to me and I believe in him and HIS discretion. Men of honour believe that their word is their bond and the WORST thing that you can do is make your husband feel that you mistrust him. If it is a very slight trangression in looking once in a while, let it go.

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A male reader, eddie Canada +, writes (16 November 2007):

eddie agony auntYou say he was "caught" once as if you're a detective. It's not the end of the world. Men are more curious that way than women are. Good or bad, that's the truth. I try to deal in truth. To assume otherwise is foolish.

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A male reader, Frank B Kermit Canada +, writes (16 November 2007):

Frank B Kermit agony auntHe is a man, and men love to look at women. Why are you so threaten by it?

Have you read the other stories on this board? Would you rather he be watching nude MEN? Would you rather he be having an affair?

If your married man is only looking at other women, maybe you should appreciate the fact that he is not doing something worse.

Why don't you join him in watching nudes and porn? I think it could be fun for you both.

-Frank B Kermit

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2007):

Men and women both look at various levels of porn. Not all people, of course. My ex wife of 11 years and I did and my current wife of 28 years and I do also. We look together and I do by myself, sometimes while she is in the room also. She doesn't look by herself because she doesn't want to. It is part of the fantasy world that most people have. Most people fantasize, but some also want a visual stimulation. Neither of us are bothered by it. I have even encouraged her to look by herself, but she has no desire. She also fantasizes less than I do. We also look at people of the opposite sex while out. We can't really understand why some are bothered by this. Perhaps it is insecurity in the relationship or upbringing.

If it really bothers you, then you have to talk to him about it. Remember that it is probably not because he desires someone over you. That desire may be true in a fantasy world, but is probably not a real desire in real life. Fantasies are a way to avoid doing unacceptable things in real life. Be happy that he is just doing that in a fantasy world. I suppose it is possible that a person could turn to real life cheating if they cannot have the chance to fantasy "cheat".

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2007):

It's not a crime, so he wasn't 'caught', he was observed. It's a 'man thing'. Like the other answerer said, men need visual stimulation. It's no reflection of how he sees you. it's male curiosity, that's all, and there's no harm in it. It's no worse than picking up the latest copy of a Lads mag.

He did it again because he likes it.

Phil

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2007):

It's not a crime, so he wasn't 'caught', he was observed. It's a 'man thing'. Like the other answerer said, men need visual stimulation. It's no reflection of how he sees you. it's male curiosity, that's all, and there's no harm in it. It's no worse than picking up the latest copy of a Lads mag.

He did it again because he likes it.

Phil

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2007):

Because men have needs sexually and they feel they need visual stimulation. Being married is not the most exciting thing, for a man or a woman. If he's being disrespectful about it that's 1 thing, but if you just happened to see the web address history containing sites with naked women, that's another thing. Tell him you don't like it & it hurts you. If he won't stop or at least hide it, then that's something you need to work out.

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